


Under Cover of the Twilight

by SheenaChan



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Slow Build, Tendou makes a cameo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-14
Updated: 2016-04-28
Packaged: 2018-04-09 06:36:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 79,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4337708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SheenaChan/pseuds/SheenaChan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Kei Tsukishima comes to a standstill in life, he takes his problems to the road with nothing but his car and his music to guide him into a new life and forget about the old. Though convinced as he may be that he's escaped into simplicity, when he meets Tetsurou Kuroo on the road, things become anything but...</p><p>((Hitchhiker AU that takes place somewhere in America~))</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Didn't See You Coming

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my latest fic! :D This plot and I go way back, and it means a lot to me. When I realized how well it fit with Kuroo and Tsukki, I knew I just had to reinterpret it for them so I really hope you guys will join me for the ride (aha!) and hopefully enjoy the trip! :)
> 
> Most of the songs used in this fic will be from Fefe Dobson's "Joy" album, so check that out if you wanted a taste for the mood I'm going for. Also I'll be trying to make as much art as I can to make this all into a fun fan package! :D

_~_  
_Starting over again_  
 _Looking 'round the bend_  
 _I didn't see you coming_  
 _I didn't see you there_  
~

Spring had sprung, and with it came the renewal of life, or so it was supposed to. Kei Tsukishima felt far from alive as he rolled down an empty highway, high beams setting the darkness on fire in front of him. How long had it been since he left home? He had lost count days ago.

It wasn’t as if he wanted to think about home in the first place, it didn’t feel like that anymore. As far as he was concerned, the four wheels that carried him forward were his home now, until he got his head straight at least. For now, he just desperately wanted to be as far away as possible while he blasted tunes so loud he couldn’t even hear them anymore. He wanted to forget. He wanted to run.

He wanted his eyes to stop stinging.

“Dammit…” Kei muttered to himself, turning the wheel to pull over on side of the road, making sure to leave his lights on even if every voice in his mind just told him to shut them off. It didn’t matter if anybody saw him there. If somebody crashed into him, at least he’d have an excuse to be crying. Broken bones made far more sense to cry over than what was making his face burn at that moment. Physical pain was far more valid to flinch at than the ache he felt in his chest. Perhaps an actual crushed lung would feel better than the way it seemed like the air escaping his lungs made them feel as though they were constricting in on themselves.

Kei clutched hard at his steering wheel. He rested his forehead against the top rim and he took a deep breath, trying with all he could to get ahold of himself before the anxiety took over. He felt the vibration of the bass in his speakers rumble through his fingertips and up his arms, and somehow the aggressive feeling allowed him to get a grip on his sanity before he cracked.

Finally managing to lift his head from the steering wheel, Kei leaned back in his seat, slowly regaining the feeling in his hands as he loosened his grip. He breathed in again, pausing for just another moment before turning the key in the ignition and starting the car.

He turned onto the road, revving the engine and speeding off as fast as he could once he was on a straight. If he drove fast enough, maybe he’d be able to abandon his panic attacks in the dust. Kei glanced down at the lights on his dashboard.

He’d have stop for gas soon…

 

+++

 

Kei wasn’t sure when he had fallen asleep, but the hot morning sun beaming in through the windshield let him know that it was time to wake up. He opened his eyes a crack, golden light quickly blinding him before he tore down the sun guard from the ceiling to block it out, whatever papers that were stuck in from before falling to his lap. He sighed and grabbed them without looking, tucking them back in where they were meant to be, the annoyance of having to do that at all waking him from his early morning stupor.

He was surprised that he had even had the sense to pull over the night before, even more so when he realized he had moved to the passenger’s seat to sleep. He wondered if it was his subconscious trying to take care of him when he had so obviously forgotten to on the forefront. Either way, he still felt like crap waking up in his car at the crack of dawn, only a few hours of restless sleep to cradle him for the day.

Kei sat back in the seat, eyes shifting around the interior of the car to get a handle on the state he was in. He softly nudged a few old drink bottles on the floor with his feet, and grimaced at a sticky stain covered in dirt dangerously close to his gear shift when he looked down to the side. Normally, Kei would have made sure that gross mess would never live to see the day in his car, but even if he did scrunch his nose at it on the surface, deep down he didn’t really care. It was way low on his list of priorities.

He took a look at the back seat, the contents of his duffle bag still sprawled out all over the place. Organizing that was even _further_ down on his list…

Kei let out a soft grunt. He needed to get back on the road again. His foot was already twitching to press down on the gas peddle and all he wanted to focus on was the long straight path ahead.

Kei opened the door and stepped outside, wobbling slightly on his cramped legs and the uneven ground. The early morning felt damp, despite the hot sun that would be high in the sky all too soon, and Kei scraped the dew off the grass below him as he walked around to the other side of the car. He blinked at the trees that surrounded him and finally took note of the road ahead. The pavement was old. Kei was certain that maintenance there was not on anybody’s mind as he traced out the potholes with his gaze as far as he could see.

The man was certain he was lost, but that didn’t matter. Road signs existed for a reason if he ever wanted to find his way, though he _did_ know he needed to find a gas station. As luck would have it, there was a road sign nearby that told him that one would be coming up. Kei felt a touch grateful at his ounce of luck, though he was far from being able to smile about it.

Fed up with the whistling birds, Kei finally swung open the driver’s door and let himself fall to the seat inside, starting the car immediately without another thought and turning the sudden music up as loud as it could go to drown out any thought remaining. As long as he was on the road, he’d be okay…

...At least for a while…

 

+++

 

That day felt easier than the last few had been. Kei had struggled to make it fifteen minutes without stopping to calm himself down on the first day he left. Days two and three were a little better, though the nights were hard. On day four he had managed to find a motel to crash in and finally take a shower, but actually having a bed to sleep in that night only brought the flood of panic back at full force. He couldn’t deal with it and took off in the middle of the night.

Despite the crick in his neck, Kei felt it was best to just sleep in his car while he was out and for some reason, giving in to the new norm made him feel better. He could breathe easier on the road, and get used to the panning scenery. He could find comfort in empty roads and not pay attention to which town he may or may not end up in. It was a life all too different than the one he had left behind, and he liked that. He could get lost in that and only find his way in reality once he needed to refuel, and judging by the light signalling his low tank in his peripheral, that’d have to be really soon.

Luckily, the gas station the sign spoke of was in his sights, and he slowed his roll, car bumping up over into the lot as he pulled in next to the pumps. He took a deep breath to brace himself before he got out. He knew he’d have to deal with people when he paid, but he figured he could handle a single station clerk. Kei huffed out his breath and just decided to jump in and get it over with, not bothering with checking how he looked in any of his mirrors. He didn’t have to see his reflection to know he looked completely haggard.

He finally stepped out of the car, shutting the door a bit too hard behind him as he made his way over to grab the gas pump. He opened the latch and sighed, knowing he’d be there for a short while. He took note of the deserted lot in his immediate vision, not a person in sight. He looked down at the ground and nudged at a cigarette butt, absently wondering about who the asshole smoking in front of a gas pump was, and that just brought his mind back to the task at hand. That was probably enough gas, so Kei took pressure off the handle and lazily turned to hang the pump back-...

“Hey! Nice ride!”

“ _Jesus Christ!_ ” Kei spat hoarsely. He could have sworn there was nobody around for miles and the exclamation startled him so much that he nearly dropped the pump in his hands. He spun around to see where the voice had come from, narrowing his eyes in a sharp glare as soon as he caught sight of the idiot who was grinning for lord knows what reason. The man in front of him held his hands up in defense.

“Whoa, whoa! I didn’t mean to scare you. No need to shoot!”

Kei was confused by the statement but then realized he was holding the gas pump out like a gun. He clicked his tongue and scoffed, turning around as he did so and put the pump back on the hook. He refused to even attempt making small talk with some crazy random so he simply shut the door of his gas tank and walked straight past the man. Kei may have heard him say something along the lines of ‘ _Hey wait!_ ’, but he didn’t care. All he needed to do was pay for the gas and maybe pick up some way too salty pre-made sandwich for when he inevitably got hungry later. The door chimed as he walked inside.

“Welcome!” the clerk exclaimed from behind the counter. Kei flinched inwardly at all the sudden outward stimulus, bright lights, way too peppy for an off-road gas station clerk and the annoyance that was still scratching at his mind from that idiot outside. In reality it wasn’t much, but for Kei in that moment it was enough to get under his skin.  

He walked past the counter without saying anything, heading straight for the fridge to pick out what little food he could stomach. He grimaced at a sandwich and picked it up, making sure to grab a few extra bottles of water as well before making his way back to the counter.

“Will that be all sir?” the clerk asked, a bright grin on her face. Kei took note of the freckles dotting her cheeks, the thoughts being stirred up by the sight making his stomach turn. The woman blinked at him a few times before trying again. “Sir?” she asked.

Kei shook his head to snap himself out of it. This was not the time nor the place for another breakdown, and he’d be sure to be long gone on the road before he’d let himself fall victim to that. He thought he was over this, these stupid things triggering memories he didn’t need, but there it was plain as day, dotting his vision. He raked his fingers through his hair.

“Sorry, yeah. Just this and the gas.” he said, his voice coming out far more weakly than he wanted, but the clerk smiled regardless.

“Alrighty, that comes to-...” she began, but before she could finish, she was cut off by a stray hand slapping a fifty dollar bill on the counter. Kei flinched at the sound and sudden gesture, eyes darting up the mystery person’s arm and then falling to a familiar face who was lecherously grinning at the clerk, at least that’s what it looked like to Kei.

“You…” Kei grumbled. It was the irritating guy with the rat’s nest for hair from outside. What the hell was he-

“Keep the change.” the man said to the clerk, clearly smug over how smooth he was coming across.

She shifted uncomfortably before pointing out that the price was a bit more than the single bill he had offered. The man’s expression dropped, soon followed by him awkwardly patting down his pockets to find some change.

“Oh damn, sorry! Hold on, I think I have some change here… Ha ha, gas prices are so high these days!” he rambled, and this whole situation was getting on Kei’s last nerve.

“Oh for _fuck’s sake_.” Kei grumbled, slapping down his own money on the counter and leaving with his bag of items, not another word to say.

“Hey, wait up!” he heard from behind him. Kei ignored him once again, heading in a rapid line straight for his car. He was just about to reach for the door handle when the man swooped around him in a quick motion and leaned his entire body back against the door, completely blocking Kei from opening it. Kei actually grunted that time.

“Okay, what’s wrong with you?” he finally asked, seeing no other option but to address him at that point.

“Who me? I just tried to pay for your gas and you refused, what’s wrong with you?” he shot back breezily.

“Well I never asked you to and now you’re blocking my door. Get out of the way, I need to go.”

“Oh come on, you can’t be in _that_ much of a rush.” he said, folding his arms and getting comfortable against the car. Kei absolutely could not deal with this.

“And how do you suppose that?” he asked, his voice exasperated as he tried with all his might not to punch the living daylights out of the man.

“I saw you sleeping in your car about 3 miles back, and by the looks of it…” he said, trailing off for a moment to gaze in the car window. “...That wasn’t the first time.” he finished, locking eyes with Kei as he said it and piercing him with a knowing grin.

Kei glared at him, his fist tightening around the bag handle he held. He wasn’t about to be read like a book by some stranger, no matter how true the statement was. Kei lunged towards the man and grabbed him by the shoulder, pulling him away from the door. He didn’t put up much of a fight and he was pretty easy to move. _Good_ , Kei thought, as he finally reached the handle, but the man was quickly back again, leaning against the door with his arm propped up on the roof and leaning his head against his hand.

 

“Okay, so clearly you don’t care for benevolence so I’ll just cut to the chase. Can I hitch a ride?” he asked, laying the charm on thick. Kei wasn’t buying it.

“What the fuck? No.” he said firmly, his face twisting into a sour look. The man looked at him sympathetically but Kei knew for a fact it wasn’t sincere.

“You know, if you keep frowning like that you’re going to ruin your pretty face.” he said, reaching a hand up to brush the backs of his fingers against Kei’s cheek. It all happened so suddenly that Kei could barely process what he was hearing, but his subconscious was taking care of him as he flung a hand up and slapped the man’s fingers away.

“Don’t touch me.” he spat. The man put up his hand defensively.

“Whoa-ho! Okay! So no benevolence, or flirting… is there any other way I can convince you give me a ride? I swear it’s not far, just up the-”

“I already said no, so get your goddamn smirk out of my face. I’m leaving.” Kei said, his final words before wrestling the black haired bastard off of his car, finally managing to pry him off with a heavy shove and taking the split second he had to open the door and hop in as quickly as he could, turning the key and speeding off. He needed to get out of there as fast as possible. It was crap like that which made him dread going into any place with people. He just couldn’t deal with that bullshit, and just the thought of it made him glare back into his rearview mirror, seeing that idiot just standing there with-...

Kei’s eyes went wide and he patted his pocket, quickly switching and patting all of them when the familiar object wasn’t there.

“That son of a-”

With screeching tires, Kei nearly did a donut in the middle of the road to turn around, breaking the rules be damned as he sped back to where the man was standing patiently and coming to an abrupt stop. He stuck his head out the window that he had already rolled down in his fury.

“Give me back my fucking wallet, you ass!” he yelled, flinging his open hand and pretty much most of his upper body out the window to lunge after brown leather object in the man’s hands. He dodged Kei with ease, eyes still glued to the open wallet as he swayed back and forth away from Kei’s grabbing.

“Hey, Kei Tsukishima is a pretty cool name!” he exclaimed, dodging Kei once more. “Six foot two, age twenty-three! Man, you can learn so much about someone by just reading their license!” he spoke in such an obnoxious tone, though his voice was fairly booming. Kei had enough of his antics and got out of the car again to really lunge for his wallet. There was nothing the man could do once Kei stood at his full height and with the surprised expression on his face, it seemed like the guy knew it too, so just as Kei was about to make a grab for it, the man thought fast and shoved the wallet down the front of his pants. Kei froze.

“What… the fuck.” he deadpanned, absolutely stupefied by this person’s behaviour. Kei looked up at his face, and all he could see was a grin as pleased as could be.

“The name’s Tetsurou Kuroo! And if you want your wallet back, you’re going to have to give me a ride.”

Kei pinched the bridge of his nose, glasses lifting ever so slightly as he took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He wouldn’t punch this guy. He _couldn’t_ punch this guy. Because if he _did_ punch this guy, he was certain the force would kill him, and going to jail for murder would be sure to make his life more irritating.

“Okay, I’m going to count to three and if I don’t have that wallet in my hands by the time I’m done I swear I’m going to call the cops.”

“You know I’m not sure how fast the cops could get here-”

“One.”

“I mean, it’s not as if the wallet is out of your vicinity, it’s right-”

“Two.”

“If you’d just give me a ride then I’d-”

“Three. That’s it!” and just like that, Kei reached into his car window and started scraping around all of his junk for his phone. He would have normally mentally kicked himself for not keeping a closer eye on it, but the phone wasn’t exactly something he had been needing those past few days. He knew it was somewhere though, he just needed to-...

“You know this would have had a lot more impact if you didn’t look like a gopher stuck in the ground.”

Kei ignored that comment because he finally shoved a bottle aside on the floor and found what he was looking for. He grabbed the phone and pulled himself out of the car, making a show of pressing the on button but nothing was lighting up. There was a pause before he pressed it again, and when nothing happened, Kei simply glared at the device as if it had caused all this. He could hear Tetsurou snorting back giggles in his throat before absolutely cracking up.

“Oh my God, you’re a mess!” he called, pointing and laughing and everything. Kei grunted, tossing the useless phone back in the car before pointing right back.

“Oh, _I’m_ the mess here, yeah, _sure_! Who’s the one backpacking in the middle of nowhere again? You look like you’ve been sleeping in the bushes for weeks!” he yelled. Kei mentally cursed his lack of wit in the heat of the moment. He hadn’t even conversed with anybody in a while let alone chew them out.

Tetsurou looked down at himself and glanced up at the dark bangs in his eye in a quick motion. He smirked and pulled a twig out of his hair.

“Yeah, well, that’s neither here nor there. So about that ride?”

“Don’t you fucking _dare_!” Kei threatened, wagging his finger in Tetsurou’s direction.

Tetsurou frowned as he looked Kei up and down. It was clear that he was looking for some kind of ammunition to finally convince him to give him a ride, but Kei wasn’t going to give in. He didn’t need any company on the road, let alone somebody so obnoxious. Tetsurou sighed.

“Fine…” he said, his voice defeated. Kei raised an eyebrow, unconvinced that somebody like this would give up so easily. He watched as Tetsurou fished the wallet out of his pants and handed it back. Kei eyed it with a sour look on his face before taking it. “I’ll have you know that yours has been the first car I’ve seen down this road for days, but I suppose I can wait for somebody else.” he lamented insincerely. Kei rolled his eyes.

“Whatever. It’s not my problem you came all the way out here for-...” Kei started, but completely dropped off when he realized most of the contents of his wallet were missing. He fired his glare back in Tetsurou’s direction who had started whistling innocently. “I’m going to kill you.”

Tetsurou stalled his whistling to pull a twenty out of his pants pocket and waved it in Kei’s direction. “I’ll pay for your ga~aas.” he sing-songed.

“That’s _my_ money! Give me back my stuff!” he demanded, though Kei had to admit, just dealing with such a ridiculous situation was making him tired. He didn’t want to yell or scream or fight anymore. He had put up with enough of that already, and he was very much missing the quiet of his car. The desperate need to escape his current interaction was almost enough to push him over the edge and he couldn’t believe that he was on the verge of breaking down in front of a complete stranger.

It seemed as though his anxieties shown on his face because Tetsurou’s expression had shifted to genuine concern.

“Ah, hey. You alright?” he asked.

Kei was beginning to tremble and he latched onto the roof of his car to steady himself.

“I’m fine just… fuck, give me back my stuff please. I can’t…” Kei stammered, voice weakening as he felt a stinging behind his eyes again. Pathetic. He really was pathetic, being so far gone to not be able to handle a conversation or stand up for himself. There was a pause before he heard some shuffling next to him. He looked up to see Tetsurou worriedly emptying his pockets.

“Shit, I’m sorry. I really was just playing around.” he said, voice soft as he handed back all the cards, money and papers to Kei. He eyed them weakly, not bothering with a glare as he took the items, carefully putting it all back in his wallet silently. Kei was trying not to think about anything, merely not wanting to have a panic attack in front of this guy, though it seemed like he could express a genuine sentiment. Kei couldn’t exactly say he felt comforted, but there was something about Tetsurou’s expression that eased him just a bit. He sighed.

“Get in.” Kei said shortly. Tetsurou blinked, eyes widening in surprise.

“What, really?” he asked. Kei finally managed to get his glare back.

“Shut up before I change my mind.” he said, opening the door and getting inside the car. He noticed Tetsurou hop on the balls of his feet before running around to the other side and quickly huddling to the passenger’s seat, hauling the bag off his back and setting it on his lap.

“Agh, Kei! You’re the best! Guess theft is what gets you going, who knew-...” he exclaimed, but Kei lifted a hand to stop him there.

“I’m not interested in conversation. Just keep your mouth shut and your hands off my wallet and you can have a ride.” he explained, shooting a harsh glance to his side. “I hold the right to kick you out at any time.”

Tetsurou gave a firm nod, doing the zipper motion over his lips with one hand and flashing Kei the ‘okay’ sign with the other. Kei put his keys in the ignition, satisfied with the reaction. He didn’t know exactly why he gave in. It was probably a mix of fatigue and feeling a touch thankful for the brief comfort the man's presence had given. Not that he’d admit that to a stranger though, a simple ride would be enough.

Kei turned the key, starting the car and turning up the music immediately, a gruff rock tune filling the car and startling Tetsurou into covering his ears.

"Damn! You really like that loud, don't you!?" he yelled, barely audible through the screaming of the song and wailing guitars.

Kei didn't respond. If Tetsurou wanted a ride so badly then he'd just have to deal. Once this was done, he could go back to being left alone...


	2. I Can't Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey…” Kei heard from off to the side, a light touch of fingers grazing his arm, grabbing his attention. His gaze flickered over to Tetsurou who was giving him a gentle smile.
> 
> “What?”
> 
> “Ah, nothing to be honest, you just look a lot better than you did this morning, is all. That’s good!”

_~_

_It’s been, thirty seven days_   
_Since you, turned and walked away_   
_Baby, you were foolish_   
_You were wrong_   
_You should have made it better_

_~_

With the music turned up as loud as it could go, Kei found zooming down the road with Tetsurou in the passenger seat to be fairly uneventful, as he wanted it. It was easy enough to zone out while looking straight ahead at the zipping pavement, and knowing that the company wouldn’t last long made it simple for Kei to pretend that Tetsurou wasn’t even there...

...Though around the forty minute mark, he kept seeing flashes of messy hair and tanned arms fidgeting next to him, and it only took about five minutes of that to make him completely lose his patience.

“Would you sit still!?” Kei tried yelling over the music though his voice was drowned out.

It took Tetsurou a moment to notice that he was being addressed, but once he had, all he did was cup a hand around his ear and shrug his shoulder while grinning like a moron. Kei grunted and slapped the volume button down, the music becoming a soft whisper in comparison to the speaker busting level it was before.

“You’re driving me nuts. I said, _sit still!_ ” Kei repeated at the same volume he had just used. Tetsurou raised his hands defensively.

“Hey! No need to yell.” he said, as smooth as can be. “You must be going deaf from that volume. Do you always listen to your music so loud?”

Kei shot him a glare from the corner of his eye for a  moment before putting them back on the road.

“How much further until you get to where you need to be?” he asked impatiently. Tetsurou looked out the window, blinking back the sun that struck his eyes.

“Um…” he mused, his vision catching a road sign in the distance that he followed while they passed. “Should be there by nightfall at this rate!” Tetsurou said happily. Kei, on the other hand, was not as smitten with this news and his eye twitched at just the thought of having this oaf in his passenger seat for the next twelve or so hours.

“You’re kidding me.” Kei mumbled to himself.

“Hm?”

“So do I just keep going straight, or…?” Kei asked, begrudgingly.

“Yep!” Tetsurou exclaimed brightly.

Kei sighed, basking in the quiet for a moment before Tetsurou opened his big fat mouth again.

“So, why do you sleep in your car on random highways?” he asked.

Kei slapped his hand on the volume button again, turning the music back to blast and that was as good an answer as he was going to get. Tetsurou grinned as though he expected as much and simply leaned back in the seat, utterly chill.

Kei was thankful for the blanket of sound that covered him. He knew that if he had to deal with any more small talk like that he’d blast straight through the roof, which really put into perspective how much he had lost it out here…

It wasn’t as if Tetsurou’s questions, or even the concept of having a conversation, was bad, it was just that Kei knew he didn’t have the patience for it. When he got into his car five days ago and drove off, he had no plan as to where he was going, but he knew that he didn’t want to deal with anybody. He wanted to be far away from human interaction, free to think or just be rid of all that stupid emotional baggage that was making his life a living hell. He wanted to deal with it on his own and figure it all out. Although, the ounce of relief he felt back at the gas station at just a simple soft glance from Tetsurou was enough to show him how much he pathetically missed the comfort of another.

Oh, how the mighty had fallen.

Stuck deep in his thoughts, as he so had been since he started his voyage, Kei’s face started to twist uncomfortably all on its own as he worked through his haze of feelings, zoned in on that black space, a mere tunnel vision of the road in front of him being all he could see. Despite the tightness in his chest, he could deal with that state. It had been what he fell into naturally after all the hours he had spent alone on the road, however, the distinct burning feeling of eyes peering at him from his right was enough to nudge him out of that place...

...And it irritated him all the more.

“Would you stop stari-!” Kei began to yell, only to be assaulted by a screeching buzz, followed by the sound of white noise and a loud _pop_ , silence falling abruptly after that. The lack of sound made Kei slow to a stop on side of the road and he and Tetsurou shared a wide eyed glance before the black haired man started cracking up.

“Oh my God! See what happens when you listen to your music so loud!?” Tetsurou hollered, the whooping laugh that escaped him completely slapping Kei in the ears.

His eyes narrowed in Tetsurou’s direction. “Get out.” he said instantly. Tetsurou stopped laughing and blinked at him.

“Wait, what?” he asked.

“There’s no way I’m dealing with you without speakers. Ride’s over.”

A bit of panic struck Tetsurou’s expression and he held up his hands. “Wait, wait! I uh… I have a friend who can fix that for you!” he squawked.

Kei wasn’t sure he could believe such a hasty statement. “Really? And where exactly is this friend?” he asked suspiciously.

“He’s at our destination!” Tetsurou answered with a smile.

“Well that sure is convenient.” Kei said flatly, a brow lifting all on its own.

“No I swear! I’ve uh… I’ve been trying to get to this party you see…” he began to explain but Kei completely cut him off.

“Hold on. You’re out here in the middle of nowhere… hitchiking… walking on a barren-ass highway… And you were only trying to get to some _party?_ ”

“It’s this huge weekend-long shindig!” Tetsurou said excitedly.

“Oh my God…” Kei groaned. This guy really was an idiot, wasn’t he?

“Pfft! Well at least I’m out here to have some fun! Can’t say the same for you, mister sour puss.” Tetsurou said, a playful jab in his voice. Kei clutched at his wheel, knuckles going white at the force. This guy had no idea what Kei had been through, or why he was out here, not that he’d dignify the man with an explanation. Tetsurou quietly watched him again with a softer look as if he was reading something that had mysteriously appeared on Kei’s face. Unable to take anymore, Kei was about ready to turn around and snap-

“Hey…” Tetsurou spoke gently, catching Kei off guard before he could sputter insults back at the passenger. Kei looked at him, eyes suspicious, but all Tetsurou wore was a smile. “Why don’t you come to the party with me?” he offered. Kei furrowed his brows.

“Absolutely not.” he quickly said.

“Oh come _on_.” Tetsurou said, leaning his weight against the dashboard. “A few beers, tons of snacks, cute girls.” he listed, eyebrows wiggling at the last one. Kei’s eye twitched at the mere mention of it, something that Tetsurou picked up on immediately. “Cute _boys_ , then?” he inquired.

Kei wasn’t expecting the question so his eyes widened despite himself. Tetsurou gave a hearty, joyful laugh. “Ha ha! There we go!”

“Ugh, shut up. I’m not going to your stupid party.” Kei grumbled, pulling back onto the road to distract himself from this whole conversation.

“Hey, you want your speakers fixed, don’t you?”

“I want you to be quiet.”

“Aw come on, don’t be like that. Aren’t road trips supposed to be fun?”

“I’m not out here for fun.” Kei said, though he more so muttered it to himself.

Tetsurou paused for a moment before responding. Kei could tell that he was still being observed and it was really getting under his skin, but he also didn’t want to talk anymore. Yelling at this guy was futile and he simply didn’t have the energy for it.

“Well… maybe you should be.” was all he said, relaxing back in the seat and looking ahead. Kei glanced over for just a second, as if to confirm that the coast was clear from any and all small talk or staring. It seemed to be, and Kei’s glance lingered on that grin of Tetsurou’s for a moment longer before eyeing the road again. Stupid smirk looked like it was hiding a million secrets. Kei hated it.

Yet there he was, continuing to drive for some reason. He supposed he had no other options, this being the easiest one. He wasn’t exactly in the mood for thinking too hard about a way out of the dumb situation, he just had to drive and endure... And try his best to ignore the incessant tapping Tetsurou had started doing against his dashboard.

It went on like that off and on for another hour. Kei could see it all at the corner of his eye, and hear every shift irritate his ears. Tetsurou would begin tapping his fingers against the armrest, or jittering his leg in place, causing the empty bottles to clunk about. As he went to drum against the dashboard one more time, Kei flung a hand out to grab his wrist and stop him.

“Are you really that much of a child that you can’t sit still in a car for more than ten minutes?” he scolded, tightening his grip on Tetsurou’s wrist to make a point.

“Agh, I’m just bored. Your music was loud but at least it was something.” he lamented.

“Well, grow up.” Kei said firmly, tossing Tetsurou’s wrist to the side.

“Jeez, you’re really on edge aren’t you?”

_What was your first clue_ , Kei thought, but he didn’t say anything, merely bearing Tetsurou’s gaze on him again.

“Come on, would it kill you to talk just a little? It looks like you’ve been pent up for days.”

“I don’t know why you’re so concerned about that. I’m only giving you a ride, I don’t want to be your friend.”

“Ouch.” Tetsurou said, physically wincing. Kei shrugged, forever looking straight ahead. “Well, I’m sure you won’t be saying that after a few drinks.” he added and nudged Kei playfully in the shoulder. Kei’s expression slumped all the more, if that was even possible, and when he looked back over at Tetsurou, he looked positively exhausted.

“You seem to think I’m easily charmed.” he said flatly.

“I seem to think you’ll be needing something to do while my friend fixes your speakers.” Tetsurou shot right back. Kei rolled his eyes.

The man wasn’t wrong, and it wasn’t as if Kei had the money to do any work to his car let alone something as frivolous as repairing a sound system. He knew this mysterious _‘friend’_ would have to look into it, Kei just hoped that he’d be able to put up with more people long enough to accept the favor.

“I can wait wherever. I don’t need to drink, especially with you.”

“Mm, suit yourself!” Tetsurou said, and that seemed to be the end of that as the man looked out at the passing scenery.

Kei wondered for a moment if that actually _was_ the end, or if Tetsurou was plotting something behind that grin of his. He had only known the man for about two hours and already he was starting to notice a pattern, though despite his irritation, it did leave Kei thoroughly distracted, and as he pulled up into the next gas station for a pit stop, he realized that he hadn’t felt like he was sinking all day like he had been before.

Irritation came as natural as breathing to Kei. Just like apathy, it was a feeling he was used to, one that made sense and actually made him feel like himself. The blond supposed that being annoyed by Tetsurou was actually a step up from the panic attacks he had been enduring over the past few days. He didn’t exactly like that fact, but he also didn’t like losing all of the air from his lungs either.

He tore some paper towels from the dispenser and dried his hands, thoughts wandering to the night and wondering how he was going to deal with it again. Would he just sleep in his car like the night before? Well of course, he knew how much he couldn’t handle sleeping in a bed, but then, what did nightfall have in store for him? He thought hard about it as he clutched the paper towel wad in his hand. There was nothing but a black highway out there, and for a brief second, he wondered if a beer with some random would make the night easier…

...But he tossed that idea away along with his paper towel. It was _his_ problem and he’d deal with it on his own.

Once Kei had finished up, he made his way back to where he had parked the car. He hoped briefly that Tetsurou had found somebody else to bother, but realized he couldn’t be that lucky when he saw that rat’s nest through the window, and of course he was grinning at something.

Kei didn’t bother looking over at him when he got back in the car, but when he heard a myriad of shuffling next to him, his attention was drawn over to a man who had just been caught red handed.

“What the fuck are you doing?” he asked, terrifyingly calm for somebody who was staring at a man with his hand in the glove compartment. Tetsurou laughed nervously.

“Aha… Well, you’re just so mad and mysterious and you can learn _so_ much about somebody from their glove compartments...”

“You already stole my license today and you thought I’d be okay with this?” he asked, voice veering very close to the edge of rage.

“Not at all! But I figured since you’re stuck with me for the day, I’d play with fire and learn more about you.”

Kei took a deep breath. He couldn’t exactly say he was impressed with this guy’s tenacity, but it did say _something_ about him. Two could play this game…

“Right, so what does my napkin collection say about me?”

“Nothing really, but this bottle of lube speaks for itself!” Tetsurou blurted as he held up the item in question and waved it cheekily. Kei’s face went red almost instantly before slapping the stupid object straight out of Tetsurou’s hand, the bottle rolling to the floor somewhere. He had forgotten that was even in there, something from a long time ago…

“So, is this like a sex road trip or something because I could always-”

“Shut up.”

“Oh! Oh! Or maybe you’re trying to masturbate in every state! Damn, Kei, that’s a mighty fine goal.”

“ _Shut up._ ”

Kei would have lingered on his memory of the past had it not been for the embarrassment boiling in his face. It was frustrating having Tetsurou crack a joke about the stupid thing every fifteen minutes, but it was also crazy how much faster the time passed through the afternoon and into the evening...

“Okay, okay, but like, how about I set you up with someone at the party? I’m sure that bottle is lonely.” was Tetsurou’s fiftieth lame joke by the end of the day. Kei had endured one joke too many over the course of the past few hours and so he threw Tetsurou a daring smirk.

“If you don’t shut up, I’ll use it on _you._ ” he said, and Tetsurou went wide eyed at the response, clamping his mouth shut in surprise. Kei’s smirk grew slightly, pleased that he finally managed to say something to shut the passenger up, though he could only relish in the feeling for a mere second before a grin wiped over Tetsurou’s face again.

“I wouldn’t complain.” he said, voice almost a purr. Kei could feel the heat rise in his face again. Damn it, he couldn’t win with this guy!

“Ugh, I was joking. Who would want to sleep with you?” he said, face twisting about to show his disgust.

“Hey, hey… What’s with that face? I thought I saw a cocky smirk in there somewhere. Bring it back!” Tetsurou demanded and Kei could actually hear the pout on his lips.

“How much longer until I’m rid of you?” Kei asked through a dramatic sigh. He could feel some of his punchy sarcasm come back, and it actually surprised him a little bit, how much easier he was finding it to converse once he actually relaxed a smidge. Tetsurou looked out the window.

“Mm!” he exclaimed, pointing a finger ahead. “Do you see that light up in the trees?” he asked, referring to a hill in the distance. Kei squinted to focus on it.

“Yeah.”

“That’s it! So just keep heading straight towards your speakers’ saviour.” he said theatrically. Kei rolled his eyes, feeling a slight upward pull on the corners of his lips.

“You mean the idiot unloading lot.” Kei muttered.

“Hey!” Tetsurou called, though Kei knew he wasn’t actually offended. There was a beat of quiet, nothing but the whirling of tires brushing through the air before Tetsurou’s soft voice cut through the silence. “You look good with a smile on your face.” he said.

Kei was confused by the statement, because he knew for a fact that he wasn’t smiling. Though a glance in his rear view mirror told him otherwise, and he promptly let the smirk drop to a thin line…

 

+++

 

It wasn’t much longer before they were driving up a dirt road, guided by distant bass. The party seemed to be fairly remote, though the cabin they eventually pulled up to was rigged to have electricity. When Kei saw the crowd surrounding the building, he decided to roll to a stop as far away as he could while still being able to keep an eye on things. There was no way he was going to be pulled into such a rowdy group of what he could only see as frat boys drinking themselves stupid. He looked over at Tetsurou.

“Alright, get your friend and make it snappy. I need to go.” Kei said once he pulled the keys out of the ignition.

“Aww, why? I thought we were having fun today.”

“ _You_ probably were, _I_ had to deal with your stupid jokes all day.”

“Yeah, but it got you smiling now, didn’t it?” Tetsurou pointed out, nudging Kei in the shoulder with his finger.

Kei grunted. Tetsurou wasn’t wrong, but he certainly wasn’t about to give him the pleasure of acknowledgement. Not that he had anywhere else to go, but he wanted to make it clear that there was nothing going on here. He wanted to make it clear to _himself_ that the reason he had felt better that day compared to the others _wasn’t_ because he had spent it with somebody else...

Tetsurou tapped Kei’s shoulder a few times, encouraging him out of his seat. “Come on!” he called, hopping out of the car. Kei stayed put, his eyes following Tetsurou walking around to his side of the car. He folded his arms and grimaced ahead, especially so when Tetsurou opened his door and attempted to pull him out.

“Come _onnn!_ ” he said, and the deep whining was enough to pluck Kei’s last nerve. He sighed deeply and slammed on the button of his seat belt, the strap hissing backwards as he aggressively got out of the car. He was about ready to punch this guy in the face, until of course a large white blur zipped passed him, tackling Tetsurou out of Kei’s vision. The only thing remaining was the aftershock in the air and a ridiculous voice that yelled:

“AHHH! KUROO!”

Kei blinked at the blank space in front of him for a second before peeking down to see Tetsurou being nuzzled by what Kei could only describe as a very owlish looking man.

Tetsurou laughed loudly.

“Damn, Bokuto! You pack an even bigger wallop than before!”

“I didn’t think you were going to make it!” the man called Bokuto cried, his face certainly looking like he was on the verge of tears as well.

“Yeah, well, thanks to _this_ guy, I made it just in time!” Tetsurou said happily, pointing up at a stupefied Kei. He flinched when he noticed Bokuto shoot his gaze in his direction, the energy on his face completely overwhelming the blond. Bokuto grinned from ear to ear and practically flew off of the ground he got up so fast.

“Thank you, magnificent stranger!!” he yelled, making a stance to jump at Kei as well, but he didn’t manage the attack as Kei stepped backwards and Tetsurou grabbed the energy bomb by the back of his shirt.

“You’ll have to excuse this guy, he gets really affectionate when he’s drinking.” Tetsurou explained to Kei, his expression sympathetic, but all Kei could show was complete apathy.

“Please don’t tell me _he’s_ the one who’s going to fix my speakers.” was all he could say.

“Oh, God no.” Tetsurou laughed. “Bokuto, where’s Keiji?”

“ _AGH!_ I left him with those huge jocks!” Bokuto screamed, clutching at his ridiculously spiked hair before running off back to the cabin.

“Bokuto! You’re a huge jock too, though!” Tetsurou yelled, but Bokuto had raced far beyond listening. “Ha ha, well, that was Bokuto.” he said, shrugging in Kei’s direction with a smile.

“Yeah… Friend of yours?” Kei asked flatly.

“My, are you actually taking an interest in something?”

“Not if you’re going to be like that.”

Tetsurou laughed and ran his fingers through his hair, swiping the bangs from his face before they fell straight back into their frantic place. “Yes. We played volleyball in college together. We were pretty much inseparable but you know how it is after graduation, you kind of lose touch with people, yeah?”

Kei had to bite his tongue from saying anything stupid. He knew more than anyone what _that_ was like. “Yeah…” he said, though his voice was hoarse. Tetsurou tilted his head to the side, his interest piqued at the tone of Kei’s voice, but he brushed it all off with a smile.

“Anyway, this whole party’s supposed to be a reunion!” he said brightly, the fact making Kei’s chest tighten all the more.

“You better get going, then. Wouldn’t wanna miss out on seeing your friends.” Kei said, his voice shrinking below his screaming thoughts. He folded his arms as he leaned against the car.

“So, you’re really not coming?”

Kei clutched at his arms. The concern he heard in Tetsurou’s voice reminded him of somebody so much that it was a slap to the face. Thoughts of college and reunions and just hearing the happy laughter in the distance was enough to let Kei know that he didn’t belong there, didn’t belong in any kind of situation like that, not when he could barely get a grip on himself.

“No. Actually, you know what? I’m just going to leave now. Don’t worry about the speakers, enjoy your party.” he decided out loud as he opened his car door, but Tetsurou was right there to block it shut with his hip.

“Now, now. Don’t be hasty.” he said, softly. “You drove me here and put up with me so you’re not leaving until I get your speakers fixed, ha ha.”

As Tetsurou spoke, Kei dared look him in the eye and to his dismay, all he could find there was genuine kindness. He didn’t get this guy at all.

“Fine, but I’m waiting here.” he sighed. Tetsurou gave him a friendly pat on the shoulder.

“Can’t ask for more than that! I’ll be right back!” Tetsurou exclaimed, and just like Bokuto before him, he was running off to the cabin.

Kei took a deep breath, relaxing himself around his new environment. He decided to get back in the car to wait, his small mobile home blocking out most of the sound from the party. It seemed nice, having something to look forward to. Tetsurou had been so excited to see his old friends that he had apparently been hitchhiking for days to get here, and it was that large amount of excitement that actually made Kei feel guilty for wasting their time with his stupid speaker problem.

It was all pretty stupid, wasn’t it? Him being there… out on the road in general…

Kei stared at his steering wheel, eyes focused on the tiniest section as he mulled over what he wanted to do. It was night time again, and with the jovial scene in front of him, a wave of old emotions was pulling his hand towards the dead phone that had been discarded somewhere between the seats. He hadn’t had the urge to call since he left, didn’t _want_ to call… But now more than ever, he wanted to hear that familiar voice. One that would tell him to come home, because being on the outskirts of the party before him made Kei feel more pathetic than ever…

He found the phone and clutched it hard in his hand. That voice probably _wouldn’t_ tell him to come home, would it?

But he plugged it in anyway, running the car for a moment to get at least a bit of a charge. Maybe his family wanted to know where he was…

Kei was suddenly startled by a tapping at his window.

“Open up!” called Tetsurou’s muffled voice. Kei tried to blink himself back to reality before opening the door, noticing that Tetsurou wasn’t alone. “Your audio technician!” he said, gesturing to a very calm looking man with dark, elegant hair.

“Keiji Akaashi, at your service.” he said, voice just as calm as his face. Kei blinked at him as if expecting this guy to jump at him or say something stupid like everybody else he had met that day, but he didn’t and merely walked up to the door. “Your setup, is it just default?” he asked, pointing to the car.

“Um, yes…” Kei answered, still a bit on edge.

“Excellent. Do you mind if I…?” Keiji trailed off as he asked. Kei picked up on the implication quickly.

“Yeah sure.” he said, and promptly opened the car door for him.

Kei took a step back as Keiji crawled inside, lighting up a small pocket flashlight while he started working. Tetsurou took a step next to him as Kei watched.

“Jeeze, it took way less effort for him to get into your car than it did for _me_.” he said. Kei rolled his eyes.

“This guy didn’t steal my wallet.”

“Touché!” Tetsurou exclaimed as he shoved a cold can against Kei’s chest.

“Wha… I thought I told you I didn’t want to-”

“Look, it’s gonna take a while for Keiji to fix the problem so just relax okay? Lord knows you need to take a chill pill.”

Kei hesitantly took the can into his hand. He honestly didn’t think drinking would help him at all, but Tetsurou wasn’t wrong about the wait, and Kei could tell he was actually trying to be nice. He cracked open the beer to humour Tetsurou in the very least.

“Thanks.” Kei said simply, taking a small sip of the drink. The gesture seemed to please Tetsurou and the man got comfortable as he leaned against the tree that was near them. Kei followed his movements, raising an eyebrow as he did so. “Don’t you have a party to get back to?” he asked, pointing in the party’s general direction.

Kuroo grinned and raised his index finger up to his lips, grinning devilishly behind them.

“I’m playing a game.” he whispered. Kei was officially confused, opting to occupy his mouth with another sip of beer while turning to watch Keiji as he fiddled about in the car, instead of asking Tetsurou to elaborate.

“KUROOOOOOOO!” cried a distant yell, not two seconds later. Keiji popped his head out of the car at the sound.

“Tetsurou, please don’t do that to him.” he said calmly.

“Oh come on, it’s been ages since we’ve played drunken hide and seek!” Tetsurou exclaimed.

“You’re not drunk, nor are you hiding.” Kei pointed out. Keiji seemed fine with him taking over the situation with his statement and ducked back into the car. Tetsurou had to use all his willpower to contain his snickering.

“Yeah, but Bokuto is.” he said.

Kei furrowed his brows for a moment as he put two and two together. “Wait, is he supposed to be the one hiding?” he couldn’t help but ask. Tetsurou bent over laughing, free hand clutching at his knee while the other spilled his drink all over the ground.

Kei hadn’t felt like laughing in what felt like years, but with just the sheer drunken stupidity in front of him and Tetsurou laughing so heartily about it, he couldn’t help the mocking snort that got caught in his throat, a sound that instantly caught Tetsurou’s attention.

“Wanna help me find him?” he asked, tapping Kei’s shoulder enthusiastically. Kei flinched at the excited force.

Before Kei could even begin to answer, Bokuto’s voice sweeped through the trees again, this time with more of a sob.

“Ku.. rooooo!” it cried.

“I think you have plenty of help already.” Kei said. Tetsurou couldn’t help but laugh again.

Kei was beginning to wonder if the few sips of beer he had were already beginning to go to his head because he felt so much lighter than he had been before now. Though he had been hesitant to embrace a random party in full, his current surroundings weren’t so bad what with Tetsurou’s booming laughter, the small sounds of a calm Keiji tinkering away at his car and what seemed to be full on sobbing now coming from a little ways in the woods. It felt friendly, kind, and just a bit too past ridiculous for Kei to feel completely swallowed up by the darkness he had been wallowing in, and for the first time in days, he actually felt at peace.

He had forgotten what that felt like…

“Hey…” Kei heard from off to the side, a light touch of fingers grazing his arm, grabbing his attention. His gaze flickered over to Tetsurou who was giving him a gentle smile.

“What?”

“Ah, nothing to be honest, you just look a lot better than you did this morning, is all. That’s good!”

“That’s just because it’s dark out now.” Kei pointed out, not really seeing what Tetsurou was getting at. Despite the calm he was feeling, he knew that he still looked like a mess the same way he had that morning and all day, in fact.

“Right.” Tetsurou said, not picking up on Kei’s obliviousness in the slightest. He took a few steps forward and turned to face the blond. “So you sure you don’t wanna help me find him? I know he yells but it’s more of a challenge than you might think.” he explained, laying his charming smile out this time for the world to see.

“I think I’m good.” Kei said, waving his hand dismissively. Tetsurou shrugged.

“Oh well, suit yourself. I’ll be back to check on you later though, don’t worry.” he said, giving a wink.

“You really don’t have to-...” Kei started saying, but Tetsurou had already darted off into the woods. Kei sighed.

He leaned back against the tree again, sipping at the drink that had been so generously given to him before wondering if he should address the one fixing the problem with his car. He stepped over to the vehicle and popped his head inside.

“Um… is everything going okay?” he asked stiffly. Keiji looked up to look at Kei, but also brought his light up with him and the blond was temporarily blinded. “Ah!”

“Oh, sorry about that.” Keiji said, turning off his flashlight. “It’s going well, I need to replace a part to make it all work again, but it’s something common that I keep with me, so it’s no big deal.” he explained, flicking the light back on to keep tinkering away.

Kei nodded, even though he knew Keiji couldn’t see. He thought for a moment if he should say something, keep going with idle conversation, maybe? But that all felt like too much work, and too awkward, quite frankly, even if this guy was doing him a huge favour. He decided to just lean against the car and sip at the beer in silence.

“So how long have you and Tetsurou been dating?” Keiji asked. Kei sprayed out the entire contents of his mouth to the ground below him. The sound caused Keiji to pop his head out of the car once more.

“What the hell did he tell you!?” Kei spat, beer still trickling down his chin as he wiped at his face. Keiji blinked.

“Well, nothing actually. I just assumed, I’m sorry.” he explained calmly. Kei tried his best not to snap at the man in front of him. It wasn’t his fault that Tetsurou had been ridiculously vague, and he had a hard time believing that it was anything but deliberate considering the person he seemed to be. Perhaps that punch _was_ in order…

“Um…” Keiji spoke up, breaking Kei away from his inner rage “...Don’t be angry with him. He really only ran up towards me as fast as he could and said something needed to be fixed asap, so, I didn’t really have time to ask.”

Kei blinked at Keiji for a second before sheepishly taking a sip from the can he held again. He supposed that was as good an answer as any, and perhaps the bubbling rage in his tummy was a little uncalled for. He couldn’t exactly put his finger on it but there was something about Keiji that made all tantrums or frustration worthless in his presence, as if he made it all dissipate with his calm aura or something. Kei was fairly impressed.

“He _does_ seem to like you, though.” Keiji added before slipping back in the car, leaving Kei to deal with that one on his own.

He rolled his eyes and kept drinking. Did that really matter whether he did or didn’t? He had only met him that day and he barely knew anything about him except for him being extremely obnoxious…

...and pretty helpful, all things considered.

“I’m so sure.” Kei quipped, realizing he hadn’t said anything in a little while.

“No, really. He always gets this dopey smile on his face when he likes someone.” Keiji explained from inside, voice straining just a tad as he pulled himself out of the car finally. “That could mean anything though. Regardless, _do_ be gentle with him.” he suggested, taking one last look at his work from further back.

Kei almost wanted to laugh. He supposed Keiji didn’t know that they had only met that day and he was only looking out for his friend so he tried not to shoot back something completely rude. Besides, the guy had just fixed his speakers, he didn’t deserve Kei’s smart mouth.

“You can try them out now. I think I might have done the trick.” Keiji said, smoothly changing the subject so that Kei didn’t have to deal with whatever that had been.

“Alright.” said the blonde, walking over to the driver’s side and hopping into the car. He turned on the vehicle and flicked on the radio and just like that, clear sound was ringing through the air. He then shut it all down and stepped back out of the car. “Well, thank you.” was all he could say, a bit of admiration in his voice, all things considered. Keiji shook his head.

“It wasn’t a problem. It’s good to flex the college degree sometimes.” he said with a shrug. Kei nodded, though he suddenly felt at a loss over what to do. He said he was going to leave as soon as his speakers were fixed but Tetsurou hadn’t come back yet and…

...He had no idea why that would even matter, but he felt like he owed him at least a goodbye, even if he was begrudging about it.

“So did you want to head over to the cabin with me?” Keiji asked, as if reading Kei’s hesitation, though he was probably just being polite. Kei took another moment to think about it before finally speaking up.

“Um, nah. I think I’m just going to let this beer wear off and get back on the road.” he explained. Keiji lifted a brow.

“Really? In _this_ darkness? I don’t even think you’d be able to see your hand in front of your face.”

Kei shrugged. “I’ll be fine. Enjoy your party.” he said, lifting his hand in a casual wave before opening his car door and dipping inside. He glanced up and noticed the hesitation in Keiji’s step, but was soon relieved to see him walking back to the cabin and sure enough, he was finally alone again. He released a deep sigh, surprised over how much tension he had still pent up even if he _had_ felt better that evening. He supposed it was just a veil, though. Simply a quick patch to stop the leak of his sanity.

Kei brought the can back up to his lips, but quickly realized that it was empty. It was probably for the best. He closed his eyes, attempting to figure out just how much the beer had affected him to see if he was fit to get out of there. He did feel a bit of dizziness in his mind, so that was a no. He sighed and turned towards the back seat, looking to see if the sandwich he had left there earlier was still around, but before he could manage to make a grab for it, a hard thunk on his window scared the shit out of him.

“What the-!” he yelled, turning his head to see the source of the noise, but he was only met with the disturbing image of Tetsurou’s mouth opened as wide as it could go while he suction cupped at the window. Kei felt a bit traumatized for a moment but he quickly hit the button to lower the window causing Tetsurou to slide down with it before he actually stood up, laughing as hard as ever. “What on earth are you doing?” Kei asked the hysterical man clutching at his knees outside.

Tetsurou managed to stumble back to the window, leaning all of his weight inside and sloppily hanging through the hole.

“I’ll take two fries and an order of shake.” he slurred, holding up two fingers to Kei’s face. “Wait. Make that… _one fry_.” he whispered, running his two fingers down Kei’s cheeks, much to the blond’s disgust. He was so surprised at the sudden onslaught of drunken sloppiness that he was stunned stiff, however he quickly came to his senses and slapped Tetsurou’s hand away.

“What the hell happened to you?” he couldn’t help but ask. One minute this guy had been sweet and suave and then one trip out into the woods later he turned into a ridiculous drunk! Kei would just have to ignore the fact that his mind described his obnoxious passenger as sweet and suave…

Tetsurou looked at Kei, straight in the eyes and blinked. Once, twice, the third time lingering longer as Tetsurou shut his eyes really tight. “Ah…” he began “...keg stand.” he said flatly.

“Tch.” Kei uttered as he rolled his eyes. Of course, what had he expected?

Tetsurou grinned and brought his finger to his lips, making a small ‘shh’ sound. Like warm putty, Tetsurou let his body morph around the shape of the window base and draped himself inside even more, arm hanging over the steering wheel and face planted straight down in Kei’s lap.

“Jesus Christ, get a hold of yourself.” Kei said, grabbing the back of Tetsurou’s shirt and pulling him up. Tetsurou still had that grin smeared all across his face.

“Did Keiji fix your sspeakerss?” he slurred.

“Yes, and that means I’m leaving now. Please, get out of my window.”

“Whaaa… Kei no! Don’t go!” Tetsurou exclaimed, life returning to his body as he grasped around the blonde’s neck to hug him.

“Damn it, let go of me you idiot.” Kei grumbled, struggling for air in the tight grasp.

“No way! You’re too cute to let go, you and that grumpy fa~ce.” Tetsurou muttered in the crook of Kei’s neck.

Kei was going to ignore being called cute, because the hold he was in was aggravating enough and he was just about at the end of his last nerve. He didn’t want this, and didn’t _need_ this, especially so when Tetsurou shifted his face to look at Kei again, a drunken type of hunger painted all over his face. Kei’s eyes went a bit wide at the intensity of the stare, he could see a glimmer of distant light hit Tetsurou’s eyes, bringing out the golden flecks just right.

“Hey…” Tetsurou said softly, the breathy word reeking of alcohol. He finally crawled in through the window completely, hand sliding at the lever below the seat as he pushed them back so that he could awkwardly straddle Kei’s lap. Kei didn’t have the strength nor the space to handle a drunk Tetsurou, as large as he was especially, so he couldn’t do much but let his weight fall back. “Why don’t we have some fun before you go, hm?” he suggested, barely seductive through the slurring in his voice.

Kei couldn’t believe this was happening, and it was all so shocking that he almost couldn’t do anything about it, but he most absolutely didn’t want this. His mind didn’t want this, nor his body and most importantly…

...his heart couldn’t take this fooling around.

Tetsurou leaned in to claim a kiss but Kei quickly jolted his hand to grab Tetsurou’s face, finding his strength and shoving the man off with such fierceness that Tetsurou went tumbling sideways into the passenger’s seat, a deep yelp escaping him.

“Stay the fuck _off_ of me!” Kei yelled, panting even he was so furious. He knew that he didn’t know Tetsurou very well, but he didn’t seem like a guy who would do this sort of thing. Then again, when had Kei ever been right about people?

He glared down at Tetsurou, waiting for some kind of reaction, but all the man seemed to do was take a deep breath and just like nothing had even happened, he started snoring loudly.

Kei blinked at the scene, body still trembling with nerves and anger and everything else that he had bottled up that day. It was dark, some idiot had just made a pass at him, and in that moment, Kei wanted nothing more than he be home.

He wanted to be in those arms again…

He wanted gentle smiles flashed in his direction…

He wanted to hear that soft voice…

_That voice…_

Kei’s body reacted without even thinking and his hand reached out for the phone he had charged earlier. He turned it on, the bright light stinging his eyes, but that was good. It was something to distract him from the pain in his chest at least. He saw the old notifications at the top of the screen but he didn’t want to see them, didn’t want to know who they were from. He knew what he wanted, and he was scrolling through his phone numbers to find it, tapping at the number without a second thought once he saw it and whipping the phone up to his ear.

He waited, breath held as he waited for the ringing to start, but all he was met with was sharp tones punching at his ear drum, and Kei immediately checked the screen.

_Out of service._

Of course he was...

  
  


_~_

_So I cracked and called you today_   
_And the tears froze, on my face_   
_Cause you said, we were over_   
_You were so cold_   
_We should have been forever_

_~_

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song used in this chapter was "Can't Breathe" by Fefe Dobson~
> 
> As always, please let me know what you thought, and if you wanna come yell at me over on Tumblr, you can too right [HERE](http://sheenaxzelos.tumblr.com/) ! :D


	3. Mutual Aggravation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m not-” Kei said shortly, a bit of his breath catching in his throat. Tetsurou felt the car swerve dangerously over the road for a second, and as he witnessed Kei dodge a rare car coming from the opposite direction, he had to insist.
> 
> “Kei? You need to stop the car.” he repeated, placing a comforting hand on the blond’s shoulder. Kei flinched again.
> 
> “Stop touching me and I will.” he mumbled darkly.

There was a throbbing in Tetsurou’s head unlike any other, and he groaned at the heavy weight behind his eyes. Not having the courage to open them just yet, he rolled to his side. He knew he was laying down, though he couldn’t exactly tell _what_ he was laying on. Whatever it was, the rough texture scratched at his face and arms and there wasn’t a lot of space for him to move either. He tried to piece it all together before attempting to face the bright sun he knew was beaming on him from somewhere.

Was he in a ditch? No, he was pretty toasty, all things considered, and the stale odor that he inhaled smelled more like ham and fake pine than the great outdoors. He shifted his palm around to clutch at his surroundings. His arm hung over a ledge of sorts and his hand brushed past  some greasy papers before bringing it back up to grab at what he had just figured out had to be a car seat. The question was - what on earth was he doing in a car?

Tetsurou’s eyes twitched behind his lids, readying himself to open them and take in the daylight.

“Aagh…” he groaned. Just as he suspected, the light was blinding and sent a sharp pain through his skull, but that was the least of his worries at that moment, honestly. He took a deep breath and tried his best to ignore the awful queasiness churning about in his stomach so that he could figure this situation out.

He sluggishly eyed what surrounded him, slowly identifying the car as Kei’s, that guy who had given him a ride yesterday, but why? He could have sworn that Kei left last night, but it was daytime now and as Tetsurou peered out the window he realized that they were parked outside of a gas station. This was all far too much for his groggy mind, and he laid back along the back seat to ease his aching limbs.

Hangovers suck.

_**-RING, RING- - RING, RING-** _

Tetsurou clutched at his aching head. Phones ringing most certainly didn’t help either.

In his hangover induced rage, he sprung up to seek out the aggressively sharp noise, finding it fairly quickly as the phone had been left in the passenger’s seat. Tetsurou grunted at the thing and picked it up, answering it without thinking.

“Excuse me, do you mind? Some people are trying to nurse a hangover.” he grumbled hoarsely into the phone.

“Um…” sounded a gentle male voice on the other end “...Tsukki?” it asked.

“No, Tetsurou… who the fuck is Tsukki?” Tetsurou snapped back, though it was in that moment he realized that he wasn’t holding _his_ phone, but Kei’s. He opened his mouth to apologize but was cut off by the voice again.

“Ah, sorry. Wrong number.” it said, followed quickly by a click.

Tetsurou flinched at the sound, but shrugged it off. He looked at the phone’s screen to possibly catch a glimpse of the caller. There was a photo attached to the number and before it dropped away Tetsurou could tell that whatever guy had just called was pretty cute.

Though the name ‘Tsukki’ was certainly cuter...

 

+++

 

Kei couldn’t fathom what he was even doing, but it had been a request from Keiji, and Kei definitely felt like he owed him one after everything. Especially so when he had asked while carrying a very drunk Bokuto on his back. The poor boy looked rather miserable, even though he said he was fine…

Kei had been trying to fight away his stress and ignore Tetsurou’s stupid snoring when he had heard a light tap on his car window. Recognizing the smaller form, Kei rolled the window down and eyed the wobbly Keiji and Bokuto combo curiously.

“Keg stand?” was all Kei could ask. Keiji let out a heavy sigh and nodded, bouncing Bokuto upwards on his back so that he wouldn’t slip off.

“I should have known better than to let these two out of my sight. I thought they had grown up some but let them both loose at a party and it’s freshman year all over again.” Keiji explained. “Is Tetsurou in there with you?”

Kei’s expression fell flat as he nodded.

“He tried to order takeout from my window and then came on to me.” he explained. Keiji’s eyes went wide for a second before rolling them atop another sigh.

“I’m very sorry.” he said. Kei shook his head.

“It doesn’t matter.” he replied. He was surrounded by ridiculousness and all he wanted to do was put a shield around himself and disappear. Kei was exhausted.

“Um… I know this may seem a little forward but…” Keiji began, hesitating in his speech “...would you be able to take us to the motel nearby? We were going to stay here and leave with some friends in the morning, but these two need somewhere decent to sleep.”

Kei considered saying no, but Keiji had been the soundest of mind all evening, and despite the calm in his face, he was also coming off a little desperate. At the very least granting him this favour would distract Kei for a little while longer.

“It’s no problem.” Kei mumbled as he unlocked the back door. Keiji breathed a sigh of relief and then made his best attempt at shoving all of the unconscious Bokuto in the car before getting in himself. “Uh… sorry about the mess.” Kei added.

Keiji relaxed back in the seat. “Don’t worry about it. Honestly, I can’t thank you enough. I’m lucky you’re still here.”

“Mm.” had been Kei’s simple response. He was still recovering from his previous situation so didn’t have many words to offer, but it didn’t exactly seem like Keiji was in the mood for talking either.

Kei started the car and rolled carefully down the dirt road. Keiji was right, the darkness did pose a bit of a challenge, but it was okay for the most part. They hit the highway soon enough. Kei tried making some comment about the party, asking if it was good at all. Keiji just shrugged, saying it was nice to see some people again, but parties like that were never really his thing. Kei agreed, and as soon as their tiny conversation was over, a gaudy neon light that blared _**-MOTEL-**_ was in their sights.

Knowing that Keiji couldn’t possibly carry two drunk college athletes by himself, Kei decided to continue his good deed and help him out by carrying Tetsurou. He briefly thought maybe it would give him good karma, but that idea was quickly flicked away. Tetsurou groaned sloppily when Kei pulled him out of the car and slung him over his back. He was a bit heavy, but after seeing Keiji carry Bokuto, Kei knew he could handle it.

They stepped over pavement, littered in old fast food cups and newspapers, towards the front office. It wasn’t any cleaner inside, but that didn’t exactly matter to Kei. Well, he _did_ feel a little bad that Keiji had to put up with this, but it would only be for a night. Keiji hobbled towards the desk, Bokuto still on his back as he rang the filmy bell for service. They waited a while before he decided to ring it again, and it took a few more times after that to finally get somebody’s attention.

A very grumpy looking somebody…

“Excuse me, sir, but we would-...”

“Absolutely not!” the large man spat, speaking in an accent that Kei couldn’t exactly decipher, though his tone was enough to make the blond scowl. Keiji blinked back in surprise, looking rather winded as far as Kei could tell.

“But I haven’t even…”

“I know exactly your type of people. We have a single vacancy and I’m not about to give it to drunk youngsters who’ll probably trash the place.”

Kei held back the _‘tch’_ in his mouth as he adjusted the grip he had on Tetsurou, who was only getting heavier over his back. Keiji pressed on.

“Please, sir. We only want to sleep.”

“And I’m not even staying.” Kei added.

“Nope! I’ve been screwed far too many times by your type. Never again.” the man stated dryly, folding his arms decisively.

Kei clenched his eyes tight in frustration, trying with all of his might not to inject several rude comments about the establishment that were bubbling to his lips.

“Just these two then.” Kei grumbled, taking a step back to try and make Keiji and Bokuto the center of attention.

“What? But…” Keiji began questioning, however he was interrupted by the dull hum the owner started making.

“Hmm…” he contemplated suspiciously, squinting his eyes and completely scrutinizing poor Keiji. “Only quiet boy and owly?” he asked.

Keiji opened his mouth to protest, but Kei merely grunted a _'yes'_ behind him. The owner seemed fine with this for some reason and began scribbling a note on the counter, feeling around for keys underneath quickly after. He tossed them down on the chipped wooden surface.

“Two and only two.” the owner repeated, giving Keiji the stink eye. Keiji couldn’t even get out a _‘thank you’_ before the large man hobbled back through the door. The young man sighed.

“Ugh, it’s not even worth the thank you.” he muttered to himself as he turned to look at Kei. “Do we just all go in any-...”

“Don’t you _dare!_ ” yelled the man, causing Keiji to flinch.

“He’s not going to let up, stubborn old man.” Kei said in a quiet voice so as not to be heard. He tilted his head at the door, gesturing for Keiji to follow him outside so that he could start making his way to the room. “Tetsurou can sleep in my car.” he said once they were outside. Keiji looked surprised, though it was probably caused from nearly falling over under Bokuto’s incessant weight.

“You don’t have to-”

“Listen, I’m tired. I can’t even imagine how tired you are, so go to sleep. I’ll bring this idiot back in the morning and you can take him wherever.”

“You’re very kind, um…”

“It’s Kei. And it really doesn’t matter, it’s not as if I’m out here for any reason.” he said, his words distant as he had already started walking back towards his car. He heard a small thank you from behind him, but he didn’t feel like turning back around. All Kei wanted was to get the moron off of his back and coast through the rest of the situation. He could tell there was only a few hours before sunrise anyway, so all he had to do was wait for everybody to sleep it off. He would then deliver Tetsurou back to his friends and Kei could be back on his way to…

...Somewhere.

Anywhere.

More than likely nowhere…

He laid Tetsurou out on the back seat of his car and then hopped in the driver’s seat right after, settling down with a slump and an aggressive sigh. Kei ran his fingers through his hair and took a deep breath, slowly trying to unwind behind the wheel before a sharp snore behind him made him jump. He wasn’t going to get any sleep…

And he didn’t, bringing him back to his hazy moment in time where he was staring down a slouching teenager behind a counter.

“Uuh… sir? I said will that be all?”

Kei blinked once more. He had already done it about ten times trying to catch up with what the clerk of the gas station was saying, but it finally clicked and he slapped a ten dollar bill on the counter.

“Yeah.” Kei said, and with that he took his bagged items and scuffed his feet along the floor towards the door, pushing it open with a lazy shove.

He couldn’t fathom that he was even thinking about getting water for the idiot in his car, but Kei had been feeling thirsty himself and he knew everyone he met last night was going to be ridiculously thirsty as well. He was only thinking of poor Keiji, to be honest.

Either way, Kei knew he had a delivery to make and so he made his way across the parking lot, tinted orange by the hot morning sun, towards the car. He noticed a wild hairstyle squished up against the window in the back seat, and he took a deep breath to prepare himself for the idiocy that just _had_ to be a hungover Tetsurou. He opened the driver’s door and slipped into the seat, stopping dead in his motions to give Tetsurou a flat stare.

The man in question was indeed leaning his head back against the glass with a hand pressed over his face.

“I know what you’re going to say…” he groaned.

“You’re-” Kei began.

“Don’t. I know-”

“-an idiot.”

“ _I knoooww…_ ” Tetsurou whined, wiping the hand down his face and pulling all of his features down with it. He shook his head to wake up a bit, and jumped when he felt something heavy and cold hit him in the chest. He took the bottle of water into his hand and looked up at Kei with wide eyes.

“What… really?” he asked, completely blown away by the gesture. He’d have cried out of joy if all the alcohol from last night hadn’t dried him out completely.

“Just drink it. I’m taking you back to your friends now. Some idiot at the motel wouldn’t let more than two people stay in his room last night, so I let you sleep back there.” Kei explained as he turned around and slipped his keys into the ignition. He was about to turn them before being startled by Tetsurou’s hands on his shoulders.

“Augh, thank you.” he said, gripping at Kei’s shoulders. “You’re secretly really nice aren’t you, Tsukki?”

Kei went completely stiff, hand clenched tight around the keys he held. His shoulders trembled slightly and upon feeling this, Tetsurou took his hands off of the boy. He watched Kei for a moment, carefully eyeing him as he saw his head turn slowly to face him. When Kei finally made eye contact with him, Tetsurou visibly gulped and he knew he had stupidly let something slip that he shouldn’t have. It wasn’t his fault he thought the nickname was endearing, though, he supposed he should have made sure who the voice on the other end had belonged to.

Kei glared daggers in Tetsurou’s direction. Emptiness clouded his eyes atop the rage rumbling in his chest.

“Where did you hear that name?” Kei asked, his voice thin, just on the verge of snapping, merely held together by a spider’s thread.

Tetsurou’s eyes darted back and forth over Kei’s face, panic all over his own.

“I uh… your phone rang and I uh…”

“You answered my phone. And the person on the other end said… Ts-Tsukki.” Kei stated hollowly, never taking his eyes off of Tetsurou even though they continued to widen.

Tetsurou had no idea what this reaction was. Despite the obvious grumpiness Kei had been putting forth, Tetsurou had no idea what was really underneath, and this face the blond wore shot chills down his spine. Tetsurou knew he had definitely struck a nerve, possibly the last one this time and he slowly retreated further into the back seat, trying to get away from whatever wrath was about to explode out of the man before him.

Kei could feel himself tremble, straight from his core at first until it shook out into his fingertips. He made fists with his hands, and opened his mouth with the intention to yell something, but nothing came out. His arms merely dropped, continuing to stare straight into Tetsurou’s eyes. More so through, however, for his vision began to cloud over and the few tears that began to sting his eyes signaled him to wake the fuck up and get a grip.

Kei blinked, lids fluttering the tears away as he shook his head and finally turned away from Tetsurou. The blond caught a glimpse of the man’s expression, a bit scared and confused, but he chose to ignore it and started the car. He wiped the rest of his tears away with his spare hand as he did so and began pulling out of the parking lot. It took Tetsurou a second to realize that the car was moving and he snapped to attention once he did, leaning his upper body back into the front seat.

“W-wait a minute. What the hell was that about?” he asked.

“Don’t worry about it.” Kei answered quickly.

“Don’t give me that, you were practically catatonic.” Tetsurou said, his brows furrowing in concern and the symptoms of his hangover forgotten.

“Big words from the idiot.” Kei muttered, but the insult was weak. Tetsurou watched Kei’s hands grip heavily at the steering wheel and took note of how hard the boy was staring at the road with his jaw clenched tightly.

“Hey, stop the car.” Tetsurou said, a gentleness smoothing out his hoarse voice.

“I’m not-” Kei said shortly, a bit of his breath catching in his throat. Tetsurou felt the car swerve dangerously over the road for a second, and as he witnessed Kei dodge a rare car coming from the opposite direction, he had to insist.

“Kei? You need to stop the car.” he repeated, placing a comforting hand on the blond’s shoulder. Kei flinched again.

“Stop touching me and I will.” he mumbled darkly. Tetsurou removed his hand immediately, and just like that Kei began to pull over as far off the tiny highway as he could.

Tetsurou wanted to ask him about all of this, but Kei was already darting out the door. He took a brisk pace for about a split second before stopping dead in his tracks and deciding the car was a good enough place to lean. Tetsurou watched from the front window as Kei bent himself over while clutching at his knees. He could tell that the blond was having trouble breathing because of the way his shoulders shook sporadically, and  it only took Tetsurou one more moment to realize that Kei was having a panic attack.

Tetsurou took a deep breath to calm himself first. He had dealt with these things before, and he was certain he could help now. He eased himself out of the car and stepped over to Kei at a safe distance. The boy was heaving, and Tetsurou would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t feel a little scared, but it was only a panic attack - Kei could get through this.

“Kei, listen to my voice okay? You just have to calm your breathing.” he said, speaking steadily. He made sure to keep that distance so as not to overwhelm the boy in front of him, but he tried his best to help Kei through it using his voice alone. “Just in and out… one, and two… you can do it. It’s fine.”

Kei had been trying too hard to catch his breath to tell Tetsurou to fuck off when he heard him get out of the car, but the deep tones in the man’s voice were proving to be more effective than he thought it would. As Tetsurou repeated his count, Kei could feel his breathing begin to match the rhythm, and soon he was merely taking deep breaths, far calmer than the aggressive ones from before.

Tetsurou stopped speaking for a moment to let Kei try breathing on his own. He watched to make sure the blond wouldn’t relapse into another panic attack. After a final lull, Kei finally looked up to meet Tetsurou’s concerned gaze. The blond looked pale, and there were a few beads of frightened sweat on his forehead, but all in all, he seemed to be okay.

“How do… you feel?” Tetsurou asked cautiously.

Kei glanced down at the ground while he gathered his thoughts. That had been a pretty bad attack, harsher than even the ones he had on the night he left, but he supposed it was inevitable. He thought he had started to forget, that the pain was beginning to numb, but at the sound of a mere _nickname_ , he relapsed back into the very moment where his world fell apart.

Kei was thankful that he hadn’t been the one to answer that call.

“I’ll… be okay.” he said, looking back up to meet Tetsurou’s gaze again.

Tetsurou hesitated for a moment, but then handed Kei the bottle of water he had been grasping in his hand. The blond weakly took it and twisted the cap open to take a drink.

“You uh… You don’t have to talk about it.” Tetsurou said “I’m just… I’m sorry. That was my fault, I shouldn’t have-” Kei lifted his hand to interrupt him.

“Don’t. It’s my fault that I can’t get over this.” Kei confessed weakly. He sighed. Kei supposed there was no sense in hiding it anymore. It didn’t matter what Tetsurou knew, the guy was basically a stranger he was about to drop off and never see again, anyway.

“That guy on the phone… was that-”

“My ex.” Kei finished, a wry smile twisting his face for a second. “Now you know why I’m out here.” he added, shoving the bottle of water against Tetsurou’s chest, using the force to propel himself away and take the few steps he needed to the car door. He opened it and flung himself inside, landing heavily in the seat. Tetsurou stood outside, rather stunned for a second before getting into the car himself, in the passenger’s seat this time.

Kei was fiddling with his seatbelt when he said “That’s also why I didn’t appreciate you crawling into my window to straddle me last night”. He glanced up to see Tetsurou’s reaction to that one, only to be met by a very wide-eyed stare.

“I… I what?” Tetsurou asked, voice rough and dry. Kei’s face morphed into an ugly grimace.

“You’re kidding me. You don’t remember that?”

Tetsurou blinked once before groaning and quickly hiding his face in his hands.

“Fuck, I was so _druuunnk_.” he groaned.

“No lie there.” Kei agreed, starting the car again and getting back on the road. He was surprised over how much better he was feeling, though he wondered briefly how long that was going to last. He had to admit, Tetsurou’s little crisis was bringing him a spec of joy as well. He heard Tetsurou sigh heavily.

“I’m sorry, Kei. Honestly, if I had known anything I wouldn’t have tried to… or flirted or- God, and you even let me make fun of that lube for an entire day? Jesus… I’m an asshole.” Tetsurou said, sounding a bit ashamed of himself.

Kei glanced over for a second, and it was definitely enough to see how bad Tetsurou felt.

“Stop worrying about it, idiot.” Kei said, flatly. “You were…” Kei tried to stop himself before he finished that one, but it ended up slipping out anyway. “...trying to be nice for the most part.” he finished, cringing at himself in his mind.

“I knew something was wrong, I just… Shit, I should have just asked.”

“I wouldn’t have told you.” Kei said over the whirr of the tires against bumpy pavement. “But you just witnessed me fucking lose it, so it’s not really worth hiding anymore. As you can see, my dignity has all but left me. I just… I’m just tired, okay?” he rambled, irritated for a bit but huffing out his last words in a sigh.

Tetsurou merely listened, happy to be, in fact. He was pleased that he was finally getting to know a bit more about this guy’s mysterious un-fun reason for being out on the road, though the actual reason didn’t leave Tetsurou feeling very happy.

“Hey, did you sleep last night?” he couldn’t help but ask.

“Nope.” Kei replied bluntly.

“You sure you don’t want to-”

“I’ll sleep when you’re gone.”

“You know, somehow I don’t believe that.”

“That doesn’t really matter now, does it.” Kei stated, matter-of-factly.

Tetsurou opened his mouth to protest but they had arrived back at the motel all too soon. Keiji and Bokuto were sitting on a rickety bench outside of the building, and Kei pulled straight up next to them, rolling down his window as he did so.

“How did it go last night?” Kei asked Keiji.

“Oh fine.” Keiji replied through a sigh. Bokuto was leaning sloppily on his shoulder and Keiji shrugged for him to move. “This one threw up like five times, but besides that…”

“Hope you left some spew stains behind for that asshole.” Kei said. Keiji smirked, a darkness lingering behind his eyes. Kei couldn’t help but feel a slight chill.

“We should go.” was all that Keiji said as he snapped out of his evil expression. A harsh yell in the distance was most definitely their cue to leave. Kei gestured for Keiji to hop inside with Bokuto and with that the blond nailed his gas pedal and squealed his tires back on the road.

“And when did you two become such good pals?” Tetsurou couldn’t help but ask.

“We bonded over mutual aggravation.” Keiji said. Tetsurou took note of how Kei nodded in agreement. He would have been offended if the playful sarcasm didn't suit the blond so much. Tetsurou couldn't help but smile a bit.

“How’s the owl?” Tetsurou asked, craning his neck around the seat to watch Bokuto shift back and forth, guided through the force of the car’s movement.

“He’s uh… Recovering.” Keiji said.

“Kuroo, no more. Don’t make me… stand… again…” Bokuto muttered.

“There’s extra water back there if you need it.” Kei pointed out. Keiji looked next to him at the plastic bag filled with bottles. “Oh, and make sure he doesn’t throw up back there.”

“Don’t worry. Look, Koutarou, water.” Keiji said gently, opening a bottle and handing it to the man who was clearly still a little drunk. Bokuto eyed the bottle with his eyes glazed over until he finally realized that Keiji was basically handing him the gift of life.

“WATER!” he cried, face ever so joyful as he took it eagerly and began chugging the whole thing.

“Ah! No, don’t drink so much at once!” Keiji scolded, trying to wrestle the water away from Bokuto, but the man kept pushing Keiji’s hands away. Tetsurou had been watching the scene, but decided to just leave them to it.

“Where are we going, anyway?” he finally asked Kei.

“Hm? I’m taking you all back to the cabin so you can find a ride home from there.”

“Right.” Tetsurou said, looking out the window for a moment before turning back. “Hey, where are you going after this?”

“Me? Nowhere. You already know why I’m out here.”

“To escape… I get it, but… by yourself?”

Kei peeled his gaze from the road for a second to give Tetsurou a curious glance, raising an eyebrow and everything.

“Yes…” he said suspiciously before looking back out at the road. Keiji and Bokuto were still wrestling in the back seat somewhat, though nobody in the front seat seemed fazed by this.

“But what if… what if that happens to you again. The panic thing.”

“I’ve been out here for a week now, that wasn’t the first one.” _Though it was the worst one…_

“And what if he calls again?” Tetsurou asked, immediately wanting to take it back when he noticed Kei’s fingers twitch on the wheel.

“I’m… I’m just gonna shut off my phone again.”

“Right…”

It was a quick drive to the cabin, and in the early morning sun, it almost seemed peaceful to look at. Though the few drunk frat boys sprawled out on the front grass didn’t exactly help with the quaint mood.

“Alright, kids. Last stop.” Kei deadpanned.

“Thank you so much for everything, Kei.” Keiji said. Kei waved a hand to disregard the thanks. Bokuto, who was now hydrated and ready to take on the day, leaned himself into the front seat.

“Yeah, thank you! I know we didn’t exactly get a chance to talk yesterday, but I appreciate you looking out for a bunch of folks you barely know.”

“Whatever, doesn’t matter.” Kei said through a sigh. Bokuto smiled and Kei felt a forceful friendly pat on his shoulder. They got out of the car.

Kei was honestly about to take off before he noticed that Tetsurou hadn’t gotten out yet.

“Excuse you?” Kei accused.

“I don’t feel like leaving yet.” Tetsurou said, folding his arms behind his head and relaxing back in the passenger’s seat.

“What?” Kei asked through disbelief. His eye even twitched.

“You heard me. I wanna hang out.”

“What the-... but you said you only came out here for a party.”

“One of the reasons.” Tetsurou said, his mischievous grin gracing his face once more as he looked in Kei’s direction again. He was startled slightly by a rapping at the window.

“Hey, Kuroo!” said Bokuto from outside. Tetsurou lowered the glass. “You coming?” he asked with a large grin.

“Actually, Kei here has invited me to come along on his road trip!” he exclaimed.

“What-!”

“Oh! That’s so cool! Keiji and I have to get back for work…” Bokuto said, pouting as he slouched against the car. “Well, it was great seeing you again, man!” Bokuto added, perking right up as he reached inside to ruffle Tetsurou’s hair. The man took the noogie with a grin on his face.

“You too! We should hang out again next time you guys are in town.”

“Oh, is that where you two are headed?”

Kei felt completely left out of these decisions and this conversation.

“I think so!” Tetsurou responded brightly.

“Awesome! Well, tell Kenma I said hi, alright?”

_Kenma...?_

“Ah… yeah! No problem!” Tetsurou responded once again, though Kei could have sworn that he heard a hitch of hesitation in the man’s voice. It was enough to distract him long enough to realize that he had been left alone with Tetsurou once again, however.

“You’re not coming with me.” Kei said decisively.

“Really? You mean you won’t give me a ride to NYC?” Tetsurou asked, trying to lay the charm on thick despite his haggard appearance.

“Why the hell would I want to go all the way out there?”

“I don’t _know_.” Tetsurou sighed, shrugging his arms. “To have a goal, to distract you, to do fucking _anything_ else than what you’ve been doing this whole week?”

Kei was confused about Tetsurou’s strange concern over him and he squinted his eyes, while trying to figure it out. With his mind stumped on that, Kei suddenly found himself considering Tetsurou’s words. He didn’t have a goal. He didn’t _need_ a goal, he just wanted to drive…

Wordlessly, Kei started the car.

“Is that a yes?” Tetsurou asked, his grin wide.

“That’s a shut up.” Kei corrected, and with that he turned his music all the way up. A few guys in the distance looked up from the lawn at the sound and Tetsurou winced since he was in the thick of it. However, as Kei pulled back out onto the dirt road, he couldn’t help the grin on his face.

Kei glanced over for a second, and he had to wonder just what that stupid grin was supposed to be for. He chose to ignore it, thinking more about how relieved he felt to have somebody in the car. He couldn’t brush it off anymore, the fact that he really was losing it to the loneliness of the open road. The way he could feel his shoulders relax was enough of an indicator that he needed somebody, though he wasn’t about to admit that out loud. If Tetsurou really wanted to put up with his foul mood then who was he to stop him? The guy clearly had nowhere to be…

Though, Kei had to wonder just why that was…

If anything, his own curiosity was enough to make him not kick Tetsurou out right away...

 

_~_

_My hazard lights were on_   
_Couldn't cut through the storm_   
_And you were right there waiting_   
_For my cover to fall, I didn't see you at all_

_~_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics in this chapter were from "Didn't See You Coming" by Fefe Dobson, just like the first chapter~
> 
> So, we got the ball rolling a bit this time, hey? :) Hope you guys liked this one and as always, please let me know what you think! :D
> 
> You can also find me on tumblr [HERE](http://sheenaxzelos.tumblr.com/) !! Stop by and say hi~


	4. Do You Have the Time, to Listen to Me Whine?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Okay, you know enough about me already, alright? What’s your deal? I’ll accept that we both did some nice things for each other but you’re going above and beyond now and that’s just pissing me off because it doesn’t make sense,” Kei blurted. Tetsurou simply shrugged.
> 
> “I’m always this kind,” he said. Kei picked up a pine cone and chucked it at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, I'm back with another chapter! Also, as you guys can see, I've planned out the rest of the fic which means this story should be about 12 chapters by the time I'm done, give or take. It's nice to have a goal and I hope you guys are strapped in for the ride! :D
> 
> No Fefe Dobson song this time, because you guys will see very soon~ Enjoy the chapter!

Kei wondered if he had made the wrong choice about ten minutes on the highway. Even though his loud music was covering up most of the sound next to him, he still saw Tetsurou dig relentlessly in his bag at the corner of his eye and it was just an aggravating sight. It probably only annoyed him so much because he wasn’t used to it, but either way…

He reached for the volume button to turn it down. That got Tetsurou’s attention.

“Hmm, that’s not like you. What did I do?” Tetsurou asked, more amused than anything. Kei rolled his eyes, but kept his vision on the road right after that.

“I was just wondering if you had some kind of bottomless pit in your bag. What the hell are you looking for?”

Tetsurou hummed playfully before getting back to his search.

“Well,” he began, “I usually keep a certain something with me when I hit the road just in case, and I was thinking we could use it.”

“You’re being vague. I don’t like it.”

“Don’t worry, Kei. You’ll actually like this,” he said, eyes lighting up once his hand finally struck gold, or rather, a jewel case.

Tetsurou pulled the CD out of his bag and held it up for Kei to take a glance at. “Well, whaddya say? Wanna rock out?” he asked with a huge grin on his face.

Kei glanced over with a scowl for a second before having to do a double take. He lifted a confused brow at Tetsurou.

“You carry Greenday’s ‘Dookie’ around with you?” he asked, his voice even cracking a bit he was so baffled. Tetsurou snorted and Kei sighed once he realized what he had said. “Don’t tell me you keep it with you _just_ so you can make that joke,” he deadpanned. Tetsurou cracked up.

“Ha ha! Well, it definitely doesn’t hurt!” he exclaimed, snickering for a moment longer before finally calming himself down. “Okay, okay, but seriously though. This album is a classic, and I think it’ll help you lighten up. It’s way more upbeat than… whatever it is you’ve been blasting this whole time.”

“It’s just an old Korn CD,” Kei said, taking a second to make a sour face at his radio. “Honestly I don’t really like them all that much, but it was in the car when I left and it’s loud so…” he trailed off. Kei had been so preoccupied with everything else that he actually hadn’t noticed what he’d been blasting the whole time. He’d have felt embarrassed had he not been driving on a practically abandoned highway.

“So, that means I can put on Greenday!” Tetsurou said brightly.

Kei opened his mouth to say something, but he couldn’t deny that listening to Greenday was _just_ a level above listening to Korn for the fiftieth time. He wasn’t all too familiar with the album in question that Tetsurou had, but Kei remembered that his brother had been a pretty huge fan when they were growing up.

Kei grunted. Tetsurou raised a brow but then beamed once he realized that had been Kei’s version of a yes.

“Woo hoo!” Tetsurou hooted and promptly ejected the offending Korn disc in favour of his favourite. He proceeded to raise the volume as well and the drum roll burst into a blast of pop-punk. “ _I DECLARE, I DON’T CARE NO MORE! I’M BURNIN’ UP AND OUT AND GROWING BORED-...”_ Tetsurou sang along loudly and with reckless abandon. It startled Kei so much that he took his eyes off the road for several seconds to gawk at him. Tetsurou locked eyes with him and wore the most charming of smiles as he sang.

“ _MY HAIR IS SHAGGING IN MY EYE-_ ” he continued to belt with all his heart, pointing to his own shaggy hair as he sang. The gesture caught Kei completely off guard and as Tetsurou used his smooth gesture to transition into a full body groove, the blond couldn’t stop the bit of laughter that rumbled in his gut and spilled from his lips. Tetsurou noticed this from the corner of his eye and just continued to rock out for the rest of the song.

Kei honestly couldn’t look at him, he was being too ridiculous and either due to sleep deprivation or newfound insanity, Kei couldn’t stop from laughing behind his hand as he steered the car with the other. Tetsurou belted out the last bit of chorus before pressing pause because he honestly couldn’t keep singing when Kei was actually laughing.

“Are you laughing, man?” Tetsurou asked.

“Fuckin’... no…” Kei muttered as he tried his best to collect himself before finally putting his hand back on the wheel. He had no idea just how red in the face he was from stifling his laughter, but Tetsurou could see it and it merely broadened his grin.

“I think you were,” Tetsurou decided “Was it my sexy dance moves that made you laugh?” he asked, theatrically running his hands over his chest to make a point.

“If they were sexy I wouldn’t have laughed at you,” Kei pointed out with a smug smile.

“Aha!” Tetsurou exclaimed, pointing a finger at Kei, “So you were laughing, then! I have you all figured out, Kei.”

Kei scoffed, though his lips were still slightly upturned. “Fuck off,” he said. Tetsurou raised his hands to surrender.

“Alright, alright,” Tetsurou said, “Anyway, that one’s actually my favourite on the album. Do _you_ have one?”

Kei thought about it for a second, completely ignorant of the fact that this discussion about music was totally letting him be normal for what was the first time in months. All of his panic attacks and stress seemed far away with the aid of this distraction...

“Uh… I remember track two being alright, I guess…”

“You guess? Come on, I bet you know all the words,” Tetsurou teased.

Kei felt his cheeks heat up because he was honestly trying to hold back how much he liked track two. It was one of the only songs he remembered from the album, probably because his brother played it all the time. Kei softly sighed, feeling a pang of guilt over having not called home in a week. He’d do it eventually…

“Maybe I do,” Kei muttered, “but it’s not like I’m gonna put on a show like you, loser.” he finished with a touch of snark.

Tetsurou put his hand up to his heart. “My show was great, thank you very much. You’re probably just too shy to sing.”

“And what if I am? Isn’t that shit endearing to people like you?”

“Kei, you are killing me over here,” Tetsurou deadpanned and Kei stifled a snort in his throat.

“Just play the damn CD,” Kei said, though it was less annoyed and more amused, and upon hearing his own tone, Kei wondered if he was actually starting to lighten up. Well, he couldn’t lie to himself, he knew it was just another temporary fix, but he _did_ know things felt a little more solid, a bit more concrete. Tetsurou was actually helping a lot. Once the guy stopped trying to get a rise out of Kei and toned down the flirting, Kei had to admit he was kind of cool…

_Kind of._

Tetsurou merely smiled and pressed the play button once again. He didn’t start singing. He merely sat back and closed his eyes, in what Kei could only assume was an attempt to enjoy the song. Fair enough, he thought.

 

_I'm taking,_   
_all you down with me_   
_Explosives duct taped to my spine, Nothing's gonna change my mind_   
_I won't listen…_

 

Well, _that_ brought back memories. Kei nearly closed his eyes at the rush of memories that filled his mind. Barbeques on summer days, his brother Akiteru trying desperately to get Kei to get into family photos and blasting this album on repeat while his brother tried to get Kei not to obliviously repeat any curse words. He felt the rhythm of the chorus beat through his heart, and he found himself humming the melody without thinking as the vocals continued.

 

_Well no one here is getting out alive_   
_This time I've really lost my mind and I don't care…_

 

The song took him back to when times were simple, back when all Kei had to worry about was his brother ruffling his hair too hard or his mother scolding him for not picking up his dino action figures. Back when freckled cheeks puffed up with a friendly smile and not one of sympathy…

Kei’s heart ached to go back to those times…

The volume of Kei’s humming began to rise as his lips began moving around the words. Tetsurou opened his eyes at the unfamiliar sound and looked over at Kei, who was actually softly singing to himself.

“ _I'm losing, all my happiness. The happiness you pinned on me, loneliness still comforts me…_ ”

Kei wasn’t too aware of how loud he was singing, but Tetsurou was and he was completely captured by the sound. He stared at Kei for a moment, watching as he sang softly and kept his eyes on the road. He opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it around the thought. Tetsurou simply smiled and sat back in his seat to relax again. Just the fact that Kei was actually doing something that wasn’t brooding was enough to keep him satisfied. He didn’t have to comment on it.

However, the song was about to hit that amazing part after the second chorus and as much as Tetsurou wanted to leave Kei to his own devices, he just couldn’t help but join in.

He pointed at Kei as he sang loudly, “ _Do you ever think back-_ ”

“ _To another time…?_ ” Kei muttered back in time, taken aback at his sudden duet partner.

“ _Does it bring you so down that you thought you lost your mind?_ ” Tetsurou sang back effortlessly while drumming the following beat against the dashboard. He kept singing, “ _Do you ever want to lead a long trail of destruction, and mow down any bullshit that confronts you?_ ”, he pointed at Kei, giving him his cue.

Kei was still a bit confused but the lyrics spilled out of his lips effortlessly as he shyly sang back to a beaming Tetsurou.

“ _Do you ever build up all the small things in your head? To make one problem that adds up to nothing…_ ”

“ _To me it’s nothing, to me it’s nothing…_ ” and Tetsurou sang them off until the song was over. He pressed pause again because he was simply too stoked over what had just happened. “I KNEW THAT YOU KNEW ALL THE WORDS!” he yelled excitedly.

“Tch. You’re too loud,” Kei said with a sour face. Tetsurou could only laugh, a hearty, booming sound that made a strange feeling flutter through Kei’s stomach. Tetsurou’s laugh was just as loud as anything else that came out of his mouth, but for some reason Kei didn’t mind that particular sound. He didn’t want to admit it, but the feeling it gave off was rather infectious and it relaxed him. That sound _too_ , brought him back to a simpler time…

“Hm, well,” Tetsurou finally managed to speak, “Don’t be shy Kei. You should sing if you know the words. That was fun, yeah?”

Kei didn’t say anything, only shrugged. Mostly he didn’t want to sound stupid by saying whatever gibberish his mind was concocting in that moment, because _yes_ , it actually was fun, but Tetsurou didn’t need to know that.

“I’ll take your shrug for it,” Tetsurou said before releasing Kei from any conversation obligations by hitting play. From there, Tetsurou didn’t say another word, well, except for softly singing along with the music. Kei was suddenly too self conscious to pick up on singing himself, but he _did_ enjoy Tetsurou’s smooth voice. He figured it was a subtle enough action to get caught up in the sound and allow it to comfort him. Tetsurou didn’t need to know about _that_ either…

It was around the time that the album began strumming into its hidden track that Tetsurou hit stop. Kei glanced over.

“Okay, I don’t really like that one. Too stupid for me, ha ha,” Tetsurou explained. Kei smirked, forever keeping the wheel steady in his hand.

“Really? Aren’t masturbation jokes your bread and butter?”

“Oh, very funny,” Tetsurou deadpanned, but he was still smiling nonetheless.

Overall, Kei felt fairly pleased after listening to the album, and at the very least it made him feel better than listening to some guy screaming for hours. Perhaps it _was_ time to start moving on…

Kei blinked, eyes still on the road, but with each flicker of his lids he could feel his eyes getting heavier and closing for longer. He looked at the clock and realized that it was noon and that he had been awake for far too long. The bits of laughter and upbeat music really brought out a sense of relaxation he hadn’t felt in forever, and for the first time that week he had started to actually feel tired.

“Hey, you alright?” he heard Tetsurou asked. Kei shook his head to snap himself awake.

“Hm? Yeah, I’m fine,” he said weakly, “just kind of tired I guess.”

“Kind of?” Tetsurou asked, incredulous “Dude, I have no idea how you’re even still driving straight to be honest. Do you need to take a nap? We can stop for a while…”

“No I’m-” Kei started, but sleep began to claim him once again and his hand slid off the wheel. Tetsurou’s grip on his wrist was what snapped him awake.

“Whoa there, champ!” he exclaimed. He placed Kei’s hand back on the wheel with a comforting pat before pulling away. “Can you honestly say you don’t want to sleep for a few hours?”

Kei sighed. “Guess not…” he muttered. His stubbornness made him not want to listen to Tetsurou, but the buffoon was right. He was officially exhausted.

Driving a little ways further, Tetsurou spotted a small road they could pull into for cover in the woods and Kei gave in. He supposed he _didn’t_ want to crash his car anymore. That was an improvement…

Kei parked his car, nestled into a nice spot in the woods and he sleepily gazed at Tetsurou.

“What?” the bed-headed man asked.

“I usually sleep there…” Kei mumbled, squinting his eyes and looking rather confused. Tetsurou could only assume it was because the blond was so sleepy, and had Kei been able to read his thoughts, he would have said he was correct. Kei admittedly always got a bit stupid when he was exhausted, it was one step past being irritated and only one step before…

_...Being absolutely adorable_ , Tetsurou thought.

Kei wasn’t aware of his last stage of sleepiness, but he rubbed at his eyes and that made his glasses go askew, his hair was sticking up in all sorts of silly ways and he was one movement away from curling up into a ball in the driver’s seat. Luckily, Tetsurou read the signs and smiled warmly at the tired blond.

“Well, do you want me to get into the back seat or maybe you’d be more comfortable back there yourself?” he asked. Kei shook his head. Tetsurou wasn’t sure what that answer was supposed to mean, but it seemed as though that was the only one Kei could give to him. That was fine. “Alright then,” Tetsurou added, and reclined the passenger seat before crawling to the back to get out of the way.

He watched as Kei heavily shifted himself into the seat and let his head plop down against it. It was only mere moments before Tetsurou could see the steady breaths that indicated that the blond had been lead into la la land.

“Sleep well, Kei.” Tetsurou whispered before he too laid back to relax. He had been trying to ignore it, but that hangover was _still_ eating at him…

 

+++

 

For the longest time, Kei’s dreams had been filled with uncertainty and shifting lands. He never felt steady on his feet in his dreams, nor did he feel safe. It was like at any moment the ground would be about to swallow him up or perhaps even a hellish monster would rise up from the sands to claim him. It didn’t matter what it was, for all it did was cause Kei to have the most uneasy of sleeps, every single night. It’s what caused him to just skip sleep most nights because what was the point?

The nap he had that afternoon, however, was probably the most relaxed he had been in ages. His sleep was dreamless and as Kei rose from his pool of comfort, he awoke to a serene sunset pouring in through a break in the trees and beaming a patch of warmth in through the window.

Where was he even? Was this real life?

Kei stretched out all his limbs at once and groaned, satisfied as he did so.

“Good snooze?” a voice asked behind him, calm and warm. The tone was almost familiar if the timbre hadn’t been so different. Kei lazily turned to his side to see Tetsurou stretched out in his back seat, wearing some form of reading glasses and holding a book.

“Y-yeah…” Kei said, squinting. He realized that his own glasses were missing.

“I popped your glasses in the glove compartment for ya,” Tetsurou explained, pointing to the hatch. Kei squinted for a moment longer, as if waiting for the punchline, but Tetsurou only blinked brightly at him as he took off his reading glasses. Kei turned and opened the glove box, and sure enough his spectacles were safely stored inside. He grabbed them and placed them on his face.

“Ugh, what time is it?” Kei asked, slumping back in the reclined seat again.

“Hm? Does it really matter?” Tetsurou asked. “It’s not as if we have anywhere to be.”

“Guess not…” Kei said absently. He supposed he was the one who had said that in the first place.

“Hungry? I noticed these sandwiches on the floor back here.”

Kei turned to look at Tetsurou again for a second, that classic sour expression spread across his face once more.

“I hate those things…” he said. Tetsurou chuckled lightly.

“You bought ‘em,” he pointed out.

“Yeah, well in case you haven’t noticed, I haven’t exactly been in the best state of mind lately,” Kei grumbled, though it lacked a certain anger that would have made Tetsurou worried or anxious had it been there. Honestly, Kei seemed a lot calmer now and as Tetsurou let his gaze slide across the blond’s profile, he felt like he could appreciate just how relaxed his features looked in comparison to when they first met.

“We still need to eat _something_ ,” Tetsurou pointed out, a small smile on his lips. Kei glanced over from the corner of his eye. He paused for a moment before holding out his hand. Tetsurou happily placed the wrapped sandwich in his palm.

“We’ll find something better tomorrow…” Kei mumbled as he split the sandwich in two, handing Tetsurou a piece. The man gladly took it and promptly chomped down.

“Oh yeah? You mean, you’re not kicking me out?” Tetsurou teased as he chewed. Kei took a smile bite, lazily chewing before answering that stupid question.

“You’re… you’re not bad to have around…”

“Why, Kei… I’m touched!” Tetsurou said, mock affection in his voice as he wiped away an invisible tear.

“Idiot, you know what I mean…”

Tetsurou relaxed back in his seat as he indulged in more of the sandwich. Yeah, he knew. He also knew that Kei wasn’t the type to admit that kind of stuff out loud, whether he was grouchy or not. He was just a private guy.

For a short while there was only the sound of chewing and the rustling of wrappers as they finished their food. Tetsurou looked around for any spare water and luckily the stuff that Kei had bought that morning was still around. He picked one up and passed it to the blond.

“Do you…” Tetsurou started, his voice gentle as he captured Kei’s attention, “...Do you want to talk about it?”

“What, my breakup? Not really…”

“At least you’re acknowledging it. That’s a start.”

“It’s not as if I’ve been ignoring it. I’m aware of what’s real and what’s not.”

“Then is that why you’re running away from it?”

Kei shot Tetsurou a glare at the question and the man flinched. Perhaps that had been too much…

...Kei’s expression softened before looking away out the window at the ever dimming light.

“It’s just complicated, okay? It was a lot all at once and I needed to clear my head. That’s all.”

Tetsurou hummed, not too convinced but not willing to press the issue any further either.

“Well, if you ever want to talk about it, I’m here for you. It’ll probably help get you out of your head at least. That’s not doing you any good.”

“Mm…” was Kei’s answer as he continued to look out the window. “Why do you care so much anyway? About helping me, I mean. It’s not like I’ve done anything for you…”

“What? You gave me a ride to a party where I could see my friends, then you carried me all over the place after I blacked out and then let me sleep in your car. And, as far as I can tell you’re giving me a ride to NYC. You didn’t have to do any of that, but you did.”

“Your friend fixed my speakers and I wanted to repay him… That’s pretty much it.”

Tetsurou chuckled at that.

“Sure, tell yourself that. You’re kinder than you think you are, you know.”

“Mmhm…” Kei hummed dismissively. Tetsurou smiled though. This had been the most he had gotten Kei to say without pissing him off, so he was pleased regardless of how ignorant Kei wanted to be. Tetsurou was good at reading people, he knew better.

“Wanna go for a walk?” Tetsurou asked.

“Not really…” Kei quickly responded.

“We should get some fresh air though. We’ve been in this car all day…”

Tetsurou waited for a response but all he got was the sight of Kei’s window rolling down a smidge. Tetsurou snorted.

“You’re an asshole…”

A small snicker got lodged in Kei’s throat.

“I am.”

Tetsurou grinned as he slid to over to the door, lightly tapping Kei’s shoulder as he opened it.

“Come on, don’t forget your keys,” he said. Kei eyed him as Tetsurou stepped outside and he rolled his eyes because he couldn’t believe he was going along with that guy’s random ideas. Then again, Kei’s legs were killing him so what else was he going to do?

Kei grabbed his keys and stepped out of the car, his legs a bit unsteady on the soft ground, but he managed. Tetsurou had stepped near the thick trees a bit and was stretching. It wasn’t long before the man also pressed his back against a tree and started scratching himself against it.

“What are you, a bear?” Kei asked. Tetsurou simply continued.

“Hey man, bears know what’s good,” he replied. “We’re gonna need to stop somewhere for showers soon, I’m gross.”

“Yeah, though it’s not because you haven’t taken a shower,” Kei said as he began aimlessly wandering around the clearing.

“Whoa! Why so salty?”

Kei flashed him a smirk before continuing to focus on his wandering.

“Oh, I get it,” Tetsurou continued, a wide grin on his face. “You’re always like this and you’re just fucking with me.”

Kei turned and tipped an invisible hat in Tetsurou’s direction.

“My goodness, you’ve figured it out,” he said. That made Tetsurou laugh. “We’ll find somewhere tomorrow after we get food…” Kei went on to mumble while kicking at a small bush.

“That sounds fine with me,” Tetsurou said, now leaning against the tree. He watched Kei lazily step about. “Hey, you’re not cold or anything are you?”

“Does it look like I am? It’s spring, I’m fine.”

“I was just wondering. It didn’t seem like you packed many warm things.”

Kei stopped in his tracks and shot a squinty glare in Tetsurou’s direction. “Were you going through my stuff again?” he accused. Tetsurou raised his hands in defense, that Cheshire grin spread wide.

“No, no! I swear I wasn’t this time! But your bag was dumped all over the back seat so I folded some clothes for you,” Tetsurou explained.

“Oh,” Kei said flatly. He turned away from Tetsurou again and after a significant stretch of silence he said “...thanks.”

“Someone’s gotta take care of you!” Tetsurou exclaimed, smiling at Kei’s back. The blond in question turned around with a quizzical look on his face.

“Okay, you know enough about me already, alright? What’s your deal? I’ll accept that we both did some nice things for each other but you’re going above and beyond now and that’s just pissing me off because it doesn’t make sense,” Kei blurted. Tetsurou simply shrugged.

“I’m always this kind,” he said. Kei picked up a pine cone and chucked it at him. Tetsurou swerved and dodged as he started laughing. “I’m serious!” he exclaimed through his giggles. Kei took a few steps over to where he now stood.

“Alright. I’ll suspend my disbelief and believe that too, but that still doesn’t explain why you’re out here with seemingly less place to be than I am,” Kei said, sticking his hands in his jeans pockets.

Tetsurou gazed upon him thoughtfully and Kei challenged him with the arch of his brow. Tetsurou only shook his head in defeat.

“People like me have their secrets too, Kei,” he said distantly as he sat down on the hood of the car. He tilted his head to the side as he looked up at the blond through his scruffy bangs.

“Yeah? You’re just gonna leave it at that?”

“Mmm…” Tetsurou hummed as he thought about it and then he pulled out his phone. It was miraculously still charged but dangerously on its last legs. He beckoned Kei over with the flick of his index finger and Kei stepped over, curious as to what the man had to show him.

Kei looked down at the screen as Tetsurou began scrolling through his photos. Some were of monuments and parks, some were selfies with random people, young and old.

“What are these?” Kei asked.

“A document of my travels,” Tetsurou explained simply.

“Okay…?” Kei said, still confused as to what it all meant.

“Let’s just say I’m out here for a friend, and that friend likes it when I help people out. Well, I mean, I love helping people too, but it used to be our thing,” Tetsurou said, his voice warm and close.

Kei looked at Tetsurou to gauge the expression of one who spoke so fondly, and he came to find that the tone of Tetsurou’s voice was mirrored in his face. Pure fondness, nothing more, nothing less…

Kei kind of wanted to ask about the person that Bokuto had mentioned before, that _Kenma_ person. However, upon remembering that small hesitation in Tetsurou’s voice when he was mentioned, Kei stopped himself. The blond knew how much he didn’t want to talk about a certain someone, so he didn’t want to stir up any feelings that honestly seemed just below the surface of Tetsurou’s expression. Instead, Kei went with what he knew best…

“So, I’m just a project then. You're gonna take a selfie with me once you’ve solved all my problems?” he jabbed. Tetsurou didn’t miss a beat and pulled the blonde in close for the quickest photo Kei ever had taken of him.

“Nope!” Tetsurou said. “Just gonna take as many dumb pictures of you as I can until you cheer up,” he finished, his smile as bright as ever as he held up the selfie for Kei to see.

Kei looked ridiculous in the photo, mouth hung open, wide eyes and crooked glasses, not to mention the bags under his eyes and dirty hair on top of that, but he honestly wasn’t concerned about that. No, all he could see was how dazzling Tetsurou looked in the photo with him, happy and full of life despite the gross muscle shirt that clung to his body and his clearly greasy hair. They were both kind of a mess, but for some reason, it felt alright to be.

As the stars began to fade into the sky with a faint glimmer, Kei felt like he was being protected in the moment there with Tetsurou and since it was only the two of them, he felt like he had all the time in the world to just soak it up.

Kei would never dare admit to the grinning man that his help was working though, no way. He'd simply hold onto his sanity for as long as he could before his mind kicked him off a cliff again. Though, as Tetsurou began spouting off a tale of travels past, Kei felt like he was at a safe distance from the drop...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's all for now! If you haven't before, definitely give Greenday's "Dookie" album a listen. It is very good :D. Also, I meant no offense to any Korn fans out there~ Kei just doesn't seem like the type who would fancy them =w=
> 
> As always, you can come find me on tumblr [HERE](http://sheenaxzelos.tumblr.com/) ! And please let me know what you think! I always love to hear feedback :D ~


	5. Set Me Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I was looking at your hair…” he said sincerely.
> 
> “My hair?” Tetsurou asked, honestly sounding a little surprised, maybe even a little anxious.
> 
> “Yeah, how on earth does it stand up like that even when it’s wet? I thought you’ve been using product this whole time,” Kei explained, pointing and everything.
> 
> Tetsurou put on a grumpy face as he brought the towel up over his head to hide his shame.
> 
> “It’s my natural hair. You don’t have to point it out,” he said...

_~_

_Set me free_  
Let me live again  
You made the cage  
_You got the key_  
_Set me free_

_~_

 

The rest of the night just seemed to ease into a peaceful quiet between Kei and Tetsurou, one that Tetsurou seemed to willingly give when it looked as though Kei wasn’t in the mood for chatting anymore, which was definitely true. It wasn’t as if Kei felt their conversation to be unpleasant, in fact, it was quite the opposite. The way it happened so naturally once he allowed it, and the way Tetsurou’s personality simply made his anxieties melt away were all good things in Kei’s opinion, things that he didn’t even _know_ he was ready for until Tetsurou coaxed it out of him. He was, however, still tired, and the overwhelming wave of fondness he felt as Tetsurou had finished happily recounting one of his little road adventures about finding a lost cat and returning it to its owner, was a bit too much for him at that point.

Since hearing about Kei’s deal though, Tetsurou had been really quick to know when to push and when to back off, so when Kei told him he’d had enough and wanted to go back to sleep, Tetsurou simply hopped off the hood of the car and opened the passenger door for him.

“I hear that,” he agreed, “I’m gonna pass out as soon as I hit that back seat, I’m pretty sure, ha ha!”

Kei merely glanced at Tetsurou’s face and then at the opened door. He took a step forward to climb inside the car but hesitated for a moment.

“I have a car charger…” Kei mumbled.

“Hm?” Tetsurou questioned.

“For your phone,” Kei answered, pointing to the device in the man’s hand. “It’s almost dead.”

“Ah! I can charge it in the morning then. Thanks Kei!” Tetsurou happily said.

Kei spared one extra glance up at Tetsurou’s smiling face before finally stepping into the car, feeling the door closing behind him. Kei twisted around in the seat a few times to get comfortable as he listened to Tetsurou climb into the car himself. It took him longer than normal to find that area of comfort he usually found, but Kei figured it was probably just because the seat’s shape was beginning to overstay its welcome. Kei really wanted to sleep in a bed again soon, though he still doubted his strength to try. The last time he did, it didn’t go over very well…

“Ugh, I’m overdue for a snooze in a bed. How about you, Kei?” Tetsurou asked through a yawn from the back seat.

Kei supposed he wasn’t the only one beginning to find the car uncomfortable, and Kei didn’t even _want_ to know what kind of places Tetsurou had been sleeping before he joined him on this stupid adventure.

“...Yeah,” Kei answered hoarsely. He didn’t want to admit to Tetsurou that the last time he tried sleeping in a bed, just laying back against the mattress was enough to trigger a panic attack that shook him to his core…

“Ah, just one more night like this then. I’m sure we’ll find a motel tomorrow. This highway is littered with them...” Tetsurou rambled as his voice faded into another yawn. Kei turned his head to look back at Tetsurou, only to find that the man had sprawled out all over the seat and had even begun snoring. Kei rolled his eyes and shifted back into his now less than comfortable position.

The snoring had been irritating the night before, but there was something calming about it this time and Kei found himself finding peace in the steady low pitched sound. Tetsurou had managed to help Kei ease himself back into several things since they had met, and the blond couldn’t help but carry a small ray of hope that his presence would help him with that bed thing too…

 

+++

 

“I’m not listening to Dookie again…” Kei groaned as he steered the car down the highway. They had only been driving for a few hours and the blond was starting to realize just how short the album was. He was expecting Tetsurou to protest but the man simply ejected the CD as he sluggishly threw his weight over the dashboard.

“I know it’s my favourite but even _I_ can’t handle it anymore. Don’t you have the radio or something?”

“Unless you want to listen to static…” Kei said.

“Why didn’t you tell me your radio was busted? I could have got Keiji to fix that too!”

“Kind of wasn’t on my list of priorities at the time. Besides, it’s the antenna that snapped off. Not sure Keiji would have had one of those lying around.”

Tetsurou sighed and for some reason that amused Kei to the point of smirking.

“Don’t tell me you’re bored,” he said.

“Aren’t _you?_ ” Tetsurou asked.

Kei was a bit taken aback at the question because he was surprised to realize that he honestly wasn’t.

“Uh…” he stupidly let out. Tetsurou latched onto that, the dumb grin stretching over his face once again. Kei hated that grin, it always meant trouble.

“Kei, are you _having fun?_ ” Tetsurou asked, the sarcasm in his over the top bewilderment quite apparent. Kei grunted.

“Shut up,” he said, too busy trying to hold back the blood rushing to his face to come up with a more clever comeback than that. Tetsurou merely snickered at the reaction but didn’t press on. Kei appreciated that.

“Ooh!” Tetsurou exclaimed as he followed a passing sign with what looked like his entire body.

“What?” Kei asked.

“There’s a steak house off the next exit,” he said.

“And? Do you really think I have the money to eat at a place like that?”

Tetsurou looked at Kei with deliberately round eyes. Kei only had to glance over for a second to see that the cat-like man was trying to be a puppy. It didn’t exactly suit him, but Kei _did_ feel his will power giving way regardless.

“Please take me to the steak house, Kei,” he pleaded.

“I’m not going to-”

“I’ll pay for you!”

If it had been a few days ago, Kei would have refused but it seemed as though his grumbling tummy had other ideas. The blond merely turned off at the next exit without another word. Tetsurou could only laugh…

 

+++

 

“So then the guy just comes up to me and goes, ‘Kuroo, I don’t know how you did it, but Keiji agreed to go out with me’,” Tetsurou capped off his story with a grand hand gesture and a mouthful of steak. Kei nearly choked on his gulp of water.

“After everything he screwed up, you actually managed to convince Keiji to go out with him?” Kei couldn’t help but smile in disbelief at Tetsurou’s vibrant tale.

“I know, I know, but Bokuto’s a great guy, no matter _how_ many owls he got flying in Keiji’s dorm room that night. I just had to remind him of that,” Tetsurou explained, finishing off his meal. “It was all really romantic, trust me.”

“I’m so sure,” Kei said, finishing off his own plate as well and leaning back in his chair, belly finally full and soaking up the afternoon atmosphere of the bustling steak house. To think that only a little over a week ago he just wanted to drive in isolation until he passed out somewhere. Kei still wondered if all of his progress would fade away once he was actually alone again, but with how well he was actually getting along with Tetsurou, Kei figured he wouldn’t have to worry about that until they at least hit NYC. Besides, it wasn’t all the distractions’ doing. Kei was fairly sure that his mind was slowly coming to terms with what he left back home and the fact that he was actually having a bit of fun now was only his brain giving him a sign that things would be back to normal for him soon enough. He could move on. He could deal with this.

He had even listened to Tetsurou’s epic tale of being the best matchmaker in the world if he managed to get Bokuto out of dog house like he had been. Or perhaps, owl pen? Owl hut? Where did people keep owls…? Either way, it was a story that had romance in it, and Kei felt that if he could deal with _that_ , he could deal with anything.

One thing he was having a hard time dealing with though, was the smell he was certain they were both wafting across the dinner table at each other…

“Ugh, are you done eating? I’m definitely ready for that shower now,” Kei said, shaking the collar of his sticky shirt. Tetsurou smiled sympathetically behind his napkin.

“Tell me about it. I don’t even know why they let us in here,” he said as he waved down a waiter.

Tetsurou paid for their meal and the two quickly made their way back to the car, their next mission to find a motel clear in their minds. Well, at least in _Kei’s_ mind. Tetsurou clearly just wanted to ride a wave of the past again.

“So,” Tetsurou began as they walked across the parking lot. “Have you now discovered the wonders of Tetsurou Kuroo paying for your stuff?”

Kei gave him an odd, bewildered look for a second before scoffing. Of course he’d bring that up again.

“Why would I have let somebody so irritating pay for my gas?” Kei said. It was Tetsurou’s turn to scoff. He playfully jabbed Kei in the ribs with his fingers.

“Now, now! I just bought you steak!” Tetsurou exclaimed as he began twisting those fingers and tickling the blond.

“F-fuck!” Kei stammered at the sudden sensation. He didn’t like to admit it, but he was actually very ticklish. He silently blamed Akiteru for making him realize _that_ at an early age, and he knew he’d lose all composure if Tetsurou went on any longer. Unfortunately for Kei, Tetsurou seemed rather fond of his reaction to the jab and only flicked and pushed his fingers around even more, even going so far as to start tickling his other side as well.

“Kei? Kei, are you _ticklish?_ ” Tetsurou teased, raising his voice over Kei’s incessant laughter over being tickled.

“You b-bastard-!” Kei managed to call out between his giggles, twisting and flailing as he tried to get away from the onslaught of Tetsurou’s tickling. It was difficult to even take a step over how weak it made him, though. Tetsurou could only laugh along with Kei after a certain point. He began stepping forward and Kei had no other choice but to be led across the parking lot by the demand of all the tickles on his ribs. He was certain they looked crazy to anybody looking upon them from afar, but that thought was actually nowhere close to Kei’s mind, he just wanted to be able to breathe again.

A few more clumsy steps forward and Kei’s palms found the roof of his car.

“Gah! Okay, _okay!_ ” Kei exclaimed, slapping the side of the car in order to show his surrender. Tetsurou was cracking up behind him but eased up on the tickling, absently letting his hands linger on Kei’s now aching sides. Kei clutched at the car to get his bearings, his breath heaving as he tried to catch it. He paid no mind to where Tetsurou’s hands laid, however, for all he had on his mind at that point was revenge.

Pausing for a moment in order for Tetsurou’s giggles to fade away, Kei then slowly turned his head. When he finally came eye to eye with Tetsurou, all he could see was the man visibly gulp as his eyes went wide. Kei was very aware of the death glare he was pointing in his direction, and it only fueled his retaliation in the form of a quick headlock and aggressive noogie.

“Aaaah! Kei, noooo!” Tetsurou whined as Kei relentlessly scruffed his hair back and forth under his palm.

“No? How about I walk you across the parking lot like this? That sounds like fun to me,” Kei said, a devious smile curving at his lips. Tetsurou managed to look up at Kei’s expression for just long enough for it to strike fear into his own face and that look amused Kei quite a bit. That was until Tetsurou’s look of fear morphed into something a little more sour, and at the sight of his scrunched up nose, Kei stopped his noogie. “What…?” he asked, his headlock loosening just a bit.

“It smells really bad under here…” Tetsurou said. Kei blinked and looked down at his hand. He brought it up and wiped it over Tetsurou’s face.

“And your hair is disgusting…” Kei deadpanned.

There was a single beat of silence before Tetsurou cracked up again and Kei finally let him go, rolling his eyes as he stepped over to the car and opened the door.

“Come on, idiot. Or I’ll leave you to bathe in a ditch,” Kei said. Tetsurou quickly dashed to the other side of the car and hopped in.

“Drive, drive, drive!” Tetsurou exclaimed. Kei blinked at him slowly while starting the car.

“What.”

Tetsurou stared at the blond before sighing.

“Just go…” he said, sounding defeated. “All this hair grease must be leaking into my brain…”

“That explains a lot.”

Tetsurou shoved at Kei’s shoulder before the blond scoffed and pulled out of the parking space…

 

+++

 

Luckily, the two had no problem finding a vacant motel room off of the next exit, and thankfully, the owner wasn’t a rude old man like the last time.

“Ah!” Tetsurou exclaimed as he stepped into the room and turned on the light. He heaved his bag around off his shoulder and let it fall to one of the beds nearby. “I mean, it’s no honeymoon suite but look - beds!” he continued in blissful delight.

Kei stepped in hesitantly after Tetsurou and gently closed the door behind him. He made his way over to place his own bag on the other bed.

“ _Amazing_ invention, I _know_ ,” Kei said ever so sarcastically. Tetsurou scoffed out a laugh.

“Ooh, _somebody’s_ clever,” he said, wiggling his fingers in the air. He pointed one at Kei. “And just for that, I call the shower first!”

“What, you can’t do-” and before Kei could even hope to react, Tetsurou was already running into the bathroom, leaving an echo of maniacal laughter trail behind him.

 _This guy…_ Kei thought indignantly as the door quickly shut, but it was short lived. Kei had waited _this_ long for a shower already, he could wait another ten minutes.

He was a bit beside himself with what to do while waiting though. He realized that this had been the first time he’d been alone in the past few days and it was scary that it already felt so strange to have that much peace and quiet to think. It made Kei realize that even when Tetsurou is quiet, his presence occupied enough of Kei’s mind to distract him from even the smallest of anxious thought. He supposed his spare ten minutes could be used to test himself, to see if he was actually getting better, but Tetsurou was making enough noise in the bathroom that Kei found it impossible. Instead, he simply snickered at the sound of the shampoo bottle bombardment Tetsurou was seemingly enduring.

“These walls are thin, Kei! I can hear you!” yelled Tetsurou from the bathroom.

“Don’t kill yourself, moron!” Kei called back.

“Don’t make me come out there!”

“Oh, and what are you gonna do? Soap me?”

“These shampoo bottles are dangerous, Kei!”

Kei only rolled his eyes that time. It didn’t matter if that idiot was in another room, it was impossible to feel alone with such a buffoon close by. Kei supposed he could live with that, especially since in the back of his mind, he was trying desperately to ignore the bed where his bag sat…

 

Not too long after, Tetsurou walked out of the bathroom in a cloud of steam, donning a towel around his waist. Kei had just been hovering around in front of the window not really knowing what to do with himself, when he looked over at Tetsurou toweling his hair.

“There was a robe in there I left for ya,” he said. “Figured you deserved to be cozy after the week you’ve had.”

“Thanks,” Kei said simply, feeling a slight pang of something in his chest at the kind gesture, but it was easily ignored. Especially so when Tetsurou let the towel in his hands rest on his shoulders and he looked over at Kei behind damp bangs.

Kei blinked.

Tetsurou’s cheshire grin immediately took shape.

“Why Kei,” he began. Kei instantly knew what he was going to say, even more so when Tetsurou began to pose with his hands on his hips. “I know I’m sexy, but you don’t have to stare~”

Kei had been ready for his lame teasing that time.

“I was looking at your hair…” he said sincerely.

“My hair?” Tetsurou asked, honestly sounding a little surprised, maybe even a little anxious.

“Yeah, how on earth does it stand up like that even when it’s wet? I thought you’ve been using product this whole time,” Kei explained, pointing and everything.

Tetsurou put on a grumpy face as he brought the towel up over his head to hide his shame.

“It’s my natural hair. You don’t have to point it out,” he said. Kei noticed a pout forming on that silly face. Was Tetsurou actually insecure about it? Kei didn’t see him as the type to be…

Had it been any other day, Kei would have wasted no time taking all the jabs he could. He even had the rumbling feeling of laughter shaking in his belly, but none of that felt overly appropriate, especially since Tetsurou had been going out of his way to be really nice.

Kei stepped over and yanked the towel from Tetsurou’s hands. The man’s eyes fluttered as he jumped back in surprise.

“Well don’t hide it on my account. It’s fine,” Kei said. It took Tetsurou a minute to realize what had just happened but he smiled shyly once he had. Kei ignored it and continued his path into the bathroom so he could shower.

“You can’t scrub away your kindness, Kei!” Tetsurou called. “Stop trying to hide how nice you are!”

“Shut up, Tetsurou!” Kei yelled, though his utterance stopped himself in his tracks. He hadn’t used Tetsurou’s name to address him directly before.

“What did you just say?” Tetsurou asked, popping an eager looking face into the bathroom. Kei glared at him. Tetsurou simply waved and slipped himself back out the door, gently closing it behind him. Kei took his glasses off and rubbed a hand down his face. That shouldn’t have been as embarrassing as it was, it was only a name after all and yet there he was, blush as plain as day in the grimy mirror before him. He shook his head and turned on the shower. Perhaps that would be enough to snap him out of such a ridiculous mood…

It only took the instance of water hitting his skin to do just that. He knew he had needed a shower but it seemed like being preoccupied really covered up how gross a person could get. Either way, the only thing he could think about was how nice the shower felt, and the blond decided to make it run extra long…

 

“Well, _that_ was a long shower…” Tetsurou commented as Kei walked out of the bathroom, having fully taken advantage of the bathrobe left for him. Kei had been pleased to realize that it was actually pretty nice for something someone probably left behind. That still didn’t make Kei glare any less at where Tetsurou laid on one of the beds though.

“I swear to God, if that’s another masturbation joke, I’m going to murder you tonight,” Kei threatened. Tetsurou snickered behind the book he was reading again.

“I don’t know, you did just see me in only a towel~” Tetsurou joked as he removed the reading glasses he had been wearing. Kei noticed that the man had ditched the towel for gym pants but still neglected to wear a shirt. It all meant nothing to an irritable Kei, however, as he simply sighed and passed by to sit at the dinky table that was set up under the window.

“You’re an idiot if you’d think I’d drop how I’m feeling just to check you out,” Kei said, a certain weight to his words. The snickering stopped, getting replaced by a heavier silence than Kei wanted. He may have been annoyed, but even the lighter atmosphere of masturbation jokes would have been better than feeling sympathetic eyes on his back. Kei clicked his tongue, “and don’t appologize either. It’s irritating."

Kei heard Tetsurou take a deep breath.

“I just keep forgetting how much you actually have on your mind, that’s all. Especially today. You really looked like you were having fun,” Tetsurou explained. Kei scoffed.

“I-” Kei paused. He was about to say that he did but the blond had assumed he had a deal going on with his brain that made it so he wouldn’t give Tetsurou ammo to tease him with later. Then again, the atmosphere cradled Kei into believing that his truth wouldn’t be used like that this time. “I did…” he finally admitted, never looking back but he could hear the warm smile in Tetsurou’s voice.

“I’m glad.”

It was the same way Tetsurou had spoken when he calmed him from the panic attck, when he bid him goodnight the previous day and when he told that story about the cat. It was those pockets of warmth that Tetsurou offered that allowed Kei to accept the whole of him, and any aggravation lingering from any dumb joke before simply melted away as Kei relaxed back in his chair.

It was still early evening, definitely too early to go to bed but that was fine with Kei. He was totally alright with just gazing out the window until he fell asleep at the table. Tetsurou didn’t seem to catch onto this though.

“Hey, do you want a book to read or something?” he asked. Kei actually looked over that time.

“What have you been reading, anyway?” Kei asked, genuinely interested for a change. Tetsurou flashed him the cover.

“It’s a journal about deep sea life. It was published last year so it’s a little bit outdated, but there’s still a lot of interesting stuff in it.” Tetsurou explained. Kei arched a brow.

“I didn’t think you’d be into that kind of stuff,” he said. Tetsurou chuckled.

“That’s what’s so fun about getting to know people,” he said. Kei felt a slight tightness in his chest at that. Mostly because the last time he got to know somebody so well, it didn’t end very nicely for him. “But I mean, I also have the fourth Harry Potter book and a stack of comic books about robot dinosaurs in here,” Tetsurou continued as he rummaged through his bag, “so, I’m sure that tells you a whole lot more.”

Tetsurou scratched his face and smiled shyly while waiting for Kei’s response. He even seemed to be almost bracing himself, probably due to the hair conversation from before. Kei would have been lying if he said he didn’t want to make fun of this huge, beefy dork again, but he merely turned back to the window instead.

“Pass me a comic,” he muttered. All Kei could hear was an excited shuffling before Tetsurou came leaping over next to him with a small stack of comics and bright eyes.

“Well! Let me give you the crash course in all things Dinomorphs!” he exclaimed. Kei didn’t have the sense to say no and found himself in a lecture on the history of the Dinomorphs for the next four hours. Funnily enough, Tetsurou seemed to be genuinely happy to pass along all of his knowledge about this universe as opposed to catching onto Kei’s small obsession with dinosaurs. He wanted to keep it that way...

 

“But I don’t get it, why would they make the Stegosaurus a carnivore in this case?” Kei found himself asking. He had gotten caught up in Tetsurou’s enthusiasm at some point and didn’t stop himself from asking the cutting questions.

“Right!? But that’s what links it with the overall theme! Don’t you see?” Tetsurou explained as he pointed to a spread in one of the books showing a family tree. All the comics had been sprawled over the table as well. Kei felt like he was ten years old again, remembering the nights he used to spend rambling about Jurassic Park to Tadas-...

Kei felt his mind stall out, as if he could actually hear the screeching of his gears stopping. He tried to cover up the jolt, to hide his hesitation during their conversation because he was actually having fun again and he didn’t want to slip back into another panic attack but…

“Kei?” Tetsurou asked with a smile. He was looking back in glee to hear Kei’s opinion on the plot development but his smile quickly slipped away when he noticed how lost Kei looked. Kei blinked at him and shook his head.

“I wasn’t listening. What?” he tried to say casually through the skip in his voice.

“You… Kei, did I say something stupid again?” Tetsurou asked, his face coated in concern. Kei quickly shook his head.

“No, it was my fault that time…” he said. Tetsurou looked back down at the books all over the table, flicking at the corner of a page with his finger in silence. Kei watched him. It seemed like the man was thinking and Kei hoped he wasn’t about to ask what he thought.

“Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?” Tetsurou asked, his voice steady and patient, as if he were tip toeing the question forward. He didn’t look up. Kei sighed.

“What is there to even say?” he asked. Tetsurou _did_ look up that time.

“Anything. You can just talk _at_ me if you don’t want me to say anything. Just… Get out of your head. Being triggered like that is no way to get by. What caused it that time?”

Kei supposed it was an easy enough question to answer. He even felt a bit steadier at the prospect. He took a slow breath as he relaxed back in the chair, not looking at Tetsurou but at one of the dumb ads in the comic book.

“It just reminded me of when I was a kid,” he said, hesitantly looking up for Tetsurou’s reaction. He seemed confused.

“Not about that guy?” he asked.

“No, no. He was there too. We were friends as kids.”

Kei witnessed the rush of realization as Tetsurou soaked up the news.

“Wow, so… He was your childhood friend? Your um…”

“My ex. You can say it. Talking about it doesn’t feel too… awful,” Kei admitted as he averted his gaze. He was expecting Tetsurou to start gloating that he was right but it never came. Instead, it was only more soft tones.

“Holy shit… I knew it must have been hard on you but I had no idea you guys went _that_ far back.”

Kei nodded absently. “We did,” he said, before gathering up what else he wanted to say. “He was there for everything pretty much. Grade school, high school, when I came out to my family… He was there with me through all of it.”

“So then…” Tetsurou began, but Kei decided to simply keep going to avoid him awkwardly phrasing a question.

“I asked him out after high school graduation. Honestly I should have turned back then because it took him a while to think about it, but I waited because I was an idiot.”

“But he said yes, didn’t he?”

“Obviously,” Kei answered quickly. “We went out all through college, even talked about where we wanted to move later. I _thought_ he was happy. He never said anything…”

Kei knew he was rambling and that he had started shaking but it dawned on him that this was the first time he had ever told somebody his doubts out loud. His thoughts began to scatter, the same list of questions starting to repeat again for the billionth time. Where had he gone wrong? Had he just been ignorant? Was it willfully so? Had Tadashi only been trying to be nice? How could he have done that to them after so many years of trust he put into their friendship?

Kei’s hand balled into a tight fist where it rested on the table. He clenched his eyes shut to calm himself down but it was the warm brush of fingertips against his hand that made the tension ease.

“Kei,” Tetsurou said, just enough to get the blond’s attention. He opened his eyes and they met with Tetsurou’s. He knew he seemed lost, and he knew he looked pathetic, but Tetsurou’s warm eyes said it was okay and he was absolutely sick of holding it all in.

“I asked him to marry me...” was all Kei could say in a weak voice before looking away, down, _anywhere_ but at the man he just shared that with.

“ _Kei_ …” Tetsurou whispered. It sounded like Tetsurou wanted to say or do more, but Kei shielded himself by propping his elbows up on the table and burying his face in his hands.

Pitiful. This was even worse than the panic attack. Kei hated himself.

“You know none of that is your fault, right?” Tetsurou asked. Kei scoffed and actually looked at him when he heard that.

“You think I haven’t heard _that_ one before?” he asked indignantly. Tetsurou flinched at the heated question and when Kei saw that, he knew his anger was overflowing. The dampness in his eyes didn’t help his composure either, and just like that, he felt himself falling apart again. Only _this_ time, he had a witness for it which made it that much worse. So much for getting better...

“Kei, I know but…” Tetsurou tried speaking but Kei lifted a hand to stop him. He wanted to apologize for his outburst but he couldn’t manage the words. He simply locked his watery eyes with Tetsurou’s before looking out the window and making certain that his gaze never flickered until he was over this. He heard Tetsurou’s chair shuffle, heard him get up and then he felt a warm hand on his shoulder.

“I know. You want to be alone for a little while…”

He didn’t, but Kei understood where the thought came from. For the first time in a long time he actually wanted to cling to somebody, to have them understand and help him relax just like Tadashi used to during his most insecure moments but when he realized what that made Tetsurou in this situation, he couldn’t help but feel sick with himself. Tetsurou had been so kind up until then and Kei _refused_ to let himself use Tetsurou as some kind of replacement. He didn’t _need_ a replacement but…

Kei clasped his hand around Tetsurou’s before the man could pull away.

“Kei…?”

He didn’t want to be alone…

“Can you just.... Tell me more about these stupid Dinomorphs? That Pterodactyl family is ridiculous…” he mumbled, voice low, but attempting to bring himself back out of his slump. He heard Tetsurou sit back down and when Kei glanced over, he noticed him smiling.

“Absolutely,” Tetsurou said and he quickly got to holding up the second family tree spread, this one being a three page centerfold. “Now, let me tell you about the Pterodactylmorphs…”

Somehow, Tetsurou managed to talk about dino comics long enough for Kei to pull himself back together, and until Tetsurou was drifting to sleep against the table.

“Tetsurou…” Kei said. _That_ got the man’s attention. “You’re falling asleep.”

“Hm? Yeah, I guess it _is_ getting late after all. Are you feeling any better? I’m sorry I drug that out of you, I have a bad habit of not knowing when to back off.”

“You’re a better judge of it than you think you are,” was Kei’s mumbled compliment. Tetsurou smiled.

“Hm. Good to know then…” Tetsurou said softly before getting up. He patted Kei’s shoulders as he did so. “Alright then, blondie. Time for bed!”

Kei felt that stall in his mind again but was way too exhausted to deal with that ordeal for a second time that day. He pushed it away and ignored it as best as he could.

“Y-you go. I’m gonna keep reading for a while.”

“Kei…” Tetsurou warned, “I’ve read all these comics to you three times each by now. Don’t tell me you’re avoiding sleep again.”

“I’m not.”

“Then, what’s the problem?”

Kei remained quiet. He had already let out _one_ embarrassing story, he wasn’t about to tell Tetsurou that he hadn’t had the heart to sleep in a bed on his own since the breakup…

Kei was just about to figure out another excuse when felt himself being heaved up over Tetsurou’s shoulders, fireman style.

“Jesus Christ! What are you doing!?” Kei exclaimed, his world utterly upside down.

“I’m putting you to bed! You need proper rest or you’ll be slouching like that for the rest of your life!” Tetsurou called back, though he did seem to be amused by all of Kei’s flailing.

“Put me down!” Kei protested, shifting in a way that threw Tetsurou off balance as he was unloading his blond cargo and made him fall straight down on top of Kei. The blond let out an aggressive sigh in Tetsurou’s face.

“Thank goodness for toothpaste, right Kei?” Tetsurou asked with his dumb grin.

And when Kei looked up to look at Tetsurou’s face, something inside of him snapped. It was nothing like anger or patience, but something in his chest sent a jolt through Kei’s body at the closeness, at the position… at how comfortable it would feel to just be held for a night.

As the seconds slipped by, so did Tetsurou’s grin and he was soon giving Kei a curious look as if trying to figure him out.

Kei wondered what was wrong with him, wondered why it only took an ounce of kindness and a handsome face to make his heart twist around new feelings and old. He wondered if it was a dangerous decision as he brought his arms up around Tetsurou’s neck, his hands brushing past the man’s warm skin that was still so exposed.

He knew what his motions must have looked like, he could see it in Tetsurou’s face when a jolt of alarm made the man’s eyes go wide, but Kei shook his head, lowered his gaze.

_Please don’t make me say it…_

Kei’s grip tightened as he pulled Tetsurou closer on top of him, hiding his face in the curve of the man’s neck.

_Just let me stay here for a minute…_

Tetsurou allowed it, but didn't say a word.  
  
_I'm so fucked up..._

 

_~_

_Mercy please_  
_Drop your weapons baby_  
_I’m down on my knees_  
_Why can’t you see  
_ _You’re killin me_

_~_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! Hope you guys liked this installment! :) - This time the song used was "Set Me Free" by Fefe Dobson~ Was really inspired by it. Have you guys been listening to any of them btw c: ? Totally fine if you haven't since I'm only pulling out lyrics that relate, but her songs are so beautiful, I just want to spread the love ;A;
> 
> As always, please tell me what you think! Feedback really helps keep me going (though, it probably doesn't help my wrists which got totaled while writing this chapter 8'D ow...) - And you can always yell at me over on tumblr as well - [HERE](http://sheenaxzelos.tumblr.com/)


	6. Go go! Dinomorphs!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Okay, you’re going to think I’m a huge loser b-”
> 
> “As if I didn’t already think that?” Kei interrupted, even though his arm was outstretched so that Tetsurou could measure one of the cardboard boxes he had been carving.
> 
> “Excuse me, dino dork?” Tetsurou shot at Kei. The blond merely grunted as he yanked his arm back. Tetsurou laughed before he continued. “I was going to say, that I’ve been to this con a few times before, but I’ve never managed to rope anybody in to dress up with me. I was going to thank you, but since you’re so rude, I’ll just paint your armor the wrong colour and you’ll be a laughing stock.”

Kei reached a hand out into the distance. He wasn’t exactly certain where his palm would land, but he knew when it did, it would feel right at home. One lazy stretch of the arm as he turned his body over in his soft, warm cocoon was enough to let him reach that comfortable softness that felt so good under his fingertips. He let his hand cup the curve, let his thumb graze over the subtle mountain range that could barely be felt by human touch. The only reason Kei knew he was touching small flecks of colour was because he had mapped them out long ago, in so many different ways, and when he opened his eyes, he didn’t have to question who was going to be there, because Tadashi was _always_ there.

It was a treat every morning when Kei opened his eyes. He got to see the face that had been a constant support since he was young. No matter how many moods or phases he went through, Tadashi would always be there with a smile. It was something that Kei felt like he didn’t deserve most days, but the way Tadashi pulled him into a tight embrace every morning let him know that they were fine, that they were safe...

...that _Kei_ was safe.

He was safe to lay there, face and feelings bare, because Tadashi didn’t judge him. Never, had he judged him, and Kei could only assume that it was the most natural thing in the world that he fell in love with that man. The one with the cute freckles and good taste in books. The one that hugged him out of his bad moods and knew just what to say at any given time to set Kei back on the right path when he was too apathetic to make the right decision.

He loved Tadashi. He loved him so much, and Kei felt so lucky that he was able to bask in his comfort, to be able to lean in and gently brush their lips together, enjoy his presence and soak up his soul.

It was simply a shame that such things were only fleeting in his current state. Where at one point, Kei felt like his feelings would spill out forever, now just hit a wall and splashed straight back in his face leaving him cold, lonely and unsure.

Kei hadn’t had the luxury of having a dream like that in a long time, so he desperately wanted to cling to it. If he didn’t, then the only thing it could result in was him losing Tadashi _again_ , and as the swirls of images began to dissipate, he felt the dread in his heart that he could never stop it from happening. Not in his dreams, not in the real world, and as Kei’s eyes sprung open, getting an eyeful of the old, dust covered motel room only crushed him under the earth of reality.

Kei was stiff during his first few seconds of consciousness. All he had were vague memories of the dream he just had and the musky smell of the room blocked his nose. Right, he had slept here last night. His first time sleeping alone in a bed since the breakup… He supposed it had gone better than he expected, especially considering the first night he tried, but then it hit him…

...He hadn’t been alone.

Upon realizing that, Kei was suddenly very aware of the heat that was enveloping his back. How two strong arms were holding him tightly around his waist and pressing him back against a solid chest. Right... He hadn’t slept alone last night at all, and now that he had the chance to sober up from his emotional stress of the night before, he felt the same sort of regret he would have felt if he _had_ actually woken up from a drunken one night stand.

He wasn’t sure why he felt that way, they hadn’t done anything. Tetsurou had held him, nothing more, but Kei still felt that sinking feeling. He felt pathetic and weak for giving into his desire for warmth. He felt guilty that he had essentially used Tetsurou to get that and he had also betrayed his own heart because nobody else should have been holding him.

Even if Tadashi would never hold him like this again…

His thoughts felt over the top. Kei knew that. He was even getting sick of his own despair and anguish and just wished he could go back to not caring about anything again. He knew that Tetsurou was only being nice to him, and when Kei refused to let go, he simply slept next to him.

Kei supposed that’s what friends _did_ for each other. Then again, when was the last time he had made a friend?

Though now Kei had to make a choice of whether to get up unnoticed and ignore his previous evening’s behavior entirely, or, to stay there and address it once Tetsurou woke up.

He had convinced himself to opt for the latter but as he started to feel Tetsurou stir behind him, he immediately wanted to change his decision. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t talk about this. He couldn’t-

“Mm… Kei? Are you awake?” Tetsurou asked, his voice thick with sleep.

He could just lay there and play dead. Tetsurou would have to give up and leave eventually, right?

“Yeah…” Kei replied despite his thoughts.

There was a pause, a heavy moment where Kei was very aware of Tetsurou’s body enveloping him. He didn’t want to let himself fall victim to that surprisingly comforting heat because it felt wrong and yet…

“How are you feeling?”

The words were as soft and supportive as Tadashi’s had been at one point and Kei wasn’t sure if it was because of the memory that made his stomach begin to flutter or if it was actually Tetsurou himself. The weakness of early morning let him accept it regardless.

“Awkward…” was Kei’s response, and he felt Tetsurou begin to soundlessly shake behind him, the motion quickly peppered with throaty snickers.

“I guess it _was_ kind of silly to fall asleep like this,” he said, “but, Kei? You’re not um… I mean, are you okay with this?”

“It was me who initiated,” Kei replied dryly. “Why would I think it wasn’t okay?”

Tetsurou slipped his arms away and sat up.

“Because you’re allowed to change your mind whenever you want and it’s just… You’re getting over your ex. I don’t want to overstep my-”

“For fuck’s sake, I said it was fine,” Kei grumbled, sitting up and trying to get away from the bed as fast as he could. He wasn’t too sure where to stomp off to, but quickly decided to start organizing his bag where it had been left on the other bed. He didn’t say anything, but he could still feel Tetsurou eyeing him, either out of concern or confusion.

Yep. He was right. This was very awkward…

“Look,” Kei began again, shaking out a tangled shirt in his hands, “I just… I want you to know that I didn’t do that last night to… Replace… Him, okay? I…”

“Is… Is that what you were worried about? You thought I’d feel used? Because we cuddled?” Tetsurou asked, his voice getting more incredulous with each question. Kei only grew more frustrated and it reached its crest once the asshole in front of him started laughing.

“Would you stop laughing? I was only-”

“No, no! I know what you were doing, don’t get me wrong!” Tetsurou interrupted, quickly trying to get his laughter under control. He wiped a tear from his eye. “It’s just… Aha, I really wish more guys were like you.”

Kei felt his cheeks heat up immediately, unsure if it was due to the compliment or the aggravation.

“What the hell?” Kei mumbled, distracting himself with the contents of his bag again.

“Let’s just say that if more people were _that_ concerned about the morning after, there’d be a lot less broken hearts in the world…”

Tetsurou’s words were vague as he got out of bed and passed Kei to get to the bathroom. The blond looked over at the closed door, blinking a few times as he let the sentence sink in. He had woken up distraught and confused, but for some reason, those words gave him a different perspective to consider, and it calmed him down almost instantly.

Something was telling him that he was overthinking this, maybe even taking it too seriously. He had only ever taken his relationship with _Tadashi_ seriously. That’s not to say all of his relationships didn’t deserve the same kind of respect, they did, but maybe it was that heavy seriousness that had pushed away Tadashi in the first place. Well, him not exactly being attracted to men was a huge factor too, but that had nothing to do with their friendship and even _that_ slipped through his fingers. If Kei had just taken the time to relax, would he have taken the breakup so hard?

Then again, if he hadn’t taken the breakup so hard, he wouldn’t have had the pleasure of making fun of Tetsurou knocking over shampoo bottles again.

“Hey, it doesn’t matter how hard you hit hair products, they’re never going to listen to you!” Kei called.

“Shut up!” was Tetsurou’s muffled reply.

Kei smirked and finished rummaging through his bag, somehow feeling convinced that the day wouldn’t be so bad after all...

 

+++

 

After collapsing under the weight of his thoughts so many times, Kei finally found it easier to talk about Tadashi out loud. It flowed easily, somehow, after spilling his dilemma so many times. Tetsurou made him feel like it was okay to talk about it, his reactions made it simple. As much as he generally felt his state was pathetic, when he spoke with Tetsurou it didn’t feel that way. He still wasn’t sure how he would react to seeing or talking with Tadashi in person again, but this, at least, felt okay for now...

“It actually happened a month ago,” he explained casually. Once they were settled away in the car and on the road again, Tetsurou had asked him if he slept well at least and the subject of Kei’s ex came up yet again. He had finally confessed about his little secret sleeping problem but Tetsurou didn’t seem surprised.

“So you like… haven’t slept in a bed for that long?” he asked.

“I seriously couldn’t do it. Couches, at my desk. Those were the only places I could sleep. The bed just… I always felt like I was drowning.”

“That’s crazy…” Tetsurou said softly, only with sympathy, no judgement hung on his words. “Think you’ll be able to handle it now then? You’ve faced your fear after all, ha ha.”

Kei gave it some thought. He pictured his sleep the night before without Tetsurou at his side and quite honestly, the relief in his spine was enough to make him realize what he had been missing.

“I think I’m done with sleeping in cars, if that’s what you mean.”

“Well! I wouldn’t give that up right away. New York is still pretty far, after all…”

Kei glanced over and saw the smirk on the man’s face. He smirked back. Yeah, he’d see this through…

“So what else can you tell me about him?” Tetsurou asked, his arms now resting behind his head and his feet were kicked up on the dashboard.

“Hm? Like…? What do you want to know?”

“Anything! Did you guys have dumb nicknames for each other or something?”

“I didn’t, but… You, uh… You heard his on the phone, remember?” Kei mumbled.

“Oh yeah! Oh God… Kei, I may have told him off…” Tetsurou laughed, half worried, half amused. Kei snorted slightly.

“You hungover bastard…” he said. Tetsurou chuckled.

“So… Think you’ll ever be able to have someone call you that again?” he asked gently. Kei remembered how he reacted the last time and thought about it now with his clearer mind.

“Honestly, I never liked it to begin with. So I’d rather not?”

“Really? All that time and you never even liked it?”

“Well, I don’t know. I didn’t exactly like it, but it was comfortable. And if you’re trying to worm your way into calling me that, you can forget it.”

“Dammit! You saw right through me.” Tetsurou said. Kei scoffed.

“So what about you? You’ve been asking me questions all morning. Why don’t you tell me the story behind what you said at the motel.”

Tetsurou made a strange sound in his throat, almost offended, but he covered it up with a laugh as he shook his head.

“You seriously want me to tell you about my lame one night stands?” Tetsurou asked skeptically. Kei made a face, but the blond figured it was an innocent enough question despite the subject.

“Well I’m not asking for gritty details. It’s just, what you said back there made it sound like you had something to hide too.”

“Like you? Well no, none of the people I’ve slept with have ever meant that much to me. I mean, I’ve tried, don’t get me wrong, but… Aha, I don’t know how to explain it…”

Kei could hear a touch of strain in Tetsurou’s voice, and wondered if maybe he was the one who struck a nerve that time. He was going to say something but Tetsurou was chuckling again.

“Jeeze, you probably think I’m some kind of whore now,” he laughed. Kei wasn’t sure if he was joking or what, but he could sense an underlying seriousness.

“I don’t think that,” Kei said frankly.

“Oh. Well…” Tetsurou said in mild surprise. There was a moment of silence and Kei wondered if that was the end of that, but there was one thing he was still curious about.

“So, is there any reason you haven’t had any longer relationships? Just not in the mood, or…?” Kei asked, trailing off to let Tetsurou catch on.

“Hmm… He’d probably scold me for giving you my reason,” Tetsurou replied.

Kei glanced over for a second, just enough to see the thought painted on Tetsurou’s face. He didn’t exactly look like he wanted to talk about it anymore, though Kei had learned a lot just from that. He wondered if this _‘he’_ was the same one Tetsurou was talking about before. He wondered if the name _‘Kenma’_ belonged to him. Either way, Tetsurou seemed to have a sore spot like Kei did, and it felt as though he had been dealing with his problems a lot longer than Kei had been dealing with his own. He supposed he didn’t need to know the details if Tetsurou didn’t want to share. He understood and decided to drop it.

They had been surprisingly chatty since they woke up that morning, so Kei was ready to sit back and bask in the peaceful quiet of the road for a few hours, but, it didn’t last for long as he heard a loud thunk against the window.

“Holy shit!” Tetsurou yelled, his face and hands glued to the glass as he peered out. “Kei, you’ve got to take the next exit.”

“Hah…?” Kei glanced over again in time to see Tetsurou’s sparkling eyes and pleading hands.

“Dinomorphs convention, exit 8, go,  _go!_ ”

 

+++

 

After a heated argument and having turned around twice, Kei found himself in the middle of a Wal-Mart parking lot, impatiently waiting for Tetsurou to get back. He tapped his foot against the pavement as he leaned against the car. He wasn’t doing this. Why would he even _humour_ Tetsurou with the idea? He wouldn’t dare-

“One cosplay, coming right up!” Tetsurou called, about five huge shopping bags in his hands. Kei stared at him with the most aggravated look he had ever made, but Tetsurou wasn’t fazed. There was something about the way Tetsurou stared back that was daring Kei to seriously say no to this. As hard as Kei glared, the blond knew it to be true. He _couldn’t_ say no to this, because deep down, and he hated to admit it, he was very uncool, and he couldn’t believe that Tetsurou had the power to pull it out of him. He could only assume it was because Tetsurou was the biggest nerd of them all.

“I said I’d check it out with you, I never agreed to dress up. You’re aware of that, right?” Kei said. Tetsurou could only smile.

“Well, we can’t exactly show up at a convention without a costume, can we?”

“We can, actually.”

“Well that’s not how I see things! Now come on, there’s a park outside the center we can work in,” he said eagerly as he got into the car.

Kei rolled his eyes and got in as well. Perhaps he had silently agreed to go through with this but he didn’t have to make it easy for Tetsurou. It was just the kind of person Kei was, though Tetsurou’s smile seemed to broaden with each challenge…

 

+++

 

“Okay, you’re going to think I’m a huge loser b-”

“As if I didn’t already think that?” Kei interrupted, even though his arm was outstretched so that Tetsurou could measure one of the cardboard boxes he had been carving.

“ _Excuse_ me, dino dork?” Tetsurou shot at Kei. The blond merely grunted as he yanked his arm back. Tetsurou laughed before he continued. “I was going to say, that I’ve been to this con a few times before, but I’ve never managed to rope anybody in to dress up with me. I was going to thank you, but since you’re so rude, I’ll just paint your armor the wrong colour and you’ll be a laughing stock,” he threatened, though he spoke so brightly it could hardly be considered as such.

“You’re making cardboard costumes. I think you’re set on being a laughing stock,” Kei calmly retorted, but Tetsurou only laughed again, warmer this time.

“It’s actually pretty cool there. As long as you're having fun, nobody really cares what you’re wearing. Though, I’ll have you know my last minute cardboard costumes have won awards in the past.”

“Pfft.”

“I’m serious! I got a ribbon for _most creative_ , one year. You’d be amazed to see what I can do with a few paper plates and some spray paint,” Tetsurou said proudly.

“I’m sure…” Kei said flatly even though he couldn’t help but be caught on Tetsurou’s thoughtful face as the conversation trailed off. Tetsurou actually looked really happy as he pieced everything together, the white school glue sticking to his fingers and splotches of paint all over his forearms. He looked like a ten year old doing arts and crafts, but it was rather charming in some strange way. Kei shook his head and looked up at the clear blue sky.

This was ridiculous, wasn’t it? To think that he had driven so far away from home already to clear his head and now he was going to hit up some lame con wearing makeshift armor with possibly the biggest dweeb he had ever met. He wondered for a second how he even managed to let this happen, but then it occurred to him, that it was just that. He was being a touch fussy, sure, but he was being far more agreeable. He wasn’t certain if it was only his mind now clinging to any sort of distraction it could find after being broken out of isolation, but perhaps there was a part of him that wanted to keep going for a while. It wasn’t as if going to this convention was getting them any closer to New York anyway, though, that itself was a strange thought. Was Tetsurou avoiding the end of their trip too…?

“Okay, I’m almost done! If we’re lucky, we might be able to make it to the opening ceremony tonight,” Tetsurou said, flashing Kei a large grin. Kei felt his lips about to smile back, so he leaned his chin against his hand to casually hide it. Tetsurou didn’t seem too convinced though since he started laughing again before getting back to work.

“You can take your time. I’m in no rush to embarrass myself.”

“Why, Kei. That’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me,” Tetsurou teased. Kei picked up a circle of construction paper that had been so meticulously cut out and stuck it to one of the glue patches on Tetsurou’s arm. “Hey!”

But all Kei could do was keep his tiny smile hidden behind his hand during his retaliation. Tetsurou’s reactions were funny, but the blond figured it was best to keep quiet for now, lest he let slip more embarrassing things. What was wrong with him today? He blamed the smell of cheap paint floating on the spring breeze…

 

+++

 

“And the final touch is the tail, because you can’t be an Ankylomorph if you don’t have the tail,” Tetsurou explained as he glued the final piece of Kei’s costume onto him, patting his butt in a friendly manner. Kei kicked him regardless. “Agh! My shin armor!”

“That’s what a Diplomorph gets for touching and Ankylomorph’s ass,” Kei grunted, attempting to fold his arms as well but all the cardboard plates got in the way.

At some point in the afternoon, Kei had lazily made his way to purchase some passes for them, considering Tetsurou had blown a ton of money on costume supplies. They were currently in one of the convention center’s bathrooms putting the finishing touches on their costumes. Well, it was more so Tetsurou who was putting the finishing touches on everything, Kei was simply standing there, looking in the mirror and questioning every choice he had ever made in his life.

“Fair enough, but… Tada! What do you think?” Tetsurou said, holding out his arms and presenting Kei’s reflection to him. Kei stared with dead eyes at the mirror.

He was wearing a box on his head, an ever shifting unfitted mess of cardboard and construction paper with haphazardly painted details all over the place. His arms were covered from shoulder guard to wrist with chopped out shapes meant to be armor. Tetsurou had even managed to fashion a chest plate and leg guards, every sloppily cut piece hanging off of him somehow. Kei turned his body slightly and blinked at the huge tail that had just been stuck to him and he sighed. He barely looked anything like the character Tetsurou had been trying to recreate, but when he glanced up at the proud looking man sporting a costume that was probably even more ridiculous than his own, his sigh couldn’t help but morph into a small laugh.

“I think you’re terrible at making costumes,” he said. He was expecting Tetsurou to look hurt, but Kei was instead greeted with a smug smile that rivaled his own.

“Maybe, but you’re wearing it, aren’t you?” he said. Kei felt all of his words leave him at once. He could have said anything to revive his dignity, but to be perfectly honest with himself, he was in a very _‘fuck it’_ kind of mood. All he could do was roll his eyes. “That’s what I thought!” Tetsurou exclaimed with a brighter smile as he pulled out his phone from somewhere. _Had he fashioned a cardboard pocket too...?_

Kei didn’t have time to linger on the question before Tetsurou was snapping photo after photo.

“Oh God, stop that. It’s bad enough I’m wearing this, don’t you dare take any photos to preserve this shit,” Kei said as he lurched forward to grab the phone and possibly attempt to delete any photo that had already been captured. Tetsurou’s reflexes were quick though.

“No way! Do you have any idea how funny you look in that costume? I need a picture if I ever need to cheer myself up~” Tetsurou teased as he swooped in to take a selfie with Kei. The blond began to push back and ultimately made any selfie attempt a blurry mess. Tetsurou laughed though, because it seemed like anything that got under Kei’s skin in a not so serious way amused him. Kei hadn’t decided if that was charming or annoying yet…

Kei swiped his hand once more in an attempt to steal Tetsurou’s phone again, only for the man to stop him seriously that time.

“No, hold on…” he said, a grave look in his face that Kei noticed even through his stupid cardboard helmet. Tetsurou was thumbing through the photos he had just taken and his eyes only squinted in confusion more and more with each one.

“Something… wrong?” Kei asked hesitantly, confused over the eerie shift in mood.

“Yeah, there’s just this… Look, there’s something strange in these photos…” Tetsurou said as he held the phone out for Kei to take a look. There _was_ something strange about the photos. As blurry as they were, there was a very _out of place_ blur behind the two in each picture. Kei and Tetsurou both lifted their gaze at each other at the same time before finally looking behind them only to find a tall man with spikey red hair and a chilling expression to be standing on a toilet in one of the open stalls.

“Hmm, well, it certainly took a long time for you guys to notice me!” he exclaimed, hopping off the toilet and slouchily walking past them to the door. “Jeeze, how long can two people flirt in a bathroom at a con and not notice the guy behind them…” the strange man muttered to himself on his way out. He _too_ had a pass and a costume, clearly another attendee, but Kei still felt his heart in his throat as the two still stood there in shock.

“I… I thought I was going to die…” Tetsurou said, his face gone pale. It was Kei’s turn to snicker this time. “Shut up! That guy was scary!”

Kei gave Tetsurou a shove before stepping towards the door.

“Cons are supposed to be full of freaks though, aren’t they?” Kei said, looking back at Tetsurou. The man took a deep breath and shook off his near heart attack with laughter.

“Let’s get out there, then…”

And with ridiculously cheap cardboard costumes rustling about as they walked, Kei and Tetsurou finally made their way to the con floor. They ended up missing the opening ceremony because of how difficult Kei had made it for Tetsurou to get the costume on him in the first place, but that was okay. And they both crashed ridiculously hard at the end of the night when they finally made it back to Kei’s car, but that was okay too. Tetsurou promised to reinforce the costumes for the next day, but Kei was already too sleepy to care as he dozed off in the passenger’s seat, half of his fake armor plates still attached and leaving imprints on his skin when he woke up with them still hanging off of his limbs in the morning.

Tetsurou was thrilled to get one of his books signed by the original comic artist that had somehow miraculously agreed to show up to such a small convention. Kei didn’t know why some of his thrill had leaked over into his being, but it felt like it did. There was just something about Tetsurou that was infectious, something that told Kei that it was okay to be dragged around for a little while, that it was okay to be roped into wearing barely functional costumes and having pictures taken of him. Even competing in a dumb skit contest where Tetsurou had assured him that all he had to do was stand there was okay. Though, the antics that Tetsurou had performed around the very static Ankylomorph was enough to make Kei crack up behind his hand in front of the crowd. Even more amusing when the strange guy from the bathroom crashed their skit and sent Tetsurou cowering behind Kei with a genuine fear. Kei simply wore his smug expression as he stepped forward and towered over the hunched redhead.

“You have something to discuss with the Diplomorph?” Kei found himself saying.

“Not at all,” said the costumed man, “I just wanted to see him run away scared!”

Kei wasn’t sure how serious any of this was. He was fairly sure it wasn’t very, so he only sighed and pulled Tetsurou over by the arm so that he could face his actual fear and also wrap up the awkward skit in some way. Somehow, the whole thing managed to earn them third prize. Kei still couldn’t believe that. Even their little skit crasher ended up with a ribbon for that display. He introduced himself as Satori Tendou afterwards, but still managed to creepily photobomb every single picture Tetsurou tried to take that day instead of actually trying to have a conversation. Tetsurou never really _did_ stop feeling like he would be murdered at any point, but Kei only scoffed at it…

...And it was fun. Kei couldn’t deny that randomly going to that stupid convention was some of the most fun he had ever had in his life. After the carefree days of childhood warped into an ever present storm of doubt and apathy, Kei actually felt the ease of those days once more, and for the first time in the past month, he didn’t doubt that what he was feeling was genuine. Genuine ease and comfort, and there was surprisingly nothing to question about that…

“Ugh, so do you want to go again tomorrow or do you think you wanna skip it and get back on the road?” Tetsurou asked as he laid on the backseat of the car. That day had been a whirlwind of running around everywhere and they were both ridiculously exhausted again.

Kei thought about it though. Wondered if another day would be fun or if he would just feel irritated from more time in a crowd. He sighed.

“I don’t know. It’ll probably be a pain to put up with all those screaming teenagers again,” Kei said, already relaxed in the passenger’s seat. He had actually managed to take off all the bits of the costume this time, as did Tetsurou, though the pieces of armor definitely didn’t make it out in a decent state.

“Ha ha, you’re right about that one! Maybe we should find a country road to drive on tomorrow…” Tetsurou suggested, his voice soft. Kei closed his eyes at the sound, allowing it to fade into the quiet of the car sitting under the night sky in an abandoned lot on the outskirts of town. Certainly they could have gotten another motel room, but neither of them seemed really interested in dealing with that after having spent so much time and money over the impromptu con expedition. Kei took a deep breath as he relaxed.

“Why that?”

“I don’t know, just seemed like a nice idea. Peaceful, you know?”

“You and peaceful don’t exactly seem to go together,” Kei teased, his own voice rather quiet as well. There was no need to be loud though. They both seemed fairly concentrated on the other as they sunk into their own little world in the messy car.

“Shut up, I can appreciate some peace and quiet. Especially after a convention like that,” Tetsurou replied.

“Mm,” Kei responded with a simple sound, melting into another soundless moment between them.

“Thanks for going with me by the way. I really mean it. You don’t seem like the type who would like that sort of thing,”

“I don’t,” was Kei’s short response.

“You could have fooled me. The way you looked down on that guy during our skit was amazing. You defended my honour. I was touched~” Tetsurou recounted dramatically. Kei rolled his eyes, though nobody could see.

“You were being a coward. I don’t get why you were so afraid of that guy…” Kei said. He then heard Tetsurou quickly get up and just like that, a phone was thrust in his face.

“Are you serious!? Look at this guy!” Tetsurou exclaimed, thumbing through photo after photo of Satori pulling faces in the background. Kei probably would have found that annoying in any other situation, but there was something kind of funny about it in this case so he merely snorted.

“Better be careful, he might be out there right now…” Kei said, making his low voice sound threatening as he turned his head to give Tetsurou a chilling look. Tetsurou had nothing but honest fear strike his face.

“Kei…” he whined, but the blond couldn’t stop himself.

“...Just out there lurking, and waiting for you to take one more picture. But this time, when his face appears in the photo, he’ll just leap straight out and-”

“OKAY! _OKAY!_ ” Tetsurou yelled, blocking his ears at first but then quickly wrapping his arms around the passenger’s seat, trapping both the seat and Kei in his arms as he hung on for dear life. Kei stared downwards at the powerful embrace, and took note of the actual tremble in the man’s arms.

“I take it you’re not a fan of ghost stories,” Kei deadpanned.

“Shut up! That was a slasher story if I’ve ever heard one,” Tetsurou cried, his face popping out from behind the seat and locking eyes with Kei once the blond turned his head back again.

At that moment, all Kei could think about was just how ridiculous this man was, how ridiculous his situation was, and just how nonsensical anything they were discussing had been, but it was nice. Kei couldn’t even begin to describe just how nice it felt and he was suddenly thankful that their trip had been extended by such a silly event.

He wasn’t sure when it got so easy to be around Tetsurou, but it was. He wasn’t sure what that was supposed to mean, but Kei didn’t feel like he was supposed to figure it out. He brought his hand up to brush against Tetsurou’s clenched fists that were still holding him and the seat tightly. He noticed Tetsurou’s gaze flicker, noticed a short gasp of breath escape his lips and Kei wondered if the jolt he felt in his stomach was a normal reaction to have in such a situation, but he didn’t question it. His touch relaxed Tetsurou’s grip, and Kei simply smirked.

“I’ll make sure the doors are locked tonight,” he said devilishly. Tetsurou groaned as he pulled his arms away and slumped against the backseat again.

“You’re so evil!” Tetsurou complained. Kei scoffed.

“Just go to sleep, idiot,” he said.

“Fine! Don’t protect me!” Tetsurou retorted as he reached for his bag. He began rummaging around in it, and Kei could tell just by the sound that he had started to browse through his wallet. “See if I pay for more of your gas again.”

“You stop paying for gas and you can walk to New York,” Kei said through a yawn. He wasn’t serious though. They had never struck a deal like that to begin with.

“R-right…” Tetsurou said absently. Kei found the sound a bit strange though and he looked behind the seat at him.

“I wasn’t actually serious about that, you know…” he explained.

“I know, I just uh… aha… may have spent more on the con than I thought…” Tetsurou said sheepishly. Kei’s expression completely deadened.

“Don’t tell me you-...”

“Aha! I don’t have a dime!”

Kei had never lost respect for somebody so quickly...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No song this time again, though the next chapter will surely make up for that, oho~ Aagh, this chapter was a lot of fun to write, so I hope it was fun enough to read! ;o; I'm also really looking forward to the next one. I'll be drawing some art for it too, so get stoked! :D
> 
> As always, feedback really fuels the writing process so please tell me what you think! *u* And you can always stop by my tumblr for fic updates or to yell at me. Either one! :D - [CLICK](http://sheenaxzelos.tumblr.com/)


	7. You and I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey! I didn’t see you there!” Tetsurou exclaimed, as friendly as could be. “Kei, who’s your friend? She’s as cute as you are!”
> 
> “I’m going to kill you,” Kei muttered. Tetsurou flinched and Hitoka laughed through her embarrassment, waving Tetsurou off.
> 
> “I’m Hitoka Yachi, Kei’s friend from college,” she greeted...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS WAS A PROJECT. OMG.  
> Not only did the drawing take longer than I thought, the word count on this puppy got totally out of control, but, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!! :D
> 
> Special thanks to [midnightmooncatcher](http://midnightmooncatcher.tumblr.com/) for beta'ing this chapter and also being such great support during the creation of this monster~

“I can’t _believe_ you. You seriously spent all of your money on those costumes?” Kei continued to scold the morning after. He had been too exhausted to even _deal_ with Tetsurou’s problem the night before, so he had brushed him off and told him to go to sleep. Of course, Kei still had enough energy to instill an extra bit of fear by mentioning Satori again, though. He needed to punish the boy somehow for being so irresponsible.

“Well it was also food, and that autograph and I _did_ fill your gas tank yesterday too,” Tetsurou explained, but Kei didn’t want to hear it.

“And you didn’t have to do that, I told you. Why weren’t you paying closer attention to your funds?” he asked, down to his last ounce of patience. They were still driving at this point so all of Kei’s glares and gestures were short lived to get back to the steering wheel.

“Because…” Tetsurou mused, clearly trying to think up an excuse as he formed the words, “...Life’s too short to count dollars!” he settled upon.

“Yeah, if you’re a moron,” Kei jabbed. Tetsurou hung his head and groaned.

“I knooow,” he whined. “I was just having so much fun with you, I couldn’t help myself.”

Tetsurou slumped his head against the dashboard and Kei glanced over upon hearing the sound. Between what the man had just said and those goddamn puppy eyes he insisted on making, Kei felt his cheeks grow warm and he grunted out of frustration.

He wasn’t even sure what he was frustrated with, really. It was a mix between dealing with such blatant irresponsibility and the fact that Tetsurou’s sweetness was really starting to get to him. It picked and chipped away at his chest, almost as if Tetsurou was trying to mess with him on a subconscious level or something. Kei couldn’t pinpoint _how_ he felt about his passenger anymore…

...He didn’t hate him. That much was clear but… Did he like him? In some strange way that made his chest flutter? That was stupid, wasn’t it? Too quick even. He was convinced that his heart was trying to cling to something, anything… And yet there was a part of him that was genuinely intrigued by Tetsurou, though, that still didn’t quell the guilt. Why did he even feel guilty? Kei let out a deep aggravated sigh. He was being stupid. So, so stupid…

Tetsurou flinched at the sound. Noticing that he probably thought that sigh was directed at him, Kei smirked over his upper hand.

“I’m not going to hit you, if that’s what you think. I’m driving, after all…” he said dryly. Tetsurou actually squeaked.

“To be honest, I’m more afraid of you giving me a noogie again,” he said.

“Don’t tempt me. I can still pull over you know.”

Tetsurou laughed warmly at the threat but scrambled when Kei started to slow the car down and began pulling over.

“Kei, no. I didn’t mean it!” Tetsurou tried to protest, but Kei had already stopped, the hiss of the seatbelt had already sounded, and Tetsurou quickly found himself in a headlock, a rough hand scuffing back and forth over his scalp in quick succession.

“And what have we learned?” Kei asked, his steady voice contrasting with his unrelenting noogie. Tetsurou was making a noise somewhere between a laugh and scream, but he tried his best to answer.

“To pay attention to my moneeeyyy!” he cried. Kei didn’t let up.

“And what else?” he calmly prodded.

“Not to laugh at your threeaaatss!!” Tetsurou yelled. Feeling satisfied, Kei let up on the noogie and eased his grip. Tetsurou looked at him, a grumpy pout on his face. Kei couldn’t understand if it was a joke or serious. Regardless, he found himself smiling smugly down at the man whose hair seemed to have exploded under the blond’s touch.

“That’s right,” Kei confirmed, eyeing the strands of hair before him and feeling the urge to tease some more. “You know…” he said, tilting his head and twisting a piece of Tetsurou’s hair around his finger, “...If your hair looks like this anyway, why not just go all out with it? You could just spike it to the sky.” Tetsurou stuck his pout out even more.

“You’re really mean,” he said. Kei lit up at the words, knowing full well that natural sarcasm was oozing out from his expression.

“And you were saying I was nice,” he pointed out.

“Well you are, but you’re also mean and…” Tetsurou trailed off, his gaze hooking onto Kei’s as it passed by. It made the blond realize that they were still quite close. Kei was hunched over in his seat, his arm still resting over Tetsurou’s shoulder. He felt that jolt in his stomach again, caught Tetsurou glancing down somewhere that made Kei swallow. “...You’re kind of cute when you make that face,” he finished with a smile. Kei then shoved him away as he scoffed.

“Shut up,” he said. He glanced over at Tetsurou while preparing to pull back onto the road, noticing that he wasn’t his usual smug self after messing with Kei. He seemed… Shy? Kei couldn’t exactly be sure considering he was way too distracted by the fact that it had been the second time in two days now that they had been frozen by a moment like that. Hanging on a breath, something close to breaking. He wanted to convince himself to be ignorant of what had almost happened between them, but he wasn’t that clueless.

This was stupid. So, so stupid…

“Anyway, you need to find some cash. I’m not paying for your meals for the rest of this trip,” Kei said in an attempt to get the conversation back on track. No way was he going to have that dumb thought stick around in his head.

Tetsurou slumped against the dashboard once again and groaned.

“Ugh, I know,” he said, back in the thick of reality.

“I feel like this isn’t the first time this has happened to you,” Kei mused as he finally pulled back on the road.

“Ah…” Tetsurou began, hesitant. “You’d be right about that.”

“So, do you need an ATM or something? I mean, we can just stop at…”

“No, I can’t start pulling from those savings now.”

“What the hell? Why not?”

“Ah… That’s part of a larger story,” he responded, rather distantly. Kei was starting to get annoyed by all of these vague references to a larger story. He wanted to stop the car again and honestly pry it out of the man, but Kei supposed he didn’t have much to gain from acting on his frustration. Besides, there was still the main issue at hand.

“Fine,” Kei said, “But that still means you have to find some cash.”

At those words, Tetsurou sat straight in his seat, and folded his arms in determination. Kei gave him a confused glance. Did that fire him up or something?

“You forget, this isn’t my first time being out on the road without cash. I have my ways,” Tetsurou said, suddenly not as dejected as he had been before. He leaned forward and looked out the window at their surroundings. “Now, where are we…”

Kei waited for Tetsurou to get his bearings. He supposed the man hadn’t been paying attention to any of the road signs they had passed. Then again, Kei wasn’t doing a very good job at paying attention to those either…

“Ah!” Tetsurou exclaimed after they passed a certain sign. “I know exactly how I’m gonna get some cash. Do you mind if we spend the night in the next town?” Tetsurou asked, his expression trying to tempt Kei with every ounce of his being. Kei simply blinked at him. Well, he didn’t have to try _that_ hard…

“I guess this place is as good as any but-” Kei almost asked what Tetsurou had in mind when it came to the cash, but he was interrupted by a disregarding hand.

“Don’t you worry. This town is pretty special,” Tetsurou said with a confident grin. Kei felt his stomach twist with dread. He had no idea what Tetsurou had up his sleeve and he wasn’t sure if he even wanted to know…

 

+++

 

Kei had no idea where Tetsurou was leading him, but he could see this town was far from special. It was a dump. He had never heard the name of it before, but that didn’t exactly matter. The streets were pretty bare except for all the bits of trash lining the chipped pavement. It was clear that this was a poorer community, and Kei had to wonder just what Tetsurou was thinking when he thought he could easily get money around here… But he didn’t question it. He simply decided to let Tetsurou do his thing, whatever crazy thing it was…

Kei’s ears was soon filled with the sound of distant bass, and the blond quickly realized that Tetsurou had led him to a street filled with bars. The sun had already set, so the street was already fairly lively with stumbling people crossing the road to get to another bar and groups of folks huddling in small alley ways in order to smoke. To be honest, he didn’t really feel comfortable parking his car near there, but Tetsurou reassured him with a pat on the shoulder as they stopped in one of the lots.

“Don’t worry, the people around here are good so it should be safe to park. Now, where shall I go first...” Tetsurou mused. Kei sighed.

“You’re seriously not going to tell me what you’re scheming? Do you have any idea how uncomfortable that makes me?” Kei deadpanned. All Tetsurou could do was grin.

“You’ve trusted me with far more delicate tasks up until now, Kei. I think you can trust me with earning some cash for myself,” he said, “now get out. Time is of the essence!” he finished excitedly as he scrambled out of the car. With another sigh, Kei followed. He didn’t have anything better to do anyway…

The lot they picked was a bit further down the street from where they were headed, so they had a peaceful walk through the cool air under the night sky.

“So…” Tetsurou’s deep voice cut through the sound of their footsteps, “...Still annoyed that I hijacked your road trip?”

The question had come out of nowhere so Kei wasn’t sure if he was even prepared to answer. Honestly, he hadn’t really thought about it recently. He had been swept away by stupid conventions and heavy conversations and before Kei even knew it, he had just accepted Tetsurou’s presence in his life. Not that this was even his normal life, it was only a temporary escape from what was still waiting for him back home, but even so, this ridiculous excursion had helped him build up the courage he hadn’t been able to manifest himself. That alone had been worth it, he supposed…

“No,” Kei replied frankly. A short response that held a lot of meaning. He wasn’t about to go through the details with Tetsurou out loud, but that didn’t seem to make a difference. When Kei glanced over at him, Tetsurou’s grin was already beaming.

“So I’ve won you over!” he teased. Kei didn’t know why but those words made his arm reflexively rise and he shoved Tetsurou to the side. Tetsurou snickered at the gesture. “Guess I still have a ways to go,” he mused.

Kei knew that Tetsurou was joking but it still made him wonder - what were Tetsurou’s intentions here? Kei guessed that he didn’t have to think about it too much, considering both his position and Tetsurou’s, but it still lingered in his mind, especially so with all of those strange moments they had shared over the past day or two. It was something that Kei had to shake off, he knew that. If he didn’t, then what was going to happen between them?

Would they kiss? What purpose would _that_ serve? Tetsurou could be gone in an instant and decide to end their road trip at any point. Kei could do the same. There was nothing exactly keeping them both together, and honestly, their time together had an expiration date anyway. One that they both seemed to be extending somehow... Between Tetsurou’s bold requests for activities and Kei being rather agreeable towards them, he couldn’t help but wonder what was going on here. What were they doing?

It was such an aggravating mess of thoughts to have, ones that he didn’t even need to be thinking about because what was going to happen when he met Tadashi again? His feelings for the boy were still nestled deep in his heart and well…

...Kei seriously felt like tearing his hair out. This was ridiculous…

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Kei finally asked after what felt like far too long. They had even reached their destination of the street they had been headed for. Tetsurou stopped and looked Kei in the eyes as he tilted his head curiously.

“Hm? Well, you’ve come a long way since I’ve met you and to be honest…” Tetsurou stalled and scratched his face bashfully, “...Aha, you’re pretty cool and I kind of just wanted you to like me, is all.”

Kei’s eyelids fluttered in surprise and that urge to shove Tetsurou was there again, but he decided against it that time.

“Just friends then… Right?” Kei asked despite himself. Oh God, why did he even ask that…? Tetsurou’s own eyelids fluttered in surprise that time and he took a step back.

“W-why? What were you thinking?” he asked, clearly flustered. Kei was in a no better state of mind…

“N-nothing! Idiot,” he spat, taking a step and walking past Tetsurou to get away from all of the embarrassment he didn’t want to deal with. It was then that he felt Tetsurou catch up with him and keep up with his pace.

“So does that mean we’re friends…?” he asked, sounding slightly surprised. Kei felt his face heat up at the question, and he knew that the answer was an okay thing to say in theory, but damn it was it hard for somebody like him to admit. He grunted and shoved Tetsurou away once more.

“No shit,” Kei said, and despite his harsh answer, Tetsurou’s beaming smile was there to greet him once again. He laughed.

“Well then! As my new friend, I will be sure to show you a good time tonight!” he exclaimed, putting his arm around Kei’s shoulders and finally guiding him to what seemed to be the building he wanted to get to. “Now, you head inside and I’ll be right back!”

Kei did a double take at the sudden change in subject.

“Wait, what?” he asked, but Tetsurou was already running down the street.

“Just wait for me in there! I have something I need to get!” he called as he ran, leaving Kei speechless and abandoned. At least, he realized, he had time to go over that ludicrous exchange they just had in peace. He eyed the door of the bar he was standing next to and it did seem like the most quiet out of all of the ones in the area. Sighing for what was probably the millionth time that day, Kei gave in and stepped inside.

He looked around the bar as he walked in, glasses clinking and quiet murmurs filling the air. There was a simple bar with stools up against a wall and many small tables with chairs were scattered around the main floor. A few groups of people were sitting together here and there but nobody seemed overly excited. That was good, in Kei’s opinion. There seemed to be some sort of stage being set up as well. Perhaps these people were getting ready for a show? That could be hit or miss, but Kei supposed he didn’t have much of a choice if he had to wait for Tetsurou there…

Deciding to just go with the flow, Kei walked over to the bar and ordered a drink. Something with whiskey... He wasn’t really picky but he was in the mood for something harsh to mellow out his brain for a second. If he was lucky, all of his screaming thoughts from before would simply blur together and he wouldn’t have to think about any of it, though he didn’t plan on getting that drunk, or drunk at all for that matter. Who was he? Tetsurou?

Kei felt slightly dumb for smirking at his own joke as he sat down at one of the empty tables, facing the stage. There was nobody around to judge him though so he thought it was acceptable. That was until a familiar voice caught his attention.

“Kei Tsukishima?” it asked, bright and lively and surprisingly feminine. It took Kei off guard to hear his name being spoken in such a tone, so he immediately turned his head to see the smiling girl before him, blonde and wearing a far more elegant dress than this bar deserved.

“Hitoka! What are you doing here?” Kei asked as he rose to his feet to greet her.

“A friend of mine is getting married and a few of us decided to take a road trip for her bachelorette party!” she explained happily, immediately taking a seat next to Kei and gesturing that he sit back down as well. “Aha, well, I’m actually a little lost at the moment. We got separated about an hour ago outside of a dance club and I’ve yet to hear back from them…” she continued as she checked her phone. She looked up at Kei and giggled sheepishly.

“You, at a dance club?” was Kei’s only question, a small amused smile curving at his lips. “That doesn’t sound quite right to me.”

“Well, you’re right, it’s not really me, haha. Which is why I decided to wait here until they come find me. I’m a little relieved to be honest…” Hitoka said, still looking just a touch nervous, though she had always been that way. “Plus I got to see you again which is a one in a million chance! How long has it been?”

“Since college graduation so, too long I think,” Kei said, a rare bit of sincerity coming from him, but that was a given. Hitoka had the power to bring out the best in everybody around her, so it was only natural that they slipped back into their dynamic from back in the day. It felt nice seeing such a familiar and friendly face.

“Absolutely!” Hitoka agreed, her bright smile suddenly slipping into a more sympathetic arch. “I um… heard about you and Tadashi…”

Had it been any other day in the past month, Kei would have probably got up and left at those words, but he had since become able to withstand them and he swallowed back his courage for the inevitable discussion.

“You don’t look particularly surprised,” he pointed out, not surprised himself really. He had been so wrapped up in his relationship while he was in the thick of it that everybody seemed to predict their downfall way before he had. He was used to it by now.

Hitoka shook her head, offering up a sympathetic smile.

“It’s just that… He used to call me about it a lot, you know?”

“What?” Kei was most definitely surprised over that one. That was news to him.

“Eh? Ah… I guess he wouldn’t have told you. He was always really worried about things. ‘Hitoka, am I doing the right thing?’, ‘what if I can just get used to it?’, ‘people can do that right?’... I uh, I’m sorry I couldn’t actually say yes, Kei…” Hitoka looked away, looking uncomfortable. Kei sighed.

“Well it’s not your fault. You could only be honest with him. It’s not like _I_ could have been…” Kei muttered a bit darkly. Hitoka looked at him again.

“Kei…” she said sadly, but Kei simply shook his head.

“No, it’s okay. Oddly enough I’ve uh… I’ve worked through the brunt of it already.”

“But you miss him, don’t you?” Hitoka asked, her voice small. Kei didn’t know why but he found himself laughing at the question, short and dry.

“I do…” he replied and then met Hitoka’s gaze, “...But that’s stupid right? Why should I?”

Hitoka’s eyes widened slightly.

“Because he misses you too,” she said.

Kei’s mouth opened to form a word, but it had been instantly sucked away. There was no denying that Hitoka was right. He knew that. He hadn’t been friends with Tadashi since they were kids and gained nothing. He knew him inside and out and despite blinding romantic feelings, he still knew how Tadashi felt about their friendship without even having to ask. It was important. They were important to each other…

“I just don’t know how I could face him, Hitoka,” Kei spoke honestly. “Between what he did and what _I_ did, there’s just… it’s hard.”

“Maybe for a while, Kei, but you have to go home eventually, right?”

“I’ll deal with it then.”

“That’s fine, but can I at least call Tadashi and tell him where you are? He deserves to know you’re okay. Physically, at least.”

Kei paused to think about it. He thought about the call Tetsurou had intercepted and thought about his family as well and came to the conclusion that Hitoka was right yet again.

“If you want, I don’t mind.”

“Thanks. I’ll do it first thing in the morning.”

“No, thank you. I don’t plan on spending that much time out here, but you doing that will take the pressure off.”

“What about work? Don’t you have a job to get back to?”

“I was between contracts when I decided to take off so no,” Kei explained, and with that, Hitoka finally seemed less concerned and back to her happy self.

“That’s good. So, that brings me to a more fun question then - what are you doing out here? Haha~” Hitoka asked with a giggle. Kei smiled despite himself as he slumped his weight against the table.

“Ha! If only I knew the answer to that one,” he said. Hitoka tilted her head in confusion.

“Huh?”

“I came in here to wait for somebody but I’m starting to think I should just leave him behind.”

“Are you travelling with someone?”

“It wasn’t the plan, but yeah.”

Hitoka looked at Kei with a funny expression, wide eyes and eager lips like she was trying to hold back a smile.

“Kei… You wouldn’t be trying to hide a new friend from me, would you?” she teased. Kei nearly spat his sip back into the glass he was drinking from.

“I’m not! And he’s not-” Kei paused, knowing full well what they had already established before Tetsurou had left him at the bar. They were certainly friends, though the prospect made his face hot for no reason. He tried to hide behind his hand, but Hitoka tilted her head relentlessly to get a full view of Kei’s rosy cheeks.

“Not what?” she asked. Kei scoffed.

“Tch. Look, I don’t really want to talk about it, okay? It’s complicated.”

“And why do things have to be complicated? If I’m reading this correctly… You’ve been having some fun on the road with a new friend!” she exclaimed. There was no double entendre to be found in her tone, but the words alone made Kei snap backwards.

“Absolutely not,” he said quickly, but Hitoka’s giggle indicated that she had just found out something lovely.

“I wasn’t implying anything!” she said, raising her hands in defense. Kei then realized that he had read her completely wrong and he hung his head over his glass in shame. He felt the gentle rub of a hand over his back, Hitoka comforting him the only way she knew how. “Unless you’re implying something?” she asked, hesitantly.

“I said it was complicated…” Kei reiterated at the glass, not bothering to lift his head.

“Now I understand…” Hitoka said in a soothing voice. “You have a new crush?”

Kei wanted to crawl into a hole. _No._ No way did he have a-

He sighed out his response and nodded his head. There was never a point in lying to Hitoka.

“Aah!” Hitoka squeaked and Kei saw her bounce happily in her chair at the corner of his eye. It finally made him look up at her, his expression tired and defeated. Hitoka’s was quite the opposite. “Kei, do you not understand how great that is?” she asked. Kei looked off to the side, possibly in search of an answer but he didn’t really find one.

“No. I feel guilty. It’s really not that great.”

“It’s because of your feelings for Tadashi. I know. But Kei, if your heart is finding the space to hold onto something new, wouldn’t it be fair to let your mind try it out too?”

“I don’t really get what you mean…”

Kei’s gaze began to drift around the bar as Hitoka settled in for her speech. There was quite a crowd beginning to show up, and filling out all the seats. Was the band about to start or something?

“You deserve to happy, Kei. I’m certain Tadashi wouldn’t want you to pass up the chance either if it came.”

And maybe that was true. Tadashi had always been Kei’s support system, and he could practically see the excited smile on his face if Kei had told him he had a crush on somebody, and for the first time in what felt like forever, Kei had a happy flutter in his stomach over the thought. The thought of having Tadashi as his best friend. Romantic feelings aside, he was pretty sure that’s what he missed the most and suddenly, everything that Hitoka had been saying made perfect sense...

...That is until a warbly techno stomp began to play and a familiar piano riff chimed through the bar. Attention earned, Kei and Hitoka both looked over at the stage to see a leather clad man with slicked back hair behind the mic. When he turned around, Kei was made very aware of where Tetsurou had been this whole time, and like his sudden epiphany a mere second ago, it was as if the spotlight was showing him the way at just the right time…

 

 

“ _It’s been a long time since I came around, been a long time but I’m back in town~ This time I’m not leaving without you…_ ”

 

 

This was no poor Billie Joe Armstrong impersonation like it had been in the car. Kei was stunned over the raw power in Tetsurou’s voice when he actually put effort into his singing. He sounded ridiculously good, and the whole image of his rocker jacket and leather pants combined with his powerful voice was enough to make Kei nearly spit out his drink.

 

 

_Holy shit…_

“ _You taste like whiskey when you kiss me, oh~ I’d give anything again to be your baby doll. This time I'm not leaving without you…_ ” Tetsurou sang as he kicked the mic stand forward, grabbing it in his hands and bending charismatically towards the eager crowd.

“ _He said, sit back down where you belong. In the corner of my bar with your high heels on… Sit back down on the couch where we made love the first time, and you said to me-_ ” It was as if Tetsurou had found Kei’s eyes through the darkness and pierced him with the distant point of his finger. Kei swallowed as Tetsurou belted the chorus.

“ _Somethin', somethin' about this place… Somethin', 'bout lonely nights and my lipstick on your face… Somethin', somethin' about my cool Nebraska guy~ Yeah something about, baby, you and I~_ ”

Tetsurou swiped the mic off the stand, getting more into it as he jumped off the stage and made his way through the crowd, stopping at tables and singing lines at the excited people who sat at them.

“ _It's been two years since I let you go-_ ” delivered with a wink to a cute girl at the table, “ _I couldn't listen to a joke or rock 'n' roll-_ ” sung to a man hooting and slapping his hand on the table with joy, “ _Muscle cars drove a truck right through my heart~_ ”

Kei continued to stare, his jaw just hanging open at that point. He couldn’t even break his line of sight when he felt Hitoka pull at his shirt sleeve.

“Do you know that punk who’s singing or something?” she whispered, her small voice a little alarmed, but Kei had no answer, merely taken away by the powerful note Tetsurou hit at the end of the verse, as he stood in the middle of the crowd. He swayed over to the other side of the room to work the crowd over there with the next bridge.

What was… What was the strange feeling Kei felt burning away in his chest? A smooth note and charming smile… The tightest leather pants Kei thought he had ever seen, and just the sheer raw appeal of Tetsurou’s singing was making his heart race. He could hear the utterance of Hitoka’s questions next to him, but he could barely make them out. Honestly, he wasn’t even paying attention to the lyrics either because just the sight of Tetsurou was making his mouth dry.

 _This…_ This was the dumbest thing.

Tetsurou continued to make his rounds, from table to table, getting the crowd pumped all the more until he reached his grand belting finale.

“ _You and I... You, you and I… You, you and I, you, you and I. Nebraskaaa! I'd rather die! Without you and I~_ ”

As Tetsurou’s voice smoothed out into the note, his eyes opened and immediately fell onto Kei. The blond flinched and watched with wide eyes as Tetsurou stepped over to him, singing the soft, last line of the song.

“ _It's been a long time since I came around, been a long time but I'm back in town. And this time I'm not leaving without you~_ ” and finally, at the last lyric, Tetsurou propped his foot up on the table and sang it directly at Kei. The eye contact alone was enough to make Kei crawl out of his skin in embarrassment, but his body decided to sink itself in the chair as Kei hid his face behind his hand, cheeks red as beets.

The crowd went wild and Tetsurou struck a pose for them. Another man with a mic suddenly came over and wrapped his arm around Tetsurou, taking him back to the stage.

“That was Tetsurou Kuroo, ladies and gentlemen! Wasn’t he amazing? A contest favourite, back and better than ever! Give him another hand!”

The crowd clapped wildly again and Tetsurou was sheepishly rubbing the back of his head. As if he hadn’t just showboated around the room for five minutes. He had no right to be cool and cute all at the same time and Kei was infuriated at the combination. Also angered over the fact that he had thought that in the first place. Why had Hitoka brought that out in the open?

Tetsurou gave his final bow and then stepped over to the table, making way for the next performer. He waved an envelope at Kei as he plopped down on the chair.

“Fife hundred bucks, just like that. What do you think? Impressed?” he asked, kicking back casually in the chair and smiling smugly.

“What the fuck?” Kei asked, honestly shocked that it was that easy. “How on earth did you do that?”

Tetsurou was attempting to get away with being mysterious again but Kei made sure to turn up the heat of his glare to scare it out of him. It seemed to work because Tetsurou laughed nervously before caving.

“Okay, there was a pretty bad storm happening when I came through here last and it damaged a lot of buildings on this street so, I decided to help rebuild stuff while I was here. The owner of the buildings couldn’t repay me at the time, which was fine of course, but he promised he’d have something for me if I ever came back. Though, he insisted I’d have to be the hype-man for his karaoke contest one more time, haha!” Tetsurou explained. Kei just couldn’t believe this guy.

“Sure, but what about that outfit, that…” Kei tried to gesture to the whole thing, but the way Tetsurou had his leg crossed was making every tight crease of the pants very distracting and Kei wasn’t sure he even _had_ the words for all the feelings _that_ stirred up.

“Oh! I made friends with the strippers at the club at the end of the street back then too. I knew one of them had to have a nice stage outfit, so I asked when I went to say hi earlier. What do you think? Pretty cool, yeah?” Tetsurou explained as he held out the flaps of his jacket to show it off, like it was the most natural thing in the world. Hitoka suddenly made a squeak next to them and Kei finally looked over to see her holding back that knowing smile again. Kei wanted to glare at her to keep quiet but Tetsurou was already moving in.

“Hey! I didn’t see you there!” Tetsurou exclaimed, as friendly as could be. “Kei, who’s your friend? She’s as cute as you are!”

“I’m going to kill you,” Kei muttered. Tetsurou flinched and Hitoka laughed through her embarrassment, waving Tetsurou off.

“I’m Hitoka Yachi, Kei’s friend from college,” she greeted, about to hold out her hand to shake Tetsurou’s but then she remembered the comment she made in the middle of the show earlier and pulled back. She sprung to her feet and quickly ducked her head in a bow so low, it hit the table. “Ah! I’m sorry I called you a punk while you were singing! I had no idea you were Kei’s new friend. You’re very kind! Please forgive me. I’m always doing this!” she lamented. Tetsurou blinked, confused at the scene but all Kei could do was shrug.

“She _is_ always doing this,” Kei agreed. Hitoka looked up nervously from her bow and Tetsurou could only laugh.

“Ha ha! It’s the hair, isn’t it?” he asked. Hitoka nodded weakly. Tetsurou turned to Kei. “I’m not sure if I should be hurt or amused.”

“That hair is your life, it’s better to just laugh it off,” Kei deadpanned. Tetsurou put his hand to his heart in mock hurt and as Hitoka glanced between the both of them, she couldn’t help but smile. Noticing this, Kei gave her a look and she sputtered back into her chair, sitting normally.

“Ha ha! Ah… Your hair looks nice, though!” she assured. Tetsurou looked touched. Kei grunted before smirking it off.

“Hitoka, don’t inflate his ego. That hair is the only thing that keeps it in check.”

“Now, now! Don’t be jealous of your friend’s excellent taste,” Tetsurou teased and Hitoka giggled. Tetsurou got up from his chair and walked over to her, gallantly and theatrically bowing.

“Miss, may I interest you in a round of karaoke?” he asked, his grin at its most charming. Hitoka looked over at Kei, silently asking if that was alright. Kei was glaring but he wasn’t actually mad, just kind of overwhelmed over the ridiculousness of the situation. He sighed and rolled his eyes, waving his hand as if to tell them to go. Tetsurou then gently took Hitoka’s wrist in his hand and pulled her over to the song book to pick something out. Something silly, Kei was sure...

There was a certain glee and excitement in the pit of his belly while he watched his old friend and his new friend hit it off and have fun together. He glanced over to the side, noticing the empty chair and realized what other feeling was swirling around inside with the rest.

He really missed Tadashi in that moment.

He didn’t miss his touch or his kiss, but just his presence. His friendly laugh or quiet joke. He used to go out with him and Hitoka to places like this all the time in college. He never liked bars all that much, but he and Tadashi used to sit in the corner and crack jokes about the crowd before them. He always looked forward to it. It was amusing to just exchange comments on the people dancing or singing, but as he looked up at the stage to see Hitoka and Tetsurou about to perform, he realized that he was starting to fall for one of those losers out on the floor, and that blew his mind…

He hadn’t fallen out of love yet, more like he was hanging in limbo; a strange mix between past and present twisting and causing confusion. He wasn’t sure when he would work it out, but he had already come this far and that was much more than he thought he was capable of. If he had told himself he would have been smirking at Tetsurou on a karaoke stage, warding off second hand embarrassment as he sung Lady Gaga songs with one of his best friends, he would have wondered what strange alternate reality he had crawled out of.

Slowly, Kei could feel his mind opening up. It was only the slightest of cracks, but the thought had definitely crept in. He didn’t want to pursue anything, but he supposed the idea was a harmless bit of help to ease him. Kei assumed anything more than that would surely be dangerous for the both of them and all he really wanted was to get through the rest of their trip in peace...

 

+++

 

Tetsurou had done most of the singing. No matter how friendly Hitoka was, she was ultimately still very shy, even as an adult. She had come a long way since college though and Kei appreciated that fact to ground himself back in reality. The duo didn’t win a prize, but Hitoka’s embarrassment and Tetsurou’s smile made it all worth it.

“...But definitely! If I’m ever in town, I’ll give you a shout!” Tetsurou said, happily saving Hitoka’s email address in his phone. Hitoka saved Tetsurou’s as well and Kei tried to ignore that urge bubbling deep down that made him want to ask for it too. His pride would never allow him the option though…

“Absolutely! And I’ll do the same if I’m ever in NYC!” Hitoka explained. They were standing outside of the karaoke bar, the night air getting chillier by the second. Kei noticed Tetsurou shifting from one leg to another in a small dance to gather more heat and he could tell that Hitoka wasn’t all that comfortable with the cool air either.

“Hitoka, did you manage to find out where your friends are?” Kei asked. Hitoka nodded.

“Yeah! They just texted me and told me that they’re waiting down the street,” she replied.

“Want me to walk you down there?” Kei offered.

“Sure thing! I should be going now anyway,” Hitoka said as she double checked her person and then turned to start leaving. “Ah! It was really nice meeting you, Tetsurou!” she exclaimed before she forgot. Tetsurou smiled.

“It was a pleasure, Hitoka!” Tetsurou exclaimed back. Kei smirked at their exchange and began walking Hitoka down the street before turning back to Tetsurou.

“Wait for me by the car, okay?” he said. Tetsurou’s smiled seemed warmer than usual as he gave Kei a gentle ‘yeah’ before letting the two get back to their walk.

“So,” Hitoka spoke up once Tetsurou was out of earshot, “your new friend is really cool!”

Kei nearly choked on his laugh.

“ _Tetsurou?_ _Cool?_ I think you’re sorely mistaken, Hitoka,” he said.

“Really? I don’t have any reason to think otherwise. He’s kind and sings well and seems like a lot of fun!”

“Pft! That guy dragged me to a Dinomorphs convention just a few days go. He’s probably the biggest loser I’ve ever met,” Kei said but Hitoka could only snort at that.

“He managed to drag you to a convention hall? And the Dinomorphs? Kei… I think he’s found out exactly how to get you to do his bidding, ha ha! Sounds pretty cool to me~” she sing-songed, skipping forward just to make a point. She turned around and stopped in front of Kei at just the right moment to see his red cheeks in the street light.

“You’re… You’re crazy,” was all he could say.

“You thought he was pretty cool tonight too, didn’t you?”

“Tch.”

“Honestly, I couldn’t believe how easily you chatted with him, it was like you two had known each other for years. I was surprised because that was never like you but I guess… I guess sometimes things just click, huh?”

Kei really wanted to tell Hitoka to stop talking because with each thing she pointed out, his stomach just kept twisting and flopping around. She was right… Everything she said had hit the nail on the head. He clenched his teeth and averted his gaze, but Hitoka’s hand on his arm eased the tension in his body. He looked at her.

“You don’t have to be scared, Kei. I just want you to understand that it’s okay to try something new. Learn a bit, figure it out.”

Kei understood what Hitoka was saying but his heart was still unsure, and he couldn’t tell when that would change. She still set off a bunch of sparks in his mind, however and he knew those wouldn’t die down for a while. God, he hated this…

“I’ll call your family and Tadashi tomorrow, okay? I’ll tell them that you still have some stuff to figure out so, take your time out here. And please take care!”

Kei gazed at Hitoka, all her words sinking in and glazing his mind. Despite his shaky thoughts, it was still nice to have that familiar support. It made him feel as though things would eventually be back to normal even though he wasn’t ready for it, nor did he comprehend what his new normal would be after all this…

“You’re embarrassing,” Kei said, giving Hitoka a smirk, “but thank you, Hitoka.”

Hitoka’s smile was warm as she squeezed at Kei’s arm.

“Anytime! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I should go meet up with my friends. I’ll be fine from here,” she said.

“You sure?”

“Yeah! Besides, you shouldn’t let Tetsurou waiting. It’s chilly tonight!” she teased, quickly stepping away and giggling before Kei had the chance to respond. Not that he really wanted to, it was always nice to see Hitoka have so much fun and she meant well so he simply took it and waved his goodbye…

 

+++

 

It didn’t take long for Kei to get back to the car. He found himself taking a deep breath when he saw Tetsurou in the distance, but he powered through and finally met up with the man leaning against his car. He was hugging his jacket around himself.

“Please let me in, I’m growing icicles here!” he cried. Kei gave him a flat look.

“You’re the one wearing a leather jacket and _you’re_ freezing?” he asked, lifting a brow.

“Shut up! It was really warm in the bar and now I’m cold, I-”

“Okay, okay. Keep your pants on,” Kei interrupted while unlocking the doors.

“Like hell!” Tetsurou exclaimed as he dove into the backseat and immediately started to wriggle out of said garment. Kei watched in horror through the back door as this took place before he could even get in the car.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“Do you have any idea how uncomfortable these pants are?” he said, flailing to and fro in the backseat as he struggled with the pants. Kei couldn’t help it… A snort escaped his throat. Any inappropriate thought he may have had over those pants had completely evaporated.

“I can’t believe Hitoka thought you were cool,” he said. Tetsurou stopped abruptly and laid back, defeated and with the pants just stuck around his thighs.

“This isn’t my best moment, I’ll admit…” he said flatly but then he seemed to realize something. He looked up at Kei and smirked. “You and Hitoka were talking about me?” he asked smugly. Kei rolled his eyes and closed the door, hitting Tetsurou’s toes. He heard a muffled _‘ow’_ before climbing into the passenger’s seat.

“I only told her how big of a loser you are so I wouldn’t feel flattered,” Kei lied slightly, omitting most of the details that were too embarrassing to acknowledge.

“Oh yeah? Did you tell her about your cardboard Dinomorphs helmet I saw you stash away in the trunk instead of throwing away?”

“Idiot. You spent a ton of money on those costumes, I wasn’t about to throw them away,” Kei said, twisting around the seat to look at Tetsurou. He watched as the man in question shifted to his side, propping his head up on his hand and laying far too casually for somebody who was still stuck in a pair of pants.

“Okay, I won’t argue,” he chuckled softly and the tone put Kei more at ease. “So what did you think of my singing?” he went on to ask, a hint of gloating already in his voice. It brought Kei out of the moment he was falling into and back to reality, gifted with an opportunity to tease that he was sure Tetsurou brought on willingly but Kei couldn’t pass up the offer. It was kind of the rhythm they had fallen into…

“I didn’t know your knowledge of the Lady Gaga repertoire was so vast,” he said. Tetsurou chuckled.

“Hey! That woman is a queen and her music deserves to be sung with love,” he stated as if it were a fact. Kei shrugged. He couldn’t exactly argue that her songs were some of the only things he didn’t shut off when they came on the radio. “Why don’t we buy her CD for the rest of the trip!”

Kei immediately pointed an accusing finger at Tetsurou.

“You’re not allowed to buy anything other than food until you’re home,” he said sternly. Tetsurou’s cheshire grin curled up at full force.

“Yes, mom,” he said.

“Tch. Don’t call me that,”

“Hey mom, do we have any blankets? It’s freezing in here.”

“Call me that again and you’re sleeping outside. Also no, I don’t…”

“Ugh, really? Do you want to find a motel or something, then?”

“Not really. I’m too tired for that right now.”

“I guess that’s fair…” Tetsurou said distantly. Kei figured the conversation was over at that point and he was glad because he had been able to dodge all the embarrassing things that had gone through his head that night. He could just tuck them all away and forget about them and pretend they had never been once they woke up in the morning… But then Tetsurou spoke up again. “You wanna huddle back here with me? It would be warmer,” he offered.

Kei’s stomach flopped at the request. What on earth was this guy trying to do?

“I am _not_ sleeping in the back seat with you,” Kei said firmly.

“Aw, please?” Tetsurou pleaded. “It’s cooold!”

"Too bad! And could you at least finish changing out of those pants? You look stupid.”

“That’s a difficult thing to do…” Tetsurou said flatly, still no courage within him to keep fighting with the piece of clothing.

“You’re the worst.”

“Nope, just the chilliest. I swear I’ll literally be the best body pillow,” he joked. “Just think of it as a more conscious snuggle than before. That’s better right?”

 _Was_ that better? There was a difference between being desperate for comfort and willingly going into the backseat for a cuddle, but, was that second one really so bad? Surely it was less pathetic than the first situation but Kei was really unsure and it seemed as though Tetsurou kept pushing his luck with him.

When he thought about that though, he wondered what Tetsurou was even trying to pull here? Had he been giving off some sort of signals lately? Of course he was, that wasn’t even a question Kei had to ask himself. He was a confused mess but he knew he had a crush and he was certain his body language had let that spill out into the open at many points, especially that day. But, what did Tetsurou think about that? The way the man was acting made Kei realize he had some sort of interest but…

Was he even ready for that…?

“What do you expect from me?” Kei asked, not looking into the back seat anymore. He heard Tetsurou sit up.

“What? Nothing! I was just… I thought… I was only playing around?” Tetsurou stammered due to Kei’s abrupt question and he didn’t even seem sure of his answer but that only aggravated Kei more.

“Then why do you keep doing that? Teasing me and asking to cuddle and just… What the hell does that mean?” he asked, finally getting the courage to look back and face Tetsurou directly. The man was frozen in place for a minute, simply reading Kei’s face and then he sighed through a smile. He relaxed back in the seat, body stretched as far as the seat would allow and he folded his arms.

“It just means I’m an idiot,” he said, shifting his eyes just enough so that they locked with Kei’s and that look probably spoke more about what Tetsurou was thinking than any words he could have said. Kei swallowed and he felt his heart pound. Hitoka’s voice echoed in his mind, that maybe giving himself the chance to try something new was okay even though he was still uneasy and just a touch nervous.

There was something vulnerable in Tetsurou’s eyes that felt inviting, something unspoken that made Kei feel like they felt something similar, understood something mutual…

Tetsurou jumped in surprise when Kei began to climb over into the back and he could feel Tetsurou’s body tense up when he climbed over him, causing Tetsurou to lay flat once again.

“If it’s any consolation,” Kei said as he leaned in, laying himself on top of Tetsurou and resting his head on his chest, “I don’t know what I’m doing either.”

Tetsurou was quiet and Kei just sort of laid dumbly, his legs bent awkwardly and not knowing what to do with his hands. Another moment or two passed before Kei finally felt Tetsurou hesitantly stir, his arms moving to hold Kei against him and shift them into a better position.

“Here, at least get comfortable,” Tetsurou mumbled. Being so tall, neither of them could stretch out fully, but they managed to find a way to get comfortable enough. Even with Tetsurou’s silly pants problem still sticking his legs together…

Tetsurou was really stiff underneath Kei and the blond noticed that he was barely breathing on top of that, or at least, trying to hold it.

“What’s wrong?” Kei asked, unmoving himself.

“I just uh… Wasn’t expecting you to take me seriously,” he said hoarsely. Kei’s head sprung up to glare.

“Were you fucking with me?” he accused. Tetsurou looked shocked and immediately shook his head.

“No! That’s not it I just…” he tightened his grip around Kei’s waist, “...I didn’t want to push you but I-”

“Stop…” Kei stated, laying his head back down. “I don’t want to talk about it right now. I think I understand enough that… This is okay for now. Isn’t it?”

Tetsurou didn’t answer for a moment, but Kei could hear the small smile forming above him.

“It is…” he said, and slowly let his hand trail up to run his fingertips through Kei’s short locks of hair. The blond sighed softly, letting himself relax against the touch since he had put himself in that position anyway. It was nice, though. A willing bit of contact and warmth was something he didn’t know he craved, but he supposed he just had to take a step forward to realize that. “And just so you know…” Kei added.

“Hm?”

“You were actually really good on stage tonight…” Kei admitted quietly. He felt his face burn and braced himself for the teasing, but all he heard was a gentle-

“Thanks, Kei.”

That’s all he needed. Perhaps they would talk about it all in the morning but it wasn’t really important. He kind of liked his ‘right now’ and it felt good to ease his mind into something new.

Whatever _this_ was...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! And that's all! As always, please let me know what you thought! :D You can also find me on Tumblr [HERE](http://sheenaxzelos.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Song in this was "You and I" by Lady Gaga, and if you'd like a more accurate rendition of what Kuroo may have sounded like here, I'll link to this lovely cover~ [BOOP](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBSS1jSzOcM)
> 
> And for anybody who wanted to know what Kuroo and Yachi sang, it was "Edge of Glory" for sure, haha! Until next time! :D


	8. Don't Let It Go To Your Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Okay, just checking,” Kei answered, his own smirk playfully sitting on his lips. “What about your first time?”
> 
> “What. Ever? Oh my God,” Tetsurou laughed as he wiped a hand over his face in embarrassment. “Are you seriously gonna make me relive that?”
> 
> “Ha! It can’t be that bad. I’d be happy to share mine too.”

_~_

_So what if I came clean,_  
_told you all you mean to me._  
_So what if I meant every word I said  
_ _Baby, don’t let it go to your head…_

_~_

 

“It’d be cool if you had a sunroof…” Tetsurou lazily muttered, fingertips still padding against Kei’s hair. They hadn’t fallen asleep yet, due to either being too wired or too awkward. It didn’t really matter. All Kei knew was that if Tetsurou kept bringing up menial things like that, they’d never get any shuteye.

One uncomfortable dance in the backseat later, Tetsurou had finally managed to escape those pesky pants and had taken the jacket and any other spare clothes to lay over them as blankets. Kei still wasn’t quite sure what to do with himself, but Tetsurou kept doing small, gentle things to help distract him. He wasn’t sure if it was intentional or not but it helped Kei to _not_ regret his decision to go back there in the first place.

“Why…?” Kei mumbled back, a loose bit of Tetsurou’s shirt caught in his mouth accidentally. The man paid no mind, he simply pointed up, hitting his hand on the low ceiling as he did so.

“Because wouldn’t it be cool to stargaze like this?”

"No, it would be _cold_. I thought you were trying to avoid that.”

“Kei Tsukishima, ever the wet blanket,” Tetsurou sing-songed. Kei pinched his waist. “Ah!”

“Tetsurou Kuroo, ever the smart ass,” he mimicked. Tetsurou pinched him back.

“Oh, like you’re one to talk!” he exclaimed, stopping his pinch when he realized Kei was about to spring for a noogie again. “Sorry! Sorry! I forgot how ticklish you are…”

“Better be…” Kei muttered.

It was just another dumb exchange that faded off into quiet. Just when Kei thought he’d have the chance to sleep, something else would be pointed out or mentioned. It was getting to the point where Kei’s sleepiness was overcoming his ability to care and being huddled between Tetsurou and the piles of clothes was causing him to unconsciously snuggle closer. He only realized what he was doing when Tetsurou spoke up again.

“What do you want to do tomorrow, Kei?” he asked, like they were on a vacation out here or something.

“What?” Kei murmured as if he was just saved from the claws of sleep. “Don’t you want to keep going? We’ll never make it to New York if you keep making pit stops.”

“Nah… Unless you’re in a rush to get home?” Tetsurou asked casually, but even though the question was soft it made Kei’s eyes snap open.

What could he say? The truth? What was wrong with the truth? He panicked in his mind but managed to squeeze out the answer.

“N-no…” Was his quiet response. He could feel the arm Tetsurou had around him tighten its grip just a bit, and Kei’s chest ached at the subtle reaction to his answer, butterflies out of control.

“Okay,” Tetsurou said, small and happy. “How about we find a quiet road then? We can park and go for a walk in the woods or something. I know tonight was probably too loud for you.”

“It’s fine… And yeah, whatever,” Kei stubbornly agreed to the day out. He felt Tetsurou’s chest shake with a chuckle.

“We’re almost to New York anyway. May as well enjoy the time out here while we have it…”

Kei wanted to ask so badly why. Why did Tetsurou want to extend their trip so much? It was still something he was nervous to ask about. Tetsurou didn’t seem like the type to break down like Kei had but, then again, the blond was sure _he_ didn’t look like that type on the surface either. What was Tetsurou hiding from him?

“Guess you’re right. I’m not exactly looking forward to going back yet,” Kei ended up saying.

“Still going to keep your phone off?”

“Hitoka said she’d call home for me. That should be good enough. I’m not ready to talk to anybody back there either.”

“She’s quite the friend, huh?”

“She’s always been eager to help out. Though she’s added more wisdom to her help now that she’s older. It’s kind of scary…”

“Oh yeah…?” Tetsurou asked, quite intrigued but still rather sleepy. “What did she tell you?”

“She-...” Kei was about to blurt out a confession through his tired state but quickly caught himself. He couldn’t possibly tell Tetsurou all of what she said due to what that meant admitting. Though, he _had_ crawled into the back seat of his own accord. If that didn’t speak worlds about what he was feeling then he didn’t know what did. “She told me to take my time,” Kei settled on. “That it was okay to just… Figure things out.”

“Sounds like solid advice to me. She _is_ good,” Tetsurou said. Kei could practically hear the smile in his voice.

“You’re just saying that because you don’t want to go home yet,” Kei muttered. He felt Tetsurou shake with laughter again.

“Is it that obvious?” he asked, voice thick with sarcasm. Kei lifted his head to stare daggers into Tetsurou’s eyes.

“Seriously? You’re going to get sassy with me at a time like this?” Kei asked, as if _he_ was one to talk, but Tetsurou shook his head. He smiled as he reached up to gently remove Kei’s glasses. He placed them somewhere safe without breaking eye contact.

“I’m having a lot of fun spending time with you, Kei,” he said, much more sincerely this time, his expression softening and turning shy. Kei’s vision was slightly blurred, but the sharpness of his focus on Tetsurou almost made up for that.

“Even putting up with my shit?” he asked.

“Well, it’s not like I enjoy watching you have panic attacks, but I wasn’t talking about that. You’ve… You’ve really come a long way. I just need you to know that.”

He knew. Kei’s heart jumped at being told so directly, though. He didn’t say anything.

“You smile a lot more too,” Tetsurou continued, and Kei’s heart quickened its pace. He gently swallowed back his nervousness because the tone of Tetsurou’s voice brushing past his ears drew a line of intimacy that they hadn’t really crossed yet… That they were perhaps _about_ to cross.

Kei’s breath shook ever so slightly when he felt warm and soft fingers graze gently over his cheek. They trailed along his jaw and hovered just next to his lips. A motion he would have slapped away not that long ago, but only sent pleasant shivers down his spine now…

“You have a really great smile, you know,” Tetsurou said.

This was too much, right? Too much at once. Surely Hitoka had assured him it was okay to take a chance but it was overwhelming. To think of being complimented, to think of being kissed by someone like this; somebody so kind and handsome and actually interested, but…

...It was somebody he honestly didn’t know. He knew the surface stuff of course. He knew of some superficial details, but he didn’t know anything about him that ran deeper than that. Though, Kei wasn’t sure if wanting that was more dangerous than simply being physical.

“I…” Kei choked out, which seemed to snap Tetsurou out of his daze. “I want to know more about you,” he finished with a quiet determination.

Tetsurou’s face formed a gradient of reactions in the moment afterwards. He looked surprised at first, a little bit nervous, but he soon let his eyes fall shut and smiled, nodding his understanding as he opened his eyes to look at Kei again.

“I know,” Tetsurou said, knowing full well what Kei meant. “How about we get some sleep then, I’ll answer anything you want in the morning. I’m sorry that I’ve been so… Guarded…”

_So he did know…_

“It’s fine,” Kei said, answering a bit too quickly but he didn’t want to let Tetsurou have a moment to feel insecure about his decision. It seemed to work because Tetsurou smiled warmly, a sight that prompted Kei to smile back, small but reassuring. He lifted a hand, brushed a piece of crunchy gelled hair from Tetsurou’s eye. “You talk like I haven’t done the same.”

“Pfft, _you_ being guarded is far more warranted than me, I’m just an idiot. We’ve established this,” Tetsurou said. Kei would have scolded those words if they hadn’t been said with slight amusement. Tetsurou seemed to be trying to lighten the air. Kei appreciated it.

“So even gel can’t really tame your hair, I see,” he joked, his smile turning sly. Tetsurou grabbed the piece of hair Kei had been twirling around his finger.

“Hey shut up, I tried!” he pouted. Kei simply took another piece and twirled it some more.

“Bird’s nest of product,” Kei deadpanned, which coaxed a snort out of Tetsurou’s throat and suddenly it seemed like the man had gotten all the courage in the world because he dug his fingers into Kei’s ribs, tickling him and making him thrash about.

“For God’s sake!!” Kei exclaimed, body convulsing and feet hitting the car door. “Okay, okay! Stop! I deserved this, alright!?”

“No noogie?”

“No!”

Tetsurou eased up, gently relinquishing the grip his fingers had on Kei’s lower back. The position most definitely reminding the blond about how close they were pressed together, and his panting from being tickled wasn’t helping the tense mood that sprung up between them.

Something about the mix of all those things brought out a look of hunger in Tetsurou’s expression, and Kei was certain a fleeting dirty thought or two was passing through both their minds. He was going to ignore it, shake his head and brush the whole thing off, until, of course, a look of utter panic struck Tetsurou’s face and it didn’t take Kei long to figure out why. His face was no different than Tetsurou’s. The man in question clapped a hand over his mouth to hide most of his embarrassed reaction.

“Did you just pop a-...” Kei blurted. He could feel something press against his thigh. Tetsurou interrupted him with a shake of the head. “But-...” Kei tried to continue but Tetsurou shook his head again. Kei stared in shock at Tetsurou’s equally shocked face. It had been so sudden and so ridiculous that Kei couldn’t help but start laughing harder than he probably ever had in his life, balling his fists in Tetsurou’s shirt and cracking up against his chest.

“I’m touched that my sudden boner is so amusing to you!” Tetsurou spat. Kei looked up, still happily laughing but trying to wave out a dismissal of his behavior at the same time.

“No, no! I’m sorry, it’s just… Aha…” Kei tried to find the words but found himself the slightest bit distracted by the burning in his cheeks. It was overwhelming. This whole whirlwind thing with Tetsurou was crazy and scary and shook Kei’s mind in the best ways, but somehow, Tetsurou’s situation just kind of grounded it all, broke the ice a little more. Even though Kei felt like he wasn’t totally ready to deal with something like that, it was nice to know where they stood. Kei took pride in his upper hand and smiled smugly at the man underneath him. “I didn’t know tickling was a kink of yours.”

Tetsurou’s embarrassment faded into his own smug smile when he realized what was going on here.

“Yeah, well don’t roll around on top of a guy for hours, you attractive little shit,” he said back, pinching Kei’s cheek.

“It’s not like it was intentional,” Kei laughed as he flinched at the pinch, shrugging it off with a jerk of his head. His eyes met with Tetsurou’s again as the compliment he had just heard played through his mind. Agh, he couldn’t do this. How was one supposed to deal with being so giddy? What was he supposed to do about this dumb thing?

With the way Tetsurou was smiling at him? He was probably doing enough already…

“So will you let me go to sleep now or is there gonna be a party in your tent all night?” Kei asked. Tetsurou scoffed.

“Shut up, it’ll go away. With time…”

“Hey, is that Satori out there?” Kei had never felt somebody jitter in fear so quickly.

“What the fuck!?” Tetsurou exclaimed, gaping out the dark window.

“Well, that was easy…” Kei noted, not feeling the stiffness on his leg anymore.

“Yeah, because all the blood rushed to my _heart_ , Jesus Christ…” Tetsurou said, trying to catch his breath. Kei chuckled and merely rested his head on Tetsurou’s chest again, pulling the jacket back over them to keep warm.

“Just go to sleep, Tetsurou,” Kei muttered.

“Easy for you to say…”Tetsurou muttered back.

Tetsurou held onto Kei more tightly after that. Kei couldn’t deny that it was a perk…

 

+++

 

The morning came far too quickly…

After the sluggish ordeal of waking up, Tetsurou suggested that they head over to his pal’s house to return the clothes he had borrowed and to possibly freshen up. At the house, they were greeted by a very tired, albeit quite glittery woman who just kind of grunted that they could shower before they left and that _‘it’s good to see you Tetsurou, but not so damn early next time’_. Kei had been briefly introduced but he barely registered what her name was.

“Rachel,” Tetsurou repeated as they were driving. Kei blinked at the road, squinting on a thought.

“I know, I just… I don’t understand how you managed to squeeze your ass into those pants. Those were _hers_? She was tiny as hell.”

“Hey, you saw me try to get out of them, it was an ordeal.”

“Guess so…” Kei muttered and then another thought came to mind. He hesitated before asking, wondering if it was okay to. He was simply curious… And Tetsurou _did_ say that he could ask anything… “So, did you sleep with her at some point, or?”

“Kei!” Tetsurou exclaimed in surprise. Kei laughed dryly as he spared the man a glance.

“What? You said I could ask anything today. I was only curious.”

“I thought you said you didn’t want the gritty details of my sex life.”

“I changed my mind. Unless you don’t want to talk about it…”

“No, no. I’ll play,” Tetsurou said with a smirk. “First of all, no, I didn’t sleep with Rachel. I helped fix her car when I was here last, that’s pretty much it.”

“Okay, just checking,” Kei answered, his own smirk playfully sitting on his lips. “What about your first time?”

“What. _Ever?_ Oh my God,” Tetsurou laughed as he wiped a hand over his face in embarrassment. “Are you seriously gonna make me relive that?”

“Ha! It can’t be that bad. I’d be happy to share mine too.”

“R-really? Even if-”

“It wasn’t Tadashi, if that’s what you’re thinking. I kind of want to avoid that topic altogether if you don’t mind.”

“That’s fair. Well! If that’s the case, let me tell you a tale about my first high school girlfriend…”

...And it was a tale of love, loss and teenage hormones that culminated in a _very_ awkward sounding first time with a _very_ angry girl. The story lasted for more than an hour, by the end of which Kei was thoroughly exhausted…

“Shit, I’d die before I’d experience high school again. You put up with all that?”

“I was young! And in love… And she was cute as hell, can you blame me?”

“I guess not. I can’t exactly relate though, what with dealing with the whole gay thing and all that.”

“Guess your time in high school was pretty different than mine, then,” Tetsurou said as he rubbed the back of his head. “I didn’t realize I was into guys too until college and by then it was pretty easy to just dive into it. People don’t really bat an eye at the _‘experiment going on in the corner’_ ,” he air quoted.

“What’s that all about?”

Tetsurou sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“It brings me to my next story - Chase Miller,” he announced, moving his arms through the air like he was presenting an invisible painting.

“Oh jeeze…” Kei braced himself for the journey.

Tetsurou’s second story sounded even more exhausting than the last. Apparently it was both their first time doing anything with a guy and this Chase character got really defensive about identifying as bisexual after the fact. Tetsurou had no problem with his own identity once he realized it, but Chase was a different story. Scared by Tetsurou’s feelings, the guy had started a ton of nasty rumors about him…

“Seriously?” Kei asked, sounding disgusted.

“Yeah, mostly that I slept around with everybody. Nobody on campus really took me seriously after that fiasco so I just stopped trying in the end.” Tetsurou explained, though he didn’t sound sad about it, he only shrugged. Kei supposed it had been so long now that whatever wound it had caused at the time was now closed.

“That’s probably one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard. And all because you slept with one stupid guy?”

“More or less!” Tetsurou exclaimed.

Kei didn’t know why Tetsurou’s stories were making his stomach twist. He felt bad… Sympathetic? _Something_ that made him feel somewhat closer to his passenger at least. It was strange…

“Well, what about after that?”

“After that…” Tetsurou mused, looking vacantly out the window as he thought. Kei glanced over, catching a small smile on Tetsurou’s face. He seemed to notice Kei looking at him so he shook his head to snap himself out of his daze. “It was hard to put my heart into dating anybody after that.”

“Because of that asshole?”

“No, not that,” Tetsurou quickly corrected. “Just, other things came up…”

It was there again, that touchy subject that Kei hadn’t dared to discuss. Tetsurou only got like that when Kei asked him why he was out here or the time Bokuto had mentioned…

“Things like… Kenma?” Kei boldly asked, not really knowing why he blurted out his thoughts like that, but it was worth a shot. If anything, he could simply support Tetsurou the way he had done during his _own_ panic attacks. He glanced over again to make sure he didn’t have to pull over, but all he saw was Tetsurou’s tiny smile, a touch of sadness and fondness all mixed into one.

“Yeah… Things like Kenma,” he confirmed. “I can’t believe you remember the name, Bokuto only mentioned him once, ha ha…” he added, his chuckle not sounding convincing at all.

Kei felt like he understood what that meant, but he also knew that Tetsurou had been flirting with him since they met. Something wasn’t quite adding up.

“Did you two date or…?”

“No, never anything like that with Kenma. We’ve been friends since we were kids but…” Tetsurou took a shaky breath and Kei noticed the tell tale sign instantly.

“Hey,” Kei said, his voice surprisingly soft as he started to pull over and finally stopping in the gravel on side of the road. He gave Tetsurou his full attention and Tetsurou… Well, he had never looked more surprised. “I’m sorry if I hit a nerve,” Kei confessed. Tetsurou cocked an eyebrow and chuckled gently.

“Is that why you pulled over?” he asked. Kei was confused.

“Well yeah, I mean I thought… I thought maybe you had a similar situation to me and I just wanted to make sure that you…” Kei forcefully tried to explain, but Tetsurou just kept smiling and it was really distracting.

“You’re so sweet, Kei,” he said, warm and genuine and taking Kei completely off guard. His face burned and he was certain his blush was visible almost instantly.

“W-what the hell,” he murmured, voice cracking just a bit. “You’ve done a lot to help me. Why can’t I do the same?” he said defensively.

“You can,” Tetsurou assured. “You _are_ ,” he added definitely. He paused for a moment before looking out the window. “Sorry I got a bit introspective. I just worry about him a lot when he crosses my mind, you know? I’ll introduce you to him when we get to New York. He already knows what you look like anyway!” Tetsurou smiled, one of his broad happy ones that Kei really liked, though it was peppered with that new information that made his eye twitch.

“What?” he asked.

“I’ve been sending him pictures of our adventures,” he explained, looking far more amused now, especially since Kei was scowling at him. Tetsurou got out his phone and started scrolling through something. “He said you’re quite the looker.”

Kei’s expression fell flat. He didn’t know Kenma but he knew he hadn’t said _that_.

“Shut up. What did he _actually_ say?” he demanded. Tetsurou shrugged and sighed in defeat.

“He said… _‘He looks like your type, just be sure he’s nice to you this time’_ ,” he read, turning the phone soon after so that Kei could confirm for himself. It was definitely true, written there plain as day. Kei was speechless.

Tetsurou took his phone back and looked through it again. “He’s just looking out for me. I have a bad track record in case you haven’t noticed.”

Kei was certain now that when Tetsurou had called himself an idiot last night, it was because of him. Because _he_ was the embodiment of broken and confused and they hadn’t stopped flirting with each other for days. This dumb thing that Kei was struggling with was something Tetsurou was struggling with too, even if it was for different reasons.

Kei wasn’t sure what to say at all. They had to discuss this, didn’t they? This dance they were doing needed to stop. Kei looked up and out the window, taking note of the thick trees that hugged the road. Now was as good a time as any, he supposed…

“Let’s go for that walk,” he said simply.

Tetsurou looked a bit confused but Kei didn’t let him be for long.

“You wanted to go for a walk, remember? These woods look fine enough to me. Besides, I think we both need to clear our heads.”

Tetsurou stared for another moment before smiling and giving a tiny nod. He understood…

 

+++

 

“My first time was in high school too,” Kei said after a few minutes of walking in silence, the damp air clinging to his skin. Kei needed to do something to ease the tension. He knew that Tetsurou wasn’t really comfortable with the subject of Kenma and he also wasn’t exactly sure what Tetsurou was thinking, but he knew there was a wall between them he had to break down again.

“Oh really?” Tetsurou asked, happily latching on to the bait. They stopped for him to make a mark in a tree with a rock he had picked up, marking their path so that they wouldn’t get lost.

“Mmhm,” Kei confirmed, leaning against the tree Tetsurou was marking. “Let’s just say neither of us knew what we were doing and there was a lot of blood.”

Tetsurou snapped his head up in horror.

“Don’t worry, it’s not what you think,” Kei assured. “I’m sure you’ve seen some overly enthusiastic porn in your time? Well, this guy definitely had, and he was trying to do this weird no-hands move to impress me or something and got tangled in some sheets and fell. He hit his head on a nightstand is what I’m trying to say.”

Tetsurou blinked and then snorted back a laugh.

“Oh God, what a loser,” he snickered. Kei let out a single dry laugh.

“You don’t have to tell me. I mean, I was worried at the time but then his parents walked in and guess who got the blame?” Kei explained, pointing to himself. Tetsurou finished his mark and began walking again. Kei followed.

“Gross, don’t tell me his parents were homophobic?”

“Pft, no. They were really excited for him actually, but they didn’t exactly trust me with their son after that. No matter how much he explained it to them.”

“So they teased you about it.”

“Yes,” Kei said frankly. Tetsurou only laughed.

“So what happened with that guy? Did you try to date him?”

“No, I mean, _he_ tried but well…” Kei vaguely waved his hand in the air.

“Tadashi?”

“My, Tetsurou, you know me too well,” Kei said sarcastically. Tetsurou snorted and gave him a shove, but Kei bounced back quickly, not really taking notice that he was walking closer to Tetsurou than he had been before.

“How are you doing with that now, anyway?” Tetsurou asked gently. Kei sighed.

“I don’t know… I miss him but I… I’m also…” Kei chanced a glance over at Tetsurou who was only giving him an expectant smile. Kei grunted. “I’m also not good at this…” he mumbled.

Kei felt the back of Tetsurou’s hand brush against his own and it startled him a bit. Had that been intentional? Kei didn’t have to wait too long to find out the answer when it happened again and soon, he felt Tetsurou’s fingers walking themselves in his palm until finally…

“It’s not like you have to be,” Tetsurou said, holding Kei’s hand like it was the easiest thing in the world. “Is this okay?” he asked with a squeeze, addressing the hand holding directly. Kei felt his cheeks burn and all he could do was look down to where they were linked.

“Y-yeah…” he said, and then he gently gripped back.

“You can say if it’s not. I don’t mind, I just… Aha, I get kind of enthusiastic when I like people so I probably come on too strong. And I know you’re working out a lot in your head so just, push me if you hate this…”

“Y-you like me…?”

“What? Like the boner wasn’t indication enough?”

Kei snorted.

“No, no. I got that,” he said. A moment where nothing but the crunching earth beneath their feet could be heard, passed them by. Kei wasn’t quite sure what to say. Tetsurou’s feelings had never been more straightforward.

“You don’t have to do anything. If all you want to do is hold hands, then that’s fine with me. Or even just being buds is fine, no touching at all! Just… It doesn’t have to be complicated, this thing between you and me. While we’re out here, we can be anything we want to be with each other…”

Kei listened and understood very well what Tetsurou meant. It was a strange concept to wrap his head around, having been so devoted to somebody for so long that something casual felt very foreign. However, Hitoka and Tetsurou were both right. Nothing had to be complicated and if he wanted to do something, the option was there. Tetsurou had given him the ball and it was up to him to make the play.

“Just…” Kei started, “...Do me a favor and don’t be doing this because you think it’ll help me. I don’t need this kind of help and you should give yourself more credit than that. You’re not a proxy, you’re… You’re a guy someone could really fall in love with, and I don’t think you even realize it.”

Kei felt his stomach twist and dip at his own words. He wasn’t making any promises on his part, but he really did believe what he was saying and he looked at Tetsurou with the intention of making him believe it too. He deserved more than just some one-night stands with a heavy heart…

Tetsurou stopped walking and remained quiet, simply looking at Kei like he was suddenly lost. The grip on his hand loosened and the blond felt Tetsurou’s hand slide up his arm, coupled with his other arm scooping around his back and pulling him in for a strong embrace. Kei was very surprised. He wasn’t even sure what had brought it on, but Tetsurou was warm all around him and he couldn’t find it inside himself to make it stop.

“I’m really happy I met you, Kei Tsukishima,” Tetsurou said from where he had hid his face in the blond’s neck. Kei’s breath caught in his throat and Tetsurou pulled out of the hug all too soon. “Regardless of what you want to do, you’re still one hell of a friend,” Tetsurou added, sincere and smiling and Kei couldn’t help but think in that moment, how much he liked the man standing in front of him.

Kei was stuck in a trance, possibly looking stunned but he didn’t care. His brain was telling him over and over to lean back in and kiss this boy, and his body was listening. He stepped forward and was about to make his move to close the distance but just as he tried to make his attempt, a droplet fell on his nose.

“Um,” Kei said, frozen as more drops fell through the thick trees overhead. He looked up and suddenly heard Tetsurou’s ridiculous laugh.

“Ha ha! The one day we tried to go for a walk,” he goofily lamented. He grabbed Kei’s hand and suddenly the blond was being quickly pulled along to… Somewhere?

“What are you doing?”

“Do you want to get soaked? We passed a hollow near some rocks like five minutes ago.”

And soon, that’s where they settled, huddled underneath a very fortunate rock formation that gave them just enough shelter from the storm.

“I guess we’ll wait it out before going back to the car, huh?” Tetsurou mentioned as he absently looked out at the rain. It was really coming down out there, fast and heavy, the drips of water cooling the air and dampening the earth as nothing but the sounds of the storm slipping through the trees could be heard, peppered with a distant blast of thunder. Tetsurou’s eyes went wide and he turned to look at Kei with a childlike wonder that the blond couldn’t help but smile at.

“Don’t tell me you like rainstorms?” Kei teased.

“Are you kidding? Thunder showers are the best. Are you telling me you don’t find these things relaxing as hell?”

“I’m just saying I’d rather be indoors and not in the middle of it…”

“Okay, I’ll agree that blankets make these things better, but there’s also something about really being out and experiencing it, you know?” Tetsurou said as he reached his hand out from the shelter to collect some rain drops in his palm. He brought it back into to observe and then simply shook off the water.

“You’re not going to take me out to dance in it or something, are you?”

“Okay, this is fun and all, but I also don’t want to get sick. Unless…” Tetsurou leaned in and gave Kei a stupidly sly look complete with waggling eyebrows, “...You really want me to.”

“No,” Kei said frankly. Tetsurou laughed and shook his head.

“Of course,” he sighed.

Everything fell quiet after that and the soft swish of rain crackling through the branches and leaves left Kei in a daze, though, the relaxing sounds of the storm wasn’t the only thing that was leaving the blond in a daze…

While Tetsurou was looking sleepily out at the rain, Kei found his eyes fixated on Tetsurou himself. He couldn’t help it… Didn’t _want_ to help it. The moments before the storm replayed in his mind, the events leading up to what he had been about to do and what it would have felt like, had he not been interrupted by some silly water falling from the sky…

_Kissing someone new…_

Kei still wasn’t quite sure how he felt about it. He supposed it had been a good thing to be interrupted considering everything he wanted to work out first but… His body had moved in so naturally. Was that really something he could ignore?

He thought about what it could mean for him, what it could mean for Tetsurou. The man himself had said that nothing between them had to be complicated, that they could just be friends and nothing more and Kei thought that he could be fine with that, but…

...His fantasy still lingered. His desire was there, and spurred by it, he realized that he had shifted his body closer to Tetsurou’s, their knees touching and causing Kei to capture Tetsurou’s attention.

“Cold…?” Tetsurou asked with a warm grin. Of course that’s what he’d think. Kei slid just a touch closer at the question.

“A little…” he said, unable to look Tetsurou directly in the eye because of what he was doing. Tetsurou lifted a slow hesitant arm around Kei’s shoulders, his warm hand cupping around the cold skin of Kei’s bicep and suddenly the blond felt himself captivated by that warmth again. The warmth of cuddles on a chilly night… The warmth of an embrace in the middle of the woods…

They were close. Kei could feel his heart shake against his chest, followed by the rest of his body considering how Tetsurou rubbed his arm. He probably thought Kei was starting to shiver, but, Kei was simply filled with anticipation… A touch of excitement and a touch of fear...

He didn’t want Tetsurou to be a replacement for anything in his heart. He wanted him to be a unique feeling, to take over in ways he never thought another person could. He didn’t want to compare, but Kei wondered if forcing himself to look at Tetsurou differently than he had Tadashi wasn’t consuming him the most.

What would one have to do to erase that? Or would one have to just carry that baggage forever? He had been ready to give the rest of his life to Tadashi, but would he be willing to do that for Tetsurou? Did it matter if he didn’t know the answer?

Perhaps just the fact that he was concerned about that in the first place was enough to show Kei that he was ready to try. Just a step. Just an inch. Just Tetsurou looking at him like he was. That gaze was new. Thoughtful, warm and comforting, all of those things that used to be dampened by sympathy, but Kei didn’t see that in Tetsurou’s eyes anymore and that alone made his heart pound.

Kei felt his breath begin to shake as he moved in without a word. Felt his fingers curl into a fist as he clenched Tetsurou’s shirt. The thunder crashed outside but neither of them took notice...

Kei had been worried that if he tried anything with Tetsurou, especially during the current state of his life, that it would be meaningless; but his mind was screaming at him, his heart slapping him awake. Even if he still had to deal with lingering feelings for Tadashi for a while, the way Tetsurou’s close breath mixing with his own made his mind go blank, and all he wanted to do was close that distance.

Give it a try.

Give it a chance...

“Mm,” Tetsurou made a gentle sound in his throat once Kei kissed him. The sound was so deep and the exhale through his nose sounded so full of relief that Kei was instantly put at ease. It felt ridiculously good to have Tetsurou’s lips on his, moving warm, slow and barely parted. It didn’t feel like Kei was replacing anything. All it felt like was getting something he wanted, acting on desire, and that made him feel truly happy for the first time in months.

Lightning flashed as they pulled away. The rumble of the thunder pulling the rain down heavier closeby, but Kei was stuck on Tetsurou’s dazed expression. The way his lips looked plush and relaxed with the slightest sheen. The way his cheeks seemed just a bit rosier even if Kei couldn’t be sure in the dim light. The way his stupid hair hung over half lidded eyes that seemed lost and focused all at once. It was a gorgeous face. Kei wouldn’t allow himself to deny that, no matter how much pride he had.

“I’ve been lying to you this whole time…” Kei finally said. Now Tetsurou’s eyes were simply lost.

“W-what?” he asked, still not completely there.

“You might actually be really attractive…” Kei confessed, his smug smirk unable to be kept down.

Tetsurou sat there looking stunned for a second before slowly averting his gaze. He was smiling, albeit shy. Kei hadn’t expected that reaction at all after saying something like that.

“Can I tell you the truth then?” he asked. Kei gave a small nod and Tetsurou’s smile grew. “That day you picked me up? There were actually plenty of cars that passed by, but when I saw you sleeping in your car I thought you were too cute not to wait for and-”

“-So you decided to steal the cute boy’s wallet,” Kei interrupted, his smug smirk ever powerful. Tetsurou frowned.

“I thought you were over that…”

“I’ll never be over that…” Kei said, leaning in again and hovering his lips just over Tetsurou’s.

“You sure can hold a grudge,” he whispered, voice almost completely drowned out by the rain.

“Mm…” Kei closed the distance again, kissing Tetsurou like he hadn’t gotten enough the first time. There were a billion things he wanted to say, so many things he wanted to talk about, discuss, work out because nothing in life was ever this simple… But, kissing Tetsurou Kuroo in that moment?

Nothing felt easier...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And amazingly, I managed to get this done for Kuroo's birthday! :D I think this is the chapter he deserved =w= b ! Though, these boys still have a long way to go 8'D
> 
> Song in this chapter was "Don't Let it Go to Your Head" by Fefe Dobson~ I should make a playlist for you guys at some point c:
> 
> As always, please let me know what you thought! And you can always yell at me about anything over on Tumblr too~ [HERE](http://sheenaxzelos.tumblr.com/)


	9. Clear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey, you paid for the room. If anything, I should be servicing you too,” Tetsurou spoke without thinking, leaving Kei with an amused arch in his brow and slightly widened eyes.
> 
> “Tetsurou,” he said simply, prompting the other to rethink that statement.
> 
> Tetsurou blinked.
> 
> Kei had never seen somebody’s face go so red, so fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning, the following chapter is ridiculously long and contains traces of ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Somewhere into the second kiss, Kei wondered if kissing Tetsurou was a mistake. Or rather, kissing him as much as he was. It had been less of one experimental peck, and more like several fairly hungry kisses and he had to wonder if they had been _too_ hungry. Perhaps it hadn’t been the kiss itself he regretted but more so the type, and it had more to do with _himself_ than it did with Tetsurou really.

Had he actually been so desperate to feel? Or maybe it was because his body was aching for some sort of attention.

When Kei began being interested in relationships, it was really weird for him. He _could_ have blamed it on the inexperience, but he was really shy about being touched or loved. For something he wanted, he didn’t really understand it, which is why when that first boy wanted to “experiment”, Kei wasn’t exactly sure what to do.

Sex came after love, didn’t it? At least, that’s what he was expecting. You fell in love with a person first and then got to all that physical stuff later. It seemed like the most natural course, but then, after figuring out he liked boys, nothing in his life felt all that natural; no matter how many times his family and Tadashi tried to convince him otherwise.

He still felt isolated from them, which is probably what prompted him to say yes to that boy…

The physical was fun. A few Friday nights spent with that boy was enough to prove that, but a lot of the times, Kei was left feeling regret in the morning, like he had betrayed something. The norm? What his heart considered the norm? None of it made sense…

“I think it’s okay to feel that way,” Tadashi said to him one Saturday evening, to which Kei listened intently. Tadashi had always known what to say to Kei to help him. Kei knew he could always trust his words. “The confused part, I mean. It’s okay to experiment, but maybe you’re just the type of guy who needs to be in love first before really being comfortable with the physical stuff. Or something,” he bashfully chuckled and scratched his head, and of course, had that adorable smile painted on his face.

The smile that had been making Kei’s stomach twist for years. The one that made his heart ache and veins pulse.

And maybe that was why he felt so shitty about experimenting…

He was already in love…

Tadashi was straight, he knew that. He had to be! There wasn’t a blonde girl that didn’t make him stammer when spoken to, and there was nothing wrong with that, just like there wasn’t anything wrong with Kei being gay. Tadashi had been the first person he told, hesitantly and frightened, but all Tadashi did was hug him and give him that same smile.

“That’s amazing, Tsukki!” he exclaimed, like it was some grand feat to be a boy who liked boys, but Tadashi made his coming out feel just like that. Tadashi was proud. Proud that Kei had finally found out his identity and even prouder that he had been the person Kei wanted to say it to first. It was incredible that Kei hadn’t realized his feelings sooner…

But that was stupid right? So stupid to fall for the first person to treat him like that, stupid to fall for the only person to treat him like that… Who had _always_ treated him like that.

Kei was so very much in love…

It burned at his chest, the desire to confess. It had been hanging heavy in his mind all through high school. For an entire year, all he wanted to do was kiss Tadashi and treat him better than any girl who had rejected him. He hated Tadashi’s expression whenever that happened…

...But Tadashi was straight. Why would he want to hear a confession from Kei?

It came out on its own. Bubbling over like a forgotten pot... Unavoidable.

“I… I love you, Tadashi,” Kei said, just between the two of them, quiet in his bedroom and only loud enough for Tadashi to hear. Kei remembered the face he made. He smiled first but then quickly his eyes spread wide in surprise.

“Wait, seriously?” he asked. And that _should_ have been a sign right away that this whole thing was going to be a mistake, though, at the time, Kei’s face remained unshaken. He simply nodded.

But Tadashi was always kind to him, always supported him…

...And perhaps that was his greatest weakness as a person.

“I’ll think about it,” he said, as seriously as Kei had spoken. Their eyes met then and Kei wasn’t quite sure what to think. Tadashi was serious, but the new thing to consider was just that. New…

Kei made himself believe that’s all it was, especially so when Tadashi said yes a few days later.

Kei was happy. More than that, he was ecstatic and he actually scooped Tadashi off of his feet in a hug. His new boyfriend laughed nervously.

“Tsukki, I’ve never seen you like this,” he pointed out with a smile.

“I’ve just… Never been this happy,” Kei said, and there was something in Tadashi’s eyes that made it seem like he was honoured. Kei realized much later that it had been guilt… Sympathy…

How could he have been so blind…?

Tadashi was always hesitant to kiss. Kei figured he could blame it on the shyness. Tadashi had always been shy, so he assumed it was natural for him to feel that way about kissing too. Kei was willing to be patient though. He’d wait the rest of his life if it meant Tadashi would be ready for him in the end. But romance wasn’t always healthy, was it?

“We should… Try it out…” Tadashi said one night in their college dorm.

“What, like… Sex?” Kei asked cautiously. They hadn’t even gotten all that far with kissing and Tadashi wanted to go all the way? It made no sense…

“Yeah,” Tadashi said with that shy smile. It was an awkward smile, Kei corrected his memory. He didn’t see that then… “You want to, don’t you?” Tadashi had asked, in his kindest of voices of course. It would have been obvious to anybody looking on that Tadashi felt bad, felt _obligated_ to do that for Kei even though the blond had never propositioned it. He knew Tadashi wasn’t comfortable with it, so he never pushed it.

But it was true, he _did_ want to…

He wanted to feel what it was like, being that close to the one he loved…

It shouldn’t have felt like it did.

Just another warning sign that Kei chose to ignore…

“Is this okay?” Kei asked before he dipped his fingers under Tadashi’s waistband. Tadashi kissed him on the cheek.

“Of course,” he assured, his voice soft and calm.

How was Kei supposed to know how he really felt? How was Kei supposed to see past the masks and his own blur of feelings? How could either of them be truly honest when it was as if they were walking on eggshells, neither of them wanting to upset their balance. The comforting balance that had been there since they were kids…

But Kei had already upset that balance…

And Tadashi had upset it by not letting Kei see the truth…

Male and female. Male and Male. It wasn’t really the point by then. No matter the gender of the other, Tadashi just couldn’t force himself to feel that way about Kei. He loved his friend, of course he did, but not in the passionate, heart thumping way Kei felt about him.

No amount of time could fix that.

No amount of increasingly awkward sexual encounters could change that.

If they hadn’t taken that step further, then their relationship could have been perfect, but now Kei was stuck with the regrets of a ruined friendship and the insecurity of not being wanted…

...So, maybe that’s why he was shaken by his kiss with Tetsurou. With the first boy he had opened up to since Tadashi. With the boy who liked him back. Who had said so himself not fifteen minutes ago. Kei was scared of the magnitude, but he also didn’t want to let go as his heat and feelings climbed.

He wasn’t desperate to replace his feelings. He was simply desperate to feel more of what this new thing was. This intoxicating, simply sublime feeling of attraction and reciprocation. The sounds Tetsurou made when they kissed were deep and grateful and Kei couldn’t get enough of it.

Whether they went anywhere or not probably didn’t matter, not when Tetsurou gave him a feeling unlike any other. One that he could take with him through life and feel proud of. To be wanted and feel comfortable was what Kei really needed, and he was okay with letting Tetsurou give that to him.

So maybe he didn’t regret it. Not one bit. It was a step he needed. A step he liked. And he really liked Tetsurou…

“Kei…” Tetsurou whispered, deep and breathless over Kei’s lips. The blond had somehow pushed Tetsurou back against the wall of the hollow with the force of his kiss. Kei had to wonder if it was Tetsurou saying his name like that which made his body so much stronger. He just really wanted to hear that sound some more.

“I’m not done kissing you yet,” Kei stated as he dipped in for another taste. Tetsurou chuckled against Kei’s lips.

“You’re so affectionate,” he teased.

“I can always stop,” Kei threatened, but that only made Tetsurou laugh more, happy and giddy and probably the most joyful Kei had seen him since they’d met. At least, his mind told him that was true. Tetsurou brought a hand up to touch Kei’s cheek, those warm fingers gliding over his skin like they had the night before, taking the same path and trailing over his bottom lip. Tetsurou tipped Kei’s chin and pulled him in for a kiss of his own, a bit hesitant as he tried out the new feeling.

“I just wanted to give it a shot, that’s all. It’s really nice being able to kiss you...”

Kei leaned in and stole another. The small smile that curled over his lips when he pulled back was response enough. He agreed. Not just about kissing Tetsurou but also about being capable of kissing on the whole.

A million things danced through Kei’s mind, but the one that took center stage was very welcome, along with the added curiosity that came with it. Kei suddenly wanted to try all sorts of things with Tetsurou, to see how he moved and reacted under touches he had been unsure about before, to dive deep into this exciting new feeling.

However, as Kei felt himself nestle atop Tetsurou’s lap, the man’s hands sliding over his hips and pressing into his lower back to get them closer, Kei sucked back a breath as he stopped kissing Tetsurou altogether. Tetsurou looked surprised at first, loosened his grip and pulled his hands away.

“Ah, I’m sorry Kei, that was too much too fast I…”

“No, don’t I’m…” Kei paused and let out a dry laugh, “...I’m the one who crawled on top of you.”

He had said it with a slight smile and Tetsurou mirrored it.

“Yeah… Well, we both got a bit excited,” Tetsurou commented.

Kei didn’t say anything, because how could he even think about words? He decided then to take hold of Tetsurou’s hands, lacing fingers and resting both their limbs against his thighs. He looked at them, at how their hands looked entwined like that. Tetsurou’s hands were so much bigger than the ones he had been used to before, but the man’s tanned skin was a lovely contrast to his own paler shade.

Tadashi had been fairly tanned as well, now that he thought about it…

Kei mentally kicked himself, found himself actually physically shaking his head as he stared at their hands. No matter how drunk he had been on the feeling before, those stupid thoughts still flooded his mind when he took the time to think.

But he wasn’t panicking.

Guilty, a little frustrated as to why because he shouldn’t have been, but that was it. An improvement, but still hard to deal with in its own way…

Tetsurou tilted his head to the side in an attempt to capture Kei’s sight.

“Hey, you okay?” he asked. Kei looked up, made eye contact, looked away. He shrugged.

“I’m fine, just feel a bit silly. That’s all,” he said. Kei felt Tetsurou squeeze his hands.

“Don’t… It’s all steps you need to take. I’m still here to help you, even if that doesn’t involve kissing,” he joked. Kei looked back at him and glared.

“I told you not to look at this as help.”

“No, I know that! I meant if you wanted to put kissing on hold for help, I’ll be fine with that,” Tetsurou explained, a soft smile curling over his lips. Kei’s glare faded and he looked down between them again, unsure of what to do or say.

“Hitoka said he’d be happy for me if he knew… About this, about my feelings for you…”

Tetsurou swallowed hard at those last words but he managed to regain his composure.

“Wouldn’t he be? He _is_ still your friend, isn’t he?”

“Well yeah but… Isn’t that weird? To have dated someone for as long as we did and not have any hangups on the other seeing someone else, I… I don’t know…”

“Do you want him to be jealous or something?”

“What? No… Yes? I don’t know what it is… Or what I want…”

Tetsurou nudged one of his hands free and brought it up to cup Kei’s cheek so that his gaze wouldn’t sway anymore. Kei was okay with that. He needed some sort of solidarity and Tetsurou was very capable of giving him that.

“You should call him,” is what he said. Kei almost felt like panicking and shaking free from Tetsurou’s grasp but something in the man’s eyes locked him in. He spoke the truth… Honest and with impeccable timing, because if Kei had been told that a few days ago, he would have been anxious over the mere _concept_ of calling Tadashi. Now it seemed like the only natural course…

Maybe all he wanted was to tell his best friend the good news...

_‘Tadashi, he’s so much better than that dumb guy I slept with in high school’_ he’d deadpan, and Tadashi would laugh… Though, there was still that elephant in the room wasn’t there? That boy from high school hadn’t been the only one in Kei’s romantic life since then and the blond had to wonder if it wouldn’t be too much of a strain on them.

Could they handle that awkwardness? If they could, what was stopping Kei from falling for the boy all over again?

No. He didn’t want that. He _couldn’t_ want that, and he didn’t want to give himself the chance.

“Not yet…” Kei settled on. Tetsurou looked a bit concerned. “I will, I promise, just… I need to think a bit more about what I want to say.”

“Yeah,” Tetsurou said, the word drenched in understanding, and for a man who was usually so hard to read, it felt like they were somehow on the same level.

Kei leaned in and kissed him again, just to test himself after such a series of thoughts. Tetsurou cupped the back of his neck and squeezed the hand he still held as they kissed, soft and slow.

Yeah, Kei still wanted this too. The fluttering in his chest was too good of a feeling to ignore.

When the kiss broke, they smiled and Kei got off of Tetsurou’s lap after that. He still sat close, shoulder to shoulder, legs pressed against each other as they held hands between them. There wasn’t much left to discuss, only the rain to listen to as they could simply use the moment to get lost in the feeling of being next to each other. Kei really liked that they could do that and be comfortable…

It had definitely been a step worth taking.

 

+++

 

The next day or so continued to be surprisingly comfortable as they slowly inched their way closer to New York city. Kei had been worried that he’d start to regress, that the guilt and anxiety would take him over again, but he actually felt very light.

It was possible that Tetsurou’s smile had something to do with keeping the peace. Every time Kei spared a glance over at him, the man would either greet him with one or be caught already gazing. Not in a creepy way, it was always this dopey, charmingly dazed stare that Tetsurou wore over his face, and when Kei looked over, he would always be surprised and try to casually shrug it off.

Kei didn’t say anything, though. He simply wore a small smile of his own as he got back to looking at the road. At their path ahead…

The evenings were a lot nicer as well. After having been honest with each other, it only felt like a given that they’d share the back seat, cuddling close in a warm pile of spare clothes while exchanging sweet little words…

...And the kisses, well… Those were still the best part. There was never really much to say in those moments, if only to maybe compliment the other on their technique or something, but mostly it was all about feeling. Sprawled in the backseat, Kei would lay atop Tetsurou as he pressed himself tightly against him, feeling those large hands of his on his hips and back, warm and comfortable as they shared breath, both looking for something and finding more with each passing moment until they got too tired to stay awake anymore. Kei would bury his face in the crook of Tetsurou’s neck then and wonder if maybe they were taking this too seriously…

...But then Tetsurou would go and say something crazy like how he had never seen Jurassic Park, and Kei knew where they stood. Though, at the same time-

“Excuse you? Seriously?” Kei asked, not getting too excited but still trying to quell a small bit of betrayal in his chest. How could anybody _not_ have seen that movie?

“Ha ha! I thought dinos were scary as a kid, can you blame me?”

“That’s no excuse for your adult life. How have you been living?” Kei asked, unable to mask his sincere concern. That movie was a _classic_. Also his favourite, but that was beside the point.

“Well, I suppose I just got into the wrong dino thing,” Tetsurou replied, seemingly amused.

“I wouldn’t say that…” Kei muttered. Tetsurou perked up, that shit eating grin smeared over his face and Kei suddenly regretted every decision he had ever made.

“So, Kei Tsukishima is a Dinomorphs mega-fan, is he?” he teased.

“Tch. Shut up. You know what I mean,” Kei said, and Tetsurou shook them both with his laughter. Kei simply hid himself in Tetsurou’s neck again until the man settled down and caught his breath. He paused for a moment and then Kei felt a comforting hand run through his hair.

“I do. Well, we’re almost in town now anyway. How about you stay at my place for a bit and we can watch it, hm?”

A few things struck Kei all at once with that question. One, Tetsurou actually addressing that he had a place to watch movies in made him remember that the man he was snuggling actually had a life outside this car; and two, he’d have to be getting back to it soon. They both would… And with only really a day or two’s worth left of driving, Kei could feel his heart race over how fast this was all coming to a close…

“Yeah, that’d be fine I guess,” he said rather absently. Kei felt Tetsurou tilt his head to try and get a look at his face, but the blond didn’t really fancy him doing that.

“Hey, are you alright? You sound down all of a sudden…” Tetsurou asked.

“I’m fine it’s just…” Kei hesitated to actually say it. Dear God, why would he even blurt something out like that?

“Hm?” Tetsurou questioned further. Kei sighed.

“Don’t make me say it…” he muttered, and he hoped that Tetsurou would somehow catch his drift with such a vague statement. The man had been pretty good at it so far, so he could only hope this time would be the same. He heard Tetsurou hum at first, and then he could practically feel the man’s smile cutting the air.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re bummed about our little road trip coming to an end,” he said breezily. Kei grunted and Tetsurou started laughing again. The blond finally lifted himself up to glare at Tetsurou, getting an eyeful of that charming laugh that always seemed to light up his face. Kei felt like hiding his _own_ face at his thoughts but it was dark enough that Tetsurou wouldn’t see his rosy cheeks, he was safe.

“Would you stop it already?” Kei asked, drowned out by the boisterous laughter until it finally started to settle down. Tetsurou took a deep breath before settling his gaze on Kei once more, warmth in his smile and kindness in his eyes as he reached out to cup the blond’s face like he had become accustomed to.

“You know this is the modern age, yeah? If you miss me, you can call me. It’s not a tragedy,” he said gently, but it only made Kei’s face burn up even more. _Now_ he wanted to hide… Had he always been this embarrassing?

“I know that,” he spat defensively, and Tetsurou only chuckled again. Kei scoffed and was about to protest but all Tetsurou did was catch any word he may have said with a kiss. Kei hated that he could do that now, but perhaps it was for the best. At least it stopped him from saying stupid things…

“We don’t have to worry about that right now though,” Tetsurou whispered against his lips, and Kei inhaled shakily at the sensation. There was just always something about Tetsurou that made Kei feel like he could become completely unraveled at any given moment, but that definitely wasn’t bad. It honestly felt kind of wild what a simple whisper could do to the pit of his stomach, what it could do to his heartbeat and with the way Tetsurou’s breath quickened, Kei knew he felt the same.

...But what would it mean to give into the feeling? To give into the pull that drew them closer, time and time again…

It was a big concept for Kei to grasp at that point, and he knew if he stopped now, Tetsurou would be fine with it so maybe he didn’t need to address it. He just knew he wasn’t in the right state of mind to do anything more than kissing, at least not right then and there. Perhaps he was overthinking it, but that’s just how it was…

With a surprisingly gentle and sympathetic look, Kei lightly shook his head and Tetsurou understood right away. He simply let the blond re-position himself and relax against him, happy to just melt into a peaceful sleep.

“Let’s get a hotel room tomorrow, my treat,” Kei said before letting sleep take him.

“Hotel? Like… something fancy?” Tetsurou asked.

“Why not? It’ll be our last night on the road, may as well find somewhere nice and live it up,” Kei said flatly, waving a sarcastic hand in the air. Tetsurou chuckled and reached up to hold it, lacing their fingers together.

“I’m not going to say no to that,” Tetsurou said, sleepy and amused.

Kei smirked against Tetsurou’s chest and squeezed at his hand, as he wondered what kind of world awaited them outside of their road trip. He wondered if it would be as warm as this…

 

+++

 

As they pulled up to a fairly decent hotel a few hours away from the city, Kei and Tetsurou figured it was as good a place as any.

“We still don’t have to, you know? I’m fine with driving through the night and crashing at my place.”

Kei knew Tetsurou was only trying to be considerate, but he had made up his mind when he offered in the first place. That, and their trip being over meant that he’d have to go home, and he wasn’t ready for that.

He also wasn’t ready to leave behind the feeling that Tetsurou’s smile gave him. Kei felt like he was teetering between liking the feeling and attaching himself to the feeling for comfort, but he had shaken his brain to its core thinking about that over and over again on an endless loop. He supposed there were just still some things he couldn’t shake, no matter how good his company was…

“Why would I pass up a night in a nice hotel? I think we both deserve it, don’t you think?” Kei said, and nearly sighing over the thought because they really did. After all the drama and bad sleeps in a back seat, relaxing in a hotel room sounded like heaven. Tetsurou shrugged as he gave in.

“Yeah, we do,” he agreed, shaking some hair out of his eye. “My place isn’t really much anyway to be honest, so this should be awesome!”

Kei was pleased to see Tetsurou so happy, but his phrase _did_ make him a little curious. Despite all the stories they had shared of sex and college shenanigans, they hadn’t really delved much into their actual lives.

“What, um…” Kei started, blinking down at his lap, hands resting on the stationary wheel.

“Hm?”

“What kind of life are you getting back to tomorrow?” he asked, looking back over and making eye contact. He expected Tetsurou to look shocked or something but all the man did was smile sheepishly as he rubbed the back of his head. Seemed like Tetsurou was used to Kei’s abrupt questions by now…

“Well, not much of one I guess. Dumpy apartment, late nights on the internet and a lot of reading. I uh… I work as a caretaker. You know, old people and stuff. The pay is kind of low for living in NYC, but it’s good work,” he explained with a small, fond smile.

Kei’s eyes went wide.

“Seriously?” he asked.

“Huh? Yeah,” Tetsurou replied as if it were only obvious what he did for a living. Though, it really _should_ have been considering the nature of a man who took pride in helping strangers on his travels. Kei had probably been too busy ignoring any form of reality to put two and two together, but now that he knew, it fit.

“Right… Sorry, I guess I wasn’t thinking about you having a job at all,” Kei muttered.

“Did you think I was a bum because I hitchhiked and had a twig in my hair when we first met?” Tetsurou joked. Kei smirked.

“Kind of,” he said. Tetsurou scoffed in offence, but it was anything but serious. They both chuckled gently at that.

“Well, yeah. I have a few more weeks of leave though, so, no big deal on when I get back,” he explained.

“Right…” Kei said simply. He wanted to ask Tetsurou why he had taken such a huge leave of absence, but wondered if that was too prying. Tetsurou seemed to recognize the question in his eyes.

“It was stress, if you’re curious. Kenma…” Tetsurou hesitated for a second while finding the words. “Kenma suggested I get away for a while,” he settled on, but Kei could sense a bigger story behind the simple phrase.

“Have you… De-stressed, then?” Kei asked. Tetsurou grinned before leaning in and pecking Kei’s cheek.

“Yeah,” he said gently. Kei’s stomach dipped and all his blood rushed to his face as he tried to escape being embarrassed.

“Okay then. Hotel room,” Kei said stiffly as he gathered his things and climbed out of the car. He heard Tetsurou get out of the car and heard him yell out a joke, something about being eager or whatever, but Kei didn’t want to listen to it. He made a note to one up Tetsurou in smoothness later…

 

+++

 

“What the hell? This is amazing!” Tetsurou called when they entered the room. He had busted in ahead of Kei and the blond couldn’t help but smirk a bit at his over the top reaction to a generic hotel room. Tetsurou spun around and Kei’s shoulders jumped at the abrupt switch. “How much did you pay for this?” he demanded. Kei shrugged.

“I don’t know, two hundred or something? Doesn’t matter. All I know is that they have cable, a bath and room service,” he explained as he walked in to place his bag on one of the pristinely made beds. He patted the tight sheet upon noticing.

“You’re a swanky guy,” Tetsurou slyly joked. Kei snorted ever so slightly.

“Shut up, idiot,” he said with a touch of fondness. “Now, I don’t know about you but I’m using that bath right away.”

“Hey, you paid for the room. If anything, I should be servicing you too,” Tetsurou spoke without thinking, leaving Kei with an amused arch in his brow and slightly widened eyes.

“Tetsurou,” he said simply, prompting the other to rethink that statement.

Tetsurou blinked.

Kei had never seen somebody’s face go so red, so fast.

Kei filled the room with smug laughter as Tetsurou tried to walk off his accidental double entendre, stepping over to the other bed and putting his stuff there.

“You’re a dead man, Kei Tsukishima,” Tetsurou threatened with the tremble of laughter in his own voice. Kei huffed.

“Ooh, I’m so scared of you,” he said, wiggling his hands in the air as he made his way to the bathroom, leaving Tetsurou’s cute little smile behind and closing the door. He supposed neither of them were really good at this, and that kind of made Kei’s chest flutter a bit as he started running some water to shower before filling the tub.

They each had a certain level of experience with this kind of thing, though, neither of their experiences were any good. Kei wondered if that was what made it so easy to do these things with Tetsurou. The man understood him on a level that he didn’t need to explain, and Kei felt that. He was honestly looking forward to the rest of the evening with Tetsurou…

Some peace and quiet and getting to know him more… Kei thought that sounded pretty damn good…

 

+++

 

“Why is your hair so… Fluffy?” Tetsurou asked, staring from the bathroom door once he was finished with his bath. The man stood there, clad in a robe while Kei sat on one of the beds, still in his own robe and caught mid mouthful for he was chomping down on a burger that had mysteriously appeared. Kei blinked and swallowed.

“Hair dryer,” he replied, taking another bite. He then pointed to a dish near Tetsurou’s bed as he swallowed back that one. “I got you one too. Don’t worry, you can pick out the next meal.”

Tetsurou’s face went from openly gawking to overjoyed as he stepped over to pull the cover off of the dish that held his food - a beautiful burger platter. Kei swore he saw Tetsurou wipe some drool off of his face.

“Hey, quit drooling and eat it,” Kei said after another bite. He was too focused on changing the channels on the television at that point to notice Tetsurou bringing his food around and scootching onto the same bed where Kei sat, surprising the blond when the mattress dipped beside him. He supposed it made sense for Tetsurou to sit so close, there was no reason for him not to, but it didn’t negate the fact that he was distracting…

Tetsurou lazed back, the pleasant scent of soap surrounding him along with the loose hanging robe. Kei felt his skin tingle just a bit. Now that he didn’t have as many hangups as he did before he could clearly see just how effortlessly attractive this man was

The small droplet of water rolling over his jaw line didn’t help either and it was at that moment, Tetsurou noticed his staring. Kei was going to spout off an excuse to defend himself from the inevitable teasing, but it never came. All he was met with was a sweet little smile, and that was somehow worse for Kei’s heart.

“There’s water on your face,” Kei muttered as he finally finished his meal and set the empty plate aside.

“Hm? Oh yeah, blame my hair, ha ha. It’s so hard to dry,” Tetsurou explained as he wiped away the droplet. He dug into his food after that, thanking Kei for everything before chewing and Kei simply waved his hand to dismiss it as he continued to flip through the channels in more of an attempt to ignore his quickly beating heart as much as possible…

Despite that though, Kei _did_ feel himself relax. Tetsurou made it easy. Once the man was done with his food he had laid back and started to make fun of the commercials on whatever channel Kei had settled on, or began giggling unironically to the ones he found amusing. The movie that was on was some drama neither of them knew the name of, but it was so over the top that it didn’t really matter.

Tetsurou tapped Kei on the arm whenever he got really stoked about a scene that was too ridiculous, as if he hadn’t been sitting right there beside him, watching along. Tetsurou was pretty damn cute when he wanted to be too, and Kei realized that there really wasn’t anything stopping him from leaning in to-

“Mm,” Tetsurou made a light sound in his throat, a little surprised at Kei’s kiss but the blond could feel him smile against it so he knew it was okay. Tetsurou never addressed it, only got a little quieter, a bit more shy as he shifted himself closer to Kei with every moment that passed. Kei did the same…

The movie continued, a dull sound and flickering light around the dim room, and it was all irrelevant at that point when the two of them kept getting distracted by the other. Kei would flick a fluffy piece of Tetsurou’s hair out of his eye. Tetsurou would laugh and pinch Kei’s side. Kei grabbed the pinching hand and Tetsurou laced their fingers together to keep holding it. Kei let him…

It was all easy and light, not a lot to be discussed, and for the first time in a while, Kei’s mind felt very clear. He just wanted to enjoy this night and he couldn’t believe that this was their last one on the road. Screw what came after, he just wanted to relive Tetsurou absently bringing Kei’s hand to his lips to kiss it over and over again.

Though, that particular kiss was the first bit to be chipped away from their wall. Kei’s breath had shaken slightly from surprise and butterflies and Tetsurou noticed this.

“What’s up?” he asked gently.

“Nothing, just… I wasn’t expecting you to do that,” Kei responded.

“Is it weird?”

“No, I don’t think so,” Kei said quietly. Tetsurou kissed his hand again and chuckled against it when the blond smirked at him.

Kei couldn’t help the sudden flash of Tadashi in his mind when they exchanged looks like that. It wasn’t one of guilt this time, simply a comparison that his mind naturally came to. This kind of stuff was so easy with Tetsurou. Surprisingly easy, especially with how shy Kei used to be about all this stuff in the past. To just reach out and casually touch someone was something Kei never thought he was capable of. Kei was actually a bit shocked over his sudden epiphany. He had no idea how much his hesitance with Tadashi had messed him up. He didn’t blame Tadashi for it, but there was a part of Kei that had been ready to live with that for the rest of his life…

That glint in Tetsurou’s eye was telling though, and Kei swallowed because he wanted it too…

But was that okay? He liked Tetsurou’s company but he wasn’t in love with him. Was it really okay to do that kind of stuff with just anybody?

Kei leaned in to test his theory, moving their hands out of the way and kissing Tetsurou’s lips for the first time in this kind of setting. With this mindset… Tetsurou wasn’t just anybody, was he?

He pulled back, not much, but enough to see Tetsurou’s expression which he assumed matched his own. Features falling a little heavy with a slight daze in the eyes. That seemed about right…

Kei leaned in to kiss him again, but got the sudden urge to put his lips on Tetsurou’s jaw line. He went with it, changing course and giving the underside of Tetsurou’s jaw a sweet little kiss, barely grazing, but it was enough to make Tetsurou sigh.

Kei felt his entire body heat up. Was he really capable of doing this to somebody? To actually make somebody feel good like this? He kissed the same spot again…

“God, Kei, what are you doing to me?” Tetsurou whispered and he sounded amused, but it was enough to make Kei stop and seriously question what he was doing. There would probably be a point when his hesitation would stop, but it definitely wasn’t that particular moment.

“I don’t know?” Kei questioned, mostly to himself and not really an answer to Tetsurou’s rhetorical question. The man squeezed at Kei’s hand.

“I said we don’t have to do anything if you’re uncomfortable,” he softly reiterated. Kei knew that, but…

“That’s not exactly my problem here…” he murmured.

“Hm?” Tetsurou questioned curiously.

Oh God, he couldn’t say this…

“The problem is I kind of… Want… To do that stuff…” he forced out, and he could feel himself blushing but Tetsurou didn’t tease him. He just felt that solid grip on his hand again.

“That’s um… That’s… Aha, I’m sorry, why is that a problem?” Tetsurou asked, lighthearted and curious. Kei shook his head and shrugged.

“I don’t know, I’ve never really done this kind of thing without being in… Well, you know.”

“Ah,” Tetsurou cooed knowingly, catching Kei’s drift and simply responding with the most natural thing. “You know, it doesn’t have to be meaningful. Sometimes sex is just fun,” he explained, voice soft next to Kei’s ear. He let his fingers trail gently over Kei’s, and the blond felt himself giving in to the moment.

“Do you want it to be meaningless?” Kei asked, a harshly cutting question for such a moment, but Tetsurou didn’t take it the wrong way. He brought his hand up and brushed away some of the hair that rested against Kei’s ear.

“I never said that,” he answered. Kei felt himself shiver at the words, something about the implication just plucking at him. “I’m just saying it doesn’t have to be complicated. It’s okay to just be together and relax and have some fun. But really, it’s whatever _you_ want to do.”

Kei didn’t know if he had the capacity to think about it. Tetsurou knew just how to speak to get under his skin and that deep bass in his voice was already making it tingle. Tetsurou was right. He didn’t have to think about it. Kei had kissed him because he wanted to, curious as to what it would feel like and it made him feel good. Fleeting thoughts soon passed through Kei’s mind - Tetsurou’s lips on his neck, the scent of his skin enveloping him, those strong arms holding him and his warm hands guiding him. He hadn’t had sex in so long, hadn’t wanted to since he couldn’t even fathom wanting to be with anybody else because it wasn’t right, but Tetsurou was there next to him…

...And it felt very right.

Kei glanced over for a mere second before tangling his fingers in Tetsurou’s hair and pulling him in for a kiss, breathy and open. Tetsurou groaned at the contact and Kei let his nails drag gently down to his neck, palmed at his shoulders before pulling away. Tetsurou was already breathing hard from the kiss alone, and he gazed over Kei’s face heatedly before pouncing on the blond’s lips in turn, inhaling it and grabbing at the collar of his robe. His grip was rough at first, and Kei moaned at the sudden aggression, but Tetsurou seemed to regain his control as he softened the kiss, let his hands run inside Kei’s robe and slowly push it off of his shoulders so that it hung loose off of his body. Tetsurou brought his hand up to cup the back of Kei’s neck and he finally eased out of the kiss.

“How long has it been since you’ve-...” Tetsurou asked hoarsely but Kei cut him off.

“Months,” he said, his voice in the exact same state Tetsurou’s was in. The man’s breathing quickened its pace.

“What about on your own?” he asked, lips hovering just over Kei’s, waiting and eager.

“The same,” Kei answered, punctuating his response by nipping Tetsurou’s bottom lip. The man moaned breathlessly as he chased Kei’s lips with a peck.

“Fuck…” he muttered under his breath. His hands trembled on Kei’s shoulders and the blond could sense the eagerness in Tetsurou’s body, but even though he felt the same vibration for contact in his own, he still wanted to slow down. He took a deep breath and soothingly let his hand drag over Tetsurou’s shoulder, gliding over his bicep.

“Slowly…” Kei said. “I think we both need to calm down.”

Tetsurou took a deep breath as well, pulled back and read Kei’s face for a moment. The lust in his eyes seemed to soften and his parted lips slowly closed into a warm smile.

“Yeah,” he agreed, leaning in to rest his forehead on Kei’s and cup the blond’s cheek with his hand. It only lasted a second before he pulled back though, seemingly struck with an idea. “I have something in mind to start off with, if you want.”

Kei didn’t even remember what it was like to sleep with someone who was actually enthusiastic about it. Sure his first time may have been with a really excited boy, but that had been so clumsy, Kei could barely count it. When he had been with Tadashi, there had always been a certain level of disinterest no matter how earnest his ex was. Kei found himself sighing over that thought passing through his mind, and the excitement pooling in his stomach twisted into a small bit of anxiety. He supposed it showed on his face, because Tetsurou was there cupping his cheek again.

“Hey, are you alright?” he asked, calm and sweet. Kei swallowed, but he nodded.

“Yeah, just processing this. It’s new…” he said. Tetsurou leaned in and kissed Kei, lightly… slowly…

“I know…” he whispered. “It’s okay if you think about him.”

Kei understood what Tetsurou’s intentions with that was. He had seen Kei break down over memories of Tadashi before, and was simply reassuring him and comforting him. It was a little awkward, that strange feeling hanging in his head. The memories of the past and his desires in the present made for this confusing soup of emotions if he thought about it too much, but then he _really_ looked at Tetsurou, gold meeting gold, and his other words from before echoed in his mind.

_It doesn’t have to be complicated…_

_...be together, relax and have some fun…_

If he kept that concept close, he didn’t have to worry about the bigger picture and he could just let himself rest easy with Tetsurou.

Kei gave Tetsurou a small smile, one that was actually genuine for once and he kissed him again.

“Well, what did you have in mind?” he asked against his lips. It was Tetsurou’s turn to smile.

Not breaking eye contact with Kei, Tetsurou shifted himself back and sat against the headboard, relaxing himself against it and opening his legs. He patted the spot between them, gesturing for Kei to sit there. Kei didn’t ask, he simply crawled over next to Tetsurou and once he was close enough, the man guided the blond to rest his back against his chest. As Kei relaxed, Tetsurou removed his glasses for him and placed them on the night table. Tetsurou then wrapped his arms around Kei’s waist and hugged him tightly, resting his chin on the blond’s shoulder and pressing their cheeks together. He placed a kiss there for good measure. Kei still wasn’t quite sure what Tetsurou had planned, especially in that position but his body heat alone was enough to make Kei melt against him. He felt Tetsurou’s lips brush against his ear.

“Is it okay if I touch you?” he whispered. Kei let out the smallest of gasps, both surprised at the boldness and turned on at the request. This was so strange. Was it normal for one’s blood to be pumping this fast over a simple question?

“Y-yes…” Kei stammered, finding himself ridiculously flustered. He’d find his confidence again later, he was sure, but not now…

Kei couldn’t see Tetsurou’s face, but he could feel the man’s eyes scan down the front of his body and hear his heavy breaths near his neck. He watched as Tetsurou let his hand trail over his knee and up his thigh, gentle fingers dragging over his skin until the flaps of his robe were pushed away. Kei felt the rise and fall of Tetsurou’s chest on his back, noticed how the motions were bigger once his cock was out in the open. Kei couldn’t deny that his heart raced faster too knowing that Tetsurou’s eyes were glued to him, that the sight of Kei’s body was actually exciting him. It felt really good…

Kei watched Tetsurou’s hand softly massage his inner thigh, his other hand slowly working on untying the belt of the robe. He pulled it loose, and let the entire robe fall open, pushing the garment away and gliding his hand over Kei’s stomach at the same time.

“Ah…” Kei moaned, leaning his head back on Tetsurou’s shoulder. Tetsurou grazed his lips against Kei’s neck as he moved his hands over the crease of the blond’s groin, relaxing the tendon and letting Kei’s legs rest flush against his own.

“Kei…” Tetsurou whispered against his neck and dragging his lips up to kiss Kei’s earlobe. They hadn’t even been at it for long and Kei already felt like he was going crazy. He felt himself twitch, his hips moving unconsciously towards Tetsurou’s hand that hadn’t yet touched him where he needed. He felt the short breaths of gentle laughter come from Tetsurou. “A little faster than this, then?” he asked.

“No… Keep going like this…” Kei replied. His hips had acted out of his control but he was really enjoying the way Tetsurou was touching his body and wasn’t exactly interested in speeding past it. He let a few small sounds escape his throat as Tetsurou neared his length. His fingers were dancing just next to the base and brushing through the hair that was around there.

As soft and gentle as his other motions, Tetsurou curled his fingers one by one around the base of Kei’s cock, and kept his grip loose as he glided his fingertips over the length, reaching the supple tip. Kei sighed in pleasure, body trembling in anticipation as Tetsurou repeated the motion, back and forth, until his hand slowly formed a real grip, pulling back and pumping gently.

Kei’s breath shook out of him as he brought a hand up to touch Tetsurou’s face, feeling a soft cheek dusted with stubble under his fingertips. Tetsurou leaned into the touch and hummed appreciatively.

“You look so good like this,” Tetsurou whispered hotly against Kei’s shoulder. Kei’s breath hitched at the perfectly timed words and thumb running over the head.

“Sh-shut up,” Kei protested in a broken voice. He supposed he was too far gone to sound threatening now. He heard Tetsurou chuckle softly behind him.

“I really mean it,” he continued, just as serious as before. “Your voice and your skin and just,” Tetsurou paused to sigh. “You’re gorgeous is what I’m trying to say.”

A rush of heat ran through Kei’s body yet again, though his cheeks seemed to be where most of his warmth was.

“You’re shameless,” Kei teased.

“And you’re sassy considering I hold your orgasm in my hands,” Tetsurou shot back.

That was enough to set a different fire ablaze in Kei, though nothing less exciting. He smirked and gave a dry laugh.

“Really? I mean, this is nice and all but I’m fine on my own,” he said confidently, despite the pleasured tremor in his voice.

“Is that so?” Tetsurou mused, almost a challenge. Kei felt up to it. He wasn’t used to this kind of exchange in bed but he found quickly that he really liked it. Kei threaded his fingers in Tetsurou’s hair, pulling him close and whispered against his skin.

“Do you want to watch me?” he asked back, slowly easing out of his grip as Kei leaned out of the hold.

Robe still dangling from his body, Kei made a few simple movements to turn and face Tetsurou, kneeling in front of him and finally getting an eyeful of the man who was hidden behind him before. Kei’s breath grew heavier at the sight.

Tetsurou’s robe still covered him below, but the garment hung off his shoulders, revealing a sharp collar bone and heaving chest. Parted lips and damp, disheveled hair made Kei want to pounce back and devour him, but that’s not why he was kneeling there to begin with.

He was feeling a bit more shy as he became conscious of his impassioned decision, but for his pride’s sake, he pushed through, slowly bringing his hand down to wrap around himself. He relaxed back on his heels upon feeling the relief of his own touch. He stroked a few languid motions and forced himself to keep his eyes open so that he could see Tetsurou’s reaction.

Tetsurou’s face was so red as he tried to hide the bottom half of his expression behind his hand. His other arm was tensely propped up between his legs as if he were trying to restrain every bit of his being.

“What’s wrong?” Kei asked, his voice breathy as he rubbed over himself. “Is this not good?” he asked, very much teasing. He heard Tetsurou grunt again.

“You know damn well it’s good,” Tetsurou replied with a smile, taking a breath to relax his body and reaching down to untie his robe, never breaking eye contact with Kei. The blond swallowed at the sight, and Tetsurou’s motions felt like they were drawn out forever as Kei watched him slowly reveal himself, opening the robe and showing Kei the honest truth.

It was an eyeful, that was certain, and Kei wasn’t sure if he even deserved to lay eyes on what he was seeing. Tetsurou was all hard muscle and tanned skin and the length that stood tall between his legs was enough to let Kei know just how real this was. That Tetsurou was looking at him and wanting him, and Kei honestly couldn’t stand to have this distance between them any longer.

He would have pounced, but he quickly remembered just how slow and gentle Tetsurou had been with him and he wanted to return the favor. Kei let himself go and shifted forward, reached out a hand and let his fingers hover just over the rise and fall of Tetsurou’s chest. He stared hard at the area for a second, then glanced up to catch Tetsurou’s gaze.

“Can I touch you?” he asked, mirroring Tetsurou’s earlier request. Tetsurou reached for Kei’s hand and pushed at the back of it so that he could press the blond’s palm to his chest, tightly against his thumping heartbeat.

“Please,” Tetsurou whispered, and the subtle sound washed over Kei in a warm wave. Slowly Kei leaned in closer, gliding his hand over the contrast of Tetsurou’s soft skin and hard lines, over his chest and down to rest on his waist as he pressed their lips together. Tetsurou was no stranger either as he ran his hands along Kei’s neck and shoulders, and then down to his arms so that he could shrug off the rest of that pesky robe one arm at a time. Kei did the same for Tetsurou. Before they could even stop to think about it, they were on each other’s lips again, newly bare and nestling into each other, hands trailing over warm skin and just basking in the closeness.

Kei’s head was spinning, but he felt ridiculously good and he couldn’t even put it into words. Didn’t want to put it into words because he just wanted to keep feeling this, together in his own little world with Tetsurou.

They had laid down at some point, and their kiss finally started to ease off into gentle glides and pecks. Tetsurou pulled back a bit and opened his eyes. Kei did the same to meet his gaze and he was greeted with Tetsurou’s shy smile.

“Hey,” he said softly.

It was only a simple word, but even knowing they had the option to talk about what kind of position they were in right now made Kei’s face turn red.

“Hi,” Kei replied lamely.

“So this happened,” Tetsurou said with a soft chuckle. The sound made Kei smirk ever so slightly.

“Hm, yes…” he said, knowing full well that Tetsurou was trying to lighten the heavier moment, probably in an attempt to keep their heads clear and keep things fun like he said they would be. Kei felt Tetsurou’s fingers brush against his cheek and along his jaw, a motion that he had really taken a liking to recently but Kei couldn’t complain. Honestly, he almost felt spoiled with the care and attention Tetsurou was giving to him. “Are you always like this in bed?” Kei found himself asking as he leaned into the touch.

“Like what?” Tetsurou asked softly.

“Just like this… Gentle and... Attentive? I guess...” Kei mused. There was a flicker of curiosity in Tetsurou’s eye.

“Really? I never really noticed, but, I don’t know, I guess there’s just something about you that makes me want to be like that,” Tetsurou said as he ran his warm hand over Kei’s side.

“I’m not _that_ delicate…” Kei muttered but Tetsurou shook his head.

“I know that, but it’s more like… savouring. Does that make sense?”

Kei’s grip tightened on Tetsurou’s shoulder at the question. They were definitely on the same page here. Kei wanted to hold on to this feeling as well.

“Yes,” he said, and he shifted in closer on the word, pressing his body flush against Tetsurou’s and really liking how they fit together.

Tetsurou hummed deep in his throat, and Kei felt the vibration rumble through him from his chest, all the way down into his toes. He got taken over by the moment again, tethered to their own little world by the pull of Tetsurou’s breath against his lips, and then they were kissing again, melting into each other’s taste and touch.

Kei let his hand wander over Tetsurou’s side, feeling the strength and sharpness of his hip before he worked up the courage to trail between them, forming a loose grip around Tetsurou’s cock. A muffled moan in his mouth let Kei know that had been the right move, and his grip tightened a bit as he began to pump at a steady pace. Moving like liquid, Tetsurou kissed Kei’s lips one last time before elegantly shifting to his neck. Kei’s earlier fantasy was now made a reality and it seemed like reality was even better than he had imagined.

Urged on by frantic breaths, Kei found himself rubbing against his hand and what he was gripping, causing sweet friction between him and Tetsurou. Kei swore he was already addicted to the sound of Tetsurou’s voice in such a state, the quick breaths and frequent small moans deep in his throat was enough to make Kei’s head spin, and honestly, he would have been happy with getting off just like that, and he was about to before Tetsurou moved a hand down to ease the pace.

“Dammit, that feels way too good,” Tetsurou said, more of a grunt than anything but it was all music to Kei’s ears.

“Yeah,” Kei breathlessly agreed.

“I have stuff in my bag if you want to… Go all the way?” Tetsurou asked through his panting and Kei’s cock twitched at the question.

He hadn’t exactly thought that far ahead. Getting off like this was one thing but for one of them to actually be inside the other… Was that… Was that something he wanted?

Kei had told himself to not overthink this, but there were still parts of him that were unsure. A huge part of who he had always been was that if he was going to do something, he’d have to be completely sure that it wouldn’t be a disaster, for his pride’s sake mostly… But then, that hadn’t stopped him when it came to Tadashi…

He wondered for a split second if that was going to be his curse through any romantic encounter, but then it occurred to him - this wasn’t exactly supposed to be romantic, was it? That’s right, it was only supposed to be relaxed and fun, and it was. Tetsurou was in front of him, close enough to kiss and touch and be whoever Kei wanted him to be. Even if Kei refused it all right then and there, they’d still go back to dumb conversations and watching television, and it was there that Kei saw the positive parallel in the relationships he sought.

It didn’t matter what he and Tetsurou did because it would end up with casual banter and a snide remark, and that realization probably comforted Kei the most.

“Okay,” Kei answered, his voice a bit softer and slightly shy after mulling over the request for a few seconds. Tetsurou smiled at him, leaned in to kiss him and then quickly sprung to his feet once he pulled back. He padded over to where his bag was and dug out a strip of condoms and a very familiar looking bottle. “Hey,” Kei accused as Tetsurou stepped back over to the bed and sat down.

“Okay, so not _all_ this stuff is mine, but at least this bottle won’t be lonely in your glove compartment anymore,” Tetsurou teased with a waggly brow. Kei scoffed out a laugh and smirked at what an idiot this man was.

Except that a bit of shyness had slipped back onto Tetsurou’s previously cocky face and Kei’s heart skipped a beat over how adorable he could be too. Damn it…

“So uh…” Tetsurou spoke up again, “...Do you want to be on top or…?”

Kei blinked in surprise because he wasn’t expecting the question. He had become so accustomed to just letting Tadashi take him that it had become the norm. He never really gave much thought to doing it the other way around…

“I’ve never actually topped… Before…” Kei muttered, and it was Tetsurou’s turn to blink in surprise.

“Seriously?” he asked, a large grin soon sweeping over his face and he scratched at his cheek bashfully. “Well then, wanna give it a try?”

“What? Really?”

“Well yeah, I mean, I’ve already done both. If you’ve never topped before then I can try to make it really good for you,” Tetsurou offered. It was kind of funny seeing him like that, Kei thought. Tetsurou came off as some kind of smug bastard who could get anybody he wanted in bed but he was so thoughtful and kind of shy and even a bit unsure about his own ability. It became apparent to Kei why he had been so unlucky with one-night stands before. Deep down, Tetsurou was just a huge softy and knowing that only made the butterflies in Kei’s stomach flutter even more.

Stupid Tetsurou…

Kei reached out for him and tugged at his arm, pulling Tetsurou on top of him and kissing him firmly, almost to prove a point. Even though Kei was struggling with coming to terms with a lot of things all at once, that didn’t diminish Tetsurou’s presence at all. Kei wanted to make sure Tetsurou knew he wanted to make him feel good too.

“Kei…” Tetsurou whispered the blond’s name against his lips as he shifted to open the bottle he hadn’t let go of. The man leaned back on his knees, leaving Kei to look up at Tetsurou who was already squeezing lube onto his fingers. It took the blond a second to process what was going on, and he reached out for Tetsurou’s wrist in order to stop him and offer to do it but Tetsurou simply shook his head and smiled.

“You let me watch you, now you can watch me,” Tetsurou said, a slight tremor in his voice as he reached around himself at the same time. Kei found himself speechless and unable to protest for he was already captivated by the sight hovering over him. Kei tried his best to keep his breathing under control as he watched, licked his lips to calm himself as Tetsurou’s entire body stretched and flexed with each motion.

Kei couldn’t see what Tetsurou was doing back there, but he didn’t need to, not when the man’s face was relaxed in pleasure that dripped over his entire body. Oh God, he needed to touch him so badly…

Through a heavy breath, Kei reached out to glide his fingers down Tetsurou’s stomach, his digits mapping out the creases of the man’s abs and sliding them smoothly across the V of his hips. As if guided in that direction, Kei’s motion continued to the base of Tetsurou’s length and before he could slide his fingers over that, he looked up to see Tetsurou’s face once more.

The man’s lips fell slack against a moan. Kei thought absently that he must have found his sweet spot. He smirked as he wrapped his fingers around the shaft, not hesitating to pump along with the rhythm of Tetsurou’s arm, attempting to add to the man’s pleasure.

“Ah, Kei, be careful,” Tetsurou lightly warned. Even through his wrecked voice he could still sound amused and Kei raised a brow at him.

“Hm?” he questioned, almost challengingly, assuming he knew what Tetsurou was going to say.

“You don’t want me to spill it before you get in there, do you?”

Kei almost felt like laughing because that was the exact question he had thought of. He pumped one more time before letting go and laying back to relax again.

“We’d have time to try again,” was all Kei said. Tetsurou stopped for a moment to stare, and Kei wasn’t sure what was up that time. Had he said something wrong?

It only took a short moment for that shy smile to curl back over Tetsurou’s face as he continued on with his task.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” he agreed, and Kei couldn’t mistake the fondness in his voice.

He then linked up the reaction to what Tetsurou had told him about his encounters before and figured that maybe this was a bit different for him. Then again, Kei really had no way in knowing, and he wasn’t exactly sure if now was the right time to ask, not when Tetsurou was being so damn sexy as he worked himself open just for Kei. The blonde swallowed at the thought and soon his mind was flooded with that concept of enthusiasm again.

He still couldn’t believe how good it felt to be wanted, and he wanted to show Tetsurou the same amount of desire.

Kei placed his hands on Tetsurou’s hips to get the man’s attention. Tetsurou chuckled softly.

“I’m almost ready,” he assured, and Kei didn’t know why that made him smile, but it did. He gestured for Tetsurou to bend down and meet him, and he kissed him deeply when he did, just as Tetsurou swiped over a particularly sensitive spot inside of himself and Kei practically swallowed his moan. Neither of them were going to last very long, were they?

“Kind of wish I could help you out,” Kei said softly after the kiss. Tetsurou preparing himself on top of him like that was almost too much and Kei just wanted to touch him again. Tetsurou smirked.

“Reach around and feel,” he suggested. “That’ll be you soon enough.”

Kei swallowed as he did just that, reaching around Tetsurou and gently feeling around the fingers that were sunk deep within him. Three of them already…

Kei pulled his hand back, a small smile curved at his lips even with his heart skipping a beat in anticipation. He glanced around for that strip Tetsurou had brought over. Kei figured he’d prepare himself too while waiting.

Tetsurou rose on his knees again to let Kei have enough room to roll a condom on, and there was a brief moment when their eyes met after that where Kei realized just how real this was, that he was here with the random guy who wouldn’t leave his car. The one that put up with his moods and helped him get to the point he was now. With the man he opened up to and shared more with than most. The one that had been so easy to trust…

Kei didn’t know what the future was going to be like. He didn’t know how he was going to get home on his own or deal with Tadashi or his daily life again. He didn’t know if he’d ever see Tetsurou again after this trip…

...But he _did_ know that he wanted to leave his mark and he wanted Tetsurou to leave a mark on him. He wanted to feel and remember what it was like to step out of the darkness and he wanted Tetsurou to be engraved in his memory when he thought about it…

He hoped that he’d leave a similar impression on Tetsurou…

The man grunted and Kei finally saw the hand that had been working so hard this whole time. Tetsurou opened his eyes to look at Kei and he nodded his head.

“Are you ready?” he asked, reaching back again to take hold of Kei’s cock, guiding it and letting it glide against his entrance, slick, open and definitely ready to go. Kei could feel the heat at the tip of his length and he almost had to shake himself out of his lustful stupor to answer the question.

“Like this?” he asked. He wanted to know if Tetsurou was okay with this position, but those were all the words he could get out.

“Of course,” Tetsurou said, reassuring even through his hoarse voice.

Kei felt a shiver roll through his body, electricity in his stomach and all he could do was focus on Tetsurou. Kei was going to say something in return, but no words could fully convey what he was feeling. He simply pulled Tetsurou in for a kiss and hoped he could pass along the message.

The man didn’t seem as lost as Kei, and in fact only served to make the blond’s mind spin even more as Tetsurou slowly inched himself over Kei’s cock, slowly enveloping him and surrounding him with a tight, blazing heat.

“Holy fuck…” Kei breathed, his hand clapping over his mouth so that he could keep his expression under control. So that’s what it felt like… It was an entirely new sensation compared to having somebody inside of him, but a lot of things about this were new, and Kei’s chest and head felt light. A shortness of breath, or perhaps the overwhelming sensation of everything hitting him all at once? Either way, Kei needed to cling to something, to tether himself to earth so that he wouldn’t float away, and Tetsurou was the sturdiest thing he could latch onto.

Tetsurou began to move then, not leaving all that much up to Kei. When the man had told him that he’d make Kei feel good, he wasn’t lying. Tetsurou knew just how to move to bring pleasure to both of them, and Kei quickly became a quivering mess underneath him. Tetsurou wasn’t much better though, not when his arms began to tremble under his weight and his breathing pooled heavily in Kei’s neck. They probably wouldn’t last much longer but Kei wanted to do something before it was over.

“Tetsurou,” he whispered, half impassioned, half trying to get the man’s attention. “Tetsurou, let me…” he said, and when Tetsurou looked up, Kei shifted and gestured for them to change positions. Tetsurou had been so good to him, Kei desperately wanted to give back. He wanted Tetsurou to relax while Kei pushed him towards his orgasm.

Tetsurou nodded his head in understanding, even shyly bit his bottom lip when he realized what Kei was going to do for him. They managed to work out a simple way to flip over so that Kei could be on top, and once he was settled back in comfortably, he met Tetsurou’s gaze to get the go ahead.

“I’m really close,” Tetsurou breathed. “Whatever you do right now is going to blow my mind.”

“So, I’m being set to a low standard, is what you’re saying,” Kei said, raising a brow as he thrusted in slow and deep. Honestly, he was only teasing at that point but Tetsurou’s reaction to things was always amusing to see and it seemed like he was also in the mood to play.

“Kei, you have no idea how high my standards are going to be after this,” Tetsurou said, the last bit of his sentence broke slightly in his throat, and even though Kei was feeling the pleasured pulse around his cock, the words that Tetsurou had uttered sent a pulse straight to his heart. Damn it, he was blushing again…

Kei simply masked it with more thrusts, in and out, pace quickening as neither of them had any mind left for words. Kei leaned in close, caught Tetsurou’s lips in a sloppy kiss as he reached down to stroke him as well. Tetsurou drew his legs together to keep Kei close and they hung onto whatever they could as the speed, friction and heat pushed them over the edge, leaving them trembling and quivering in the aftershocks of their climax.

Trying his best to catch his breath, Kei stayed like that on top of Tetsurou for a little bit longer before mustering up the courage to face him in the aftermath. He couldn’t believe they had just done that, that he had so willingly had sex with Tetsurou. However, what could have been a vulnerable moment open to let the anxieties sink in again was one that Tetsurou filled with laughter, much to Kei’s confusion.

“What the…” Kei murmured, too blissed out to really be angry and even less so when he saw Tetsurou’s gorgeous smile light up his entire face.

“Ha ha! I’m sorry!” he exclaimed, trying to quell his hoots of laughter. “It’s just… That felt really good, like stupid good and I just-” Tetsurou snorted in laughter again, interrupting himself and Kei was surprisingly way too charmed by his behavior. He gazed as Tetsurou’s laughter bubbled up to a crest and then finally calmed down, showing the most peaceful of expressions over the man’s face as he gazed back at Kei. “Yes, really good,” he confirmed and all Kei could do was lean in to kiss him.

No urgency filled their desire for contact, they both just eased back into something soft and warm and comfortable.

It didn’t need a name, it didn’t need to be explained, all they needed was this moment between them where nothing felt hazy and everything seemed clear...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELP! That was my monster chapter 8'D I can't say if any chapter after this will be this long, I don't think it will be, but aaah~ I hope you guys liked this one. Definitely let me know what you thought! ;u;
> 
> As always you can come yell at me on my tumblr [HERE](http://sheenaxzelos.tumblr.com/) ! Thanks for reading! :D


	10. The Rift of Abandonment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re home already? What did I tell you?” Kenma said, much more harshly than Kei thought his small stature was capable of. It was clear these two went way back.
> 
> “Not to come back until I’m rested, but I’m rested! Look, isn’t this the face of someone who’s rested?” Kei couldn’t see Tetsurou’s face but it was clear from Kenma’s sour expression that he wasn’t convinced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm baaaack! :D And with too many feelings, so, I hope you guys enjoy! C:

Clothes  were pretty much forgotten for the rest of the night, not that it was a huge deal. It simply meant that their activities could continue without any restriction, and after a bit of rest, Tetsurou couldn’t help but ask for a second round, and then almost a third, but by then it was around three in the morning and they were both pretty much falling asleep on each other. 

...And Kei breathed easily. So easily.

The lights were off but the moon was bright, pouring in through the window and painting the bed silver. Kei slid his hands down Tetsurou’s strong back in an attempt to wake the man up before he actually  _ did _ fall asleep on top of him, mid-move.

“Hey, Tetsurou. It’s not very polite to say you’re going to rock somebody’s world and then pass out,” Kei said, quietly and not angry at all. Tetsurou groaned against Kei’s chest before sluggishly pulling himself up.

“Did I... Really say that?” he asked, all the sleep in the world piled on top of his voice. Kei let out a breath of laughter.

“You muttered it post-orgasm number two,” Kei replied. Tetsurou smirked lazily, as if he had just told the most amazing joke in the world and was very proud of it, but the truth was that he was probably so sleepy he didn’t even know what he was smiling about anymore. Or maybe he did, because the way he looked at Kei after his giggle spoke worlds about how he felt. Kei swallowed. He was impressed that his heart could still pound after all they had done throughout the evening, but he welcomed it. He welcomed it with open arms…

Kei wasn’t sure if his gaze revealed too much, but he was thankful and appreciative and Tetsurou’s face and body was honestly far too gorgeous in the moonlight to look any other way. He sighed, ran his hands down the man’s chest and sides then slowly back up to cup his face and Tetsurou relished in every touch. It was an amazing feeling so warm and in tune with Tetsurou like that, breathing each other in and just enjoying each other was something Kei had never truly experienced. He didn’t think he ever wanted or needed to, really, but Tetsurou’s kiss has opened his eyes, his body the key to the floodgates and Kei’s heart had burst free.

It was a bit dangerous, admittedly, because experiencing this kind of touch with an open heart was just asking for trouble and Kei was far from being secure, but this felt different. He didn’t mind being a bit vulnerable when Tetsurou was giving him everything he had too. They were both feeling and breathing and soaking up each moment of the night while they could, because they both had a reality to get back to tomorrow.

Kei could tell that he and Tetsurou wanted to cling to the fantasy for as long as possible without saying it outright. It had probably been that way the whole time really, considering how neither of them really ever wanted to sleep.

Amidst a soft, lingering kiss, Tetsurou  _ did _ roll off of Kei, though he didn’t go far, simply plopping down next to him and pulling the blond in close to his chest.

It was all warm, so warm, and what was a hard chest he was biting at not thirty minutes ago, was suddenly the softest and most comforting place to be.

He was really going to miss this, wasn’t he? Kei sighed.

“Kei?” Tetsurou asked. “Are you alright?”

_ What a question… _

“Yeah,” Kei said shortly, albeit shaky. He hadn’t been about to…

“I just wanted to make sure you still felt okay about what we did here. You uh… You don’t regret it or anything do you?”

Kei took that moment to escape his cocoon of warmth for a second and flick Tetsurou on the forehead.

“Idiot,” Kei said with all the kindness that remained in him. Kei was smiling once Tetsurou opened his eyes post-flinch.

“Can you really blame me for asking?” he said and Kei shrugged, because asking that was fair enough.

“No, I guess it wouldn’t really be  _ you _ if you didn’t,” Kei replied, nestling himself back against Tetsurou’s chest. The man in question remained stiff and hesitant. “I appreciate it though, that you’re like that,” Kei added, and that seemed to be enough to get Tetsurou to relax again.

“I just want…” Tetsurou started but Kei felt the man shake his head. The blond looked up to eye him and it almost looked as if Tetsurou had been caught doing something but he brushed it off with a charming smile. “I want us to have fun tomorrow too,” he quickly recovered. Kei didn’t know what he was about to say, well he had an idea of course but Tetsurou wouldn’t say that, not like this.

“Show me a good place to eat pizza and we might,” Kei deadpanned, deciding to roll with the happier atmosphere Tetsurou chose.

“You got it,” the man said warmly.

There was an underlying bittersweetness to the end of their journey that neither of them really wanted to face, at least that’s what Kei thought. It really wasn’t the time for that anyway, not when they both had so much shit to deal with already. This was only meant to be fun, and it was, of course it was.

...But as Kei layed back down and slowly drifted to sleep, he still wanted to cling to the wee hours of the morning where all he had to worry about was his arm falling asleep under Tetsurou’s weight.

 

+++

 

The morning came like a pile of bricks to the face. A lot of it was mostly due to lack of rest, but the heaviness in Kei’s head wasn’t all from sleep deprivation. Waking up next to Tetsurou should have been like a dream, the warm glow of the sunrise just outside the window while being surrounded by a comforting heat, but Kei couldn’t notice any of that.

He woke up grim.

He woke up realizing that this had to end today. Not just Tetsurou’s company but also his time away from home. Of course he could still chill on the road for a while, but it wouldn’t help. Even if HItoka had called his family, he could still hear Akiteru’s anxious whining in his head.

The subtle lump in his throat from the night before had swollen large enough to close the path. He was honestly more scared of this than he thought. It felt so far away before but now he…

...He couldn’t breathe.

Kei gasped and sat up, flinging himself out of Tetsurou’s hold and waking the man up as a consequence.

“Kei? Kei!” Tetsurou panicked, his arms flying out to hold Kei again but the blond held out his arm to stop the touch, and perhaps to also tell Tetsurou not to worry.

Kei took a deep breath. It was getting easier to fix these problems even though he thought he was past them. Just a moment of weakness, he supposed.

“Sorry,” Kei breathed, turning his head weakly to make eye contact. “I woke you up.”

“You really think that’s what I’m worried about right now?” Tetsurou asked, trying to keep his voice as calm as possible.

“No, but…” Kei trailed off, his reflex being to just ignore things and sidestep, but Tetsurou had never been one to back down from rough topics and he had always been open to listening. Kei figured it was about time he gave into such generous help without a struggle. He took a deep breath. “It’s honestly not that big of a deal, I just panicked for a second thinking about… Well, thinking about today.”

Kei’s eyes scanned over Tetsurou’s face, clearly trying to process what the blond had just said before giving him a curious look.

“What’s so bad about today?” Tetsurou asked dumbly. He seemed so lost and it was kind of cute so a small smile pulled at Kei’s lips. The blond supposed his mind had really jumped leaps and bounds to get into such a state again, it was no wonder Tetsurou hadn’t been able to keep up. Kei felt a bit dumb himself.

“Nothing inherently, I guess. I was just thinking about getting to New York and finally calling home. It freaked me out a bit and I panicked,” he confessed.

“Kei…” Tetsurou sighed. Not a second later, Kei felt a strong arm wrap around his shoulders, and that beautiful comforting warmth was surrounding him again. He felt the gentle press of lips against his cheek as a fluttering bonus. “You know you can stay at my place for as long as you want, right? I mean, well, I guess I hadn’t exactly offered that before, but you can, I-”

“I know,” Kei interrupted, because of course he did. Tetsurou was nothing if not generous and him being able to stay at his place almost went without saying, but generosity could also lead to being spoiled, and Kei knew he didn’t deserve that much. At least, he couldn’t  _ let _ himself be spoiled like that. “I just… I shouldn’t get too comfortable because it’s…”

Only temporary? Is what he wanted to say but that felt harsh and way too  _ final _ to be correct. Nothing about knowing Tetsurou had to be temporary, but he supposed being next to him was, and it was then that Kei realized just how much he had come to rely on Tetsurou in such a short amount of time. How had he even let that happen…

“...Dammit,” Kei muttered out loud, and of all things, he couldn’t believe that he started to laugh.

“W-what? What’s so funny?” Tetsurou asked, slightly alarmed. He let go of Kei since the blond was trembling so much.

“You,” Kei said as he laid back to catch his breath. Tetsurou looked down at him, confusion and anxiety warping his face and making Kei laugh even harder. Tetsurou’s morning hair didn’t make the situation any better, either.

“What about me?”

“I just can’t believe that the idiot who thought stealing my wallet would be a good way to win me over, actually did,” Kei managed to say and Tetsurou still seemed confused but the blond’s laughter had etched a charming smile on the man’s face.

“So who’s the real idiot here?” Tetsurou asked, and Kei snorted at the question because-

“We kind of both are.”

...And that was when Tetsurou started laughing too, the beautiful sound bubbling up and out into the newly peaceful mood of the room as he laid back down beside Kei to catch his breath in turn. The blond couldn’t help but watch as the laughter reached its peak and then slowly faded off as Tetsurou met his gaze once more. He looked really good like that, smile still wide with wild chunks of black hair covering the traces of happy tears in his eyes. He didn’t want to rely on Tetsurou, but Kei couldn’t possibly feel anxious in the presence of a face like that.

“You know,” Tetsurou started, “Our little fantasy doesn’t have to end until we actually put clothes on.”

Kei smirked.

“And who made up those rules?”

Tetsurou paused and glanced off to the side before shyly looking back at Kei a moment later.

“Me.”

Kei leaned in to kiss that infuriating smirk away.

 

+++

 

Kei took a few deep breaths after his shower. Of course, they didn’t have too much time left to dawdle in the hotel room after rounds three and four, but if they were forced to pay for an extra night, Kei wouldn’t  _ exactly _ be opposed…

However, even if  _ he _ didn’t have anywhere to go today, he knew Tetsurou was on a bit of a time limit so he finished getting dressed and went back out into the room. He snorted when he saw Tetsurou.

“What’s the matter?” Kei asked, smugly looking down at the freshly showered and dressed man that was laying face down on the bed. Tetsurou turned his head just enough to talk.

“I can barely stand,” he groaned.

“I offered to bottom on that last go,” Kei pointed out. Tetsurou smirked lazily.

“Well, I don’t know if I’ll ever have sex that good again, so I couldn’t help myself…”

Kei’s words evaporated on his tongue as he felt his cheeks heat up.

“Get up, idiot,” Kei grumbled, grabbing one of Tetsurou’s arms and flinging it just to make a point in an attempt to dodge that comment altogether. Tetsurou snickered the entire time and finally rolled over to get up as Kei shook his head.

The blond walked over to where he had stashed his bag the night before and realizing they only had about ten minutes left with the room, decided to make sure he had everything before they checked out. All of his clothes and diminishing toiletries seemed to be in place but there was one object tucked into an inside pocket that caught his eye and made him pause.

“Hm…” he hummed out loud at the sight: his phone still dead and hidden away. He wondered if he could turn it on today. Even after the mess that was him waking up earlier, he felt it easy enough to recover and it had only been a brief rush of panic. Would talking to his family at the very least be so hard?

Kei felt a warm weight lean over his back.

“Hey, ready to check ou-... oh,” Tetsurou said, stalling once he realized what Kei was looking at.

“Ah, yeah, yeah… I’m ready, let’s go,” Kei rushed out, closing his bag and stepping forward abruptly. Tetsurou remained where he stood and looked at the blond.

“Were you thinking of calling home today?” he asked gently, knowing that the whole topic was still a bit sensitive. Kei paused.

“Maybe,” was his short answer but then he took a deep breath. “I mean, I should call my brother at least. I was living with him when I left so he’s probably the most worked up…”

Tetsurou smiled sweetly at his answer and Kei could feel his face heat up again. The guy was smiling like he knew too much, hell, probably thought the idea of Kei with a doting brother was absolutely adorable, but Kei didn’t want to talk about it. He clicked his tongue and turned away to leave but Tetsurou quickly hopped forth to catch up with him and slung an arm over his shoulder.

“We can charge it in the car, and you can call once we get in town. How does that sound?” he asked. Kei thought about it for a moment before nodding. Yeah, that sounded good.

“Let’s get on the road,” Kei said. Tetsurou squeezed his shoulder reassuringly.

“I’ll follow your lead.”

 

+++

 

They weren’t very far from the city at all, and after only a bit of driving, Kei could start seeing the skyline in the distance. There was something breathtaking about the sight, a bit heart pounding, and Kei found it difficult to peel his eyes away from the horizon to look out at the road in front of him. He felt strangely okay, mixed in with a slight jitter of nerves under his skin. As they rolled closer, Kei could actually feel the harsh thumping in his chest begin to calm to a steadier pace.

He and Tetsurou didn’t talk much during the ride, as if they both knew that saying too much would probably upset the peace. Tetsurou could feel at ease that Kei was at ease and it was a great give and take they had going on, quietly calming each other with the other’s presence. It was probably what they both needed in that moment.

Kei thought about what he was going to say to Akiteru once he reached town, thought about what he could lead off with but his anticipation didn’t make him nervous, it was simply a natural train of thought. Kei glanced next to him and noticed that Tetsurou had drifted off to sleep at some point.

_ Relaxed bastard… _

...But that also probably wasn’t completely the case and Kei was happy to see that Tetsurou felt safe enough in that moment to doze off. It felt good.

Kei felt good.

“Hey, Tetsurou,” Kei gently called as the buildings began to get more than a little tall. Thankfully his voice was loud enough to get Tetsurou to snore himself out of his cat nap.

“Heh!? What!?” he yelled, a bit too startled and alarmed.

“I think we made it.”

Tetsurou blinked himself awake and leaned forward to get the full view out the front window.

"Well, would you look at that! Home sweet home~” Tetsurou sing-songed, and Kei allowed himself to smile, because damn had they been on an adventure.

“Where do you want me to go from here? I’m pretty sure I’m already lost,” Kei said, and Tetsurou hummed as he got his bearings. He pointed out a direction and Kei followed, happy to take a figurative back seat and follow Tetsurou’s lead for a bit.

 

+++

 

“This isn’t your apartment at all,” Kei deadpanned, as Tetsurou plopped a plate in front of him that carried a heaping slice of New York style pizza.

“Pfft, I wish it was,” Tetsurou said as he sat down next to Kei. The man had led the blond to some restaurant on a street corner. Where Kei had thought that maybe Tetsurou lived upstairs, he quickly realized that wasn’t the case once the man had sat him down on a stool inside. It was a simple bar-like setup that overlooked the street, and Kei found himself just a bit overwhelmed at the bustle outside. Luckily the restaurant was pretty quiet. “I figured we could use some supper before going back to my place. I don’t exactly have any groceries,” he added before sinking his teeth into his own slice of pizza. Kei observed him for a moment before eyeing his plate. Well, he supposed he  _ did _ ask for pizza earlier…

Kei took a bite and was pleased with the taste so he continued to chomp without a word. A few bites in and the blond could sense the distinct feeling of eyes on him, and while that would probably be normal for being in such a crowded place, he knew exactly who was looking at him.

“You’re staring again,” Kei said without even turning to face Tetsurou. He knew that all he would find is that goofy smile of his.

“Sorry,” Tetsurou said with a bit of a laugh. “To think there’s somebody who looks pretty even while cramming a giant slice of pizza in their face.”

“Shut up,” Kei said, but he grinned a bit regardless. Tetsurou’s charm had weaseled its way into his heart and Kei realized he was having a hard time keeping the butterflies to himself. At least he didn’t completely feel like hiding it, not after all they had done that morning and the night before. Tetsurou chuckled and reached over to ruffle Kei’s hair. Kei shoved Tetsurou in turn and nearly pushed him off the chair. The guy behind the counter yelled something about  _ ‘no funny business’ _ and they each backed off with a smirk…

 

+++

 

“Okay, I lied before.  _ Now _ it’s home, sweet home,” Tetsurou announced as he opened the door to his apartment. Kei peered inside from behind him, though he couldn’t exactly see through the darkness.

“Um,” Kei said, and it took Tetsurou a moment to realize that he needed to flick on a light. He quickly did so.

Newly illuminated, Kei got an eyeful of the small bachelor pad. It was fairly tidy, actually. A few books left out here and there but nothing really out of place. A small flat-screen television sat on a table in the corner with a sofa bed facing it in the opposite corner. There was a small kitchen nook and a few doors that Kei could only assume led to a closet and bathroom respectively.

“Like I said, it’s not much, but you can make yourself at home. I’m just gonna freshen up and stuff in the bathroom. Be back in a bit,” Tetsurou said and then left Kei to his own devices.

The blond toed off his shoes on the doormat and stepped inside. There really wasn’t all that far to go but Kei supposed that made the tour easier. It was actually kind of nice, all things considered. Cozy, clean, and if he was being really honest, the place kind of smelled like Tetsurou too and that brought him a certain comfort. He plopped his bag down next to the sofa bed and was about to just sit down and rest his eyes before they caught on to the shelf just off to the side of the television.

It was a decently sized bookshelf filled with most of the things he had probably expected. The rest of the Harry Potter series, more research journals and textbooks, a whole shelf dedicated to Dinomorphs graphic novels… But there was one thing in particular that really nabbed his attention and that was the framed photo that sat on the middle shelf.

Tetsurou looked… Well, he was absolutely adorable and Kei couldn’t hold back the snort in his throat when he realized that even as a kid, Tetsurou still had the same hair. It was ridiculous because it just looked like somebody had taken the Tetsurou he had come to know and zapped him with a shrink ray. The volleyball he was holding looked way too big for his noodle arms too, and Kei thought vaguely that Tetsurou had probably loved volleyball for a long time even way before college. He didn’t have much time to dwell on that thought though, not when there was something else in the photo next to Tetsurou. An even tinier person with silky black hair was being hugged tight in Tetsurou’s free arm, and honestly the kid didn’t seem like he wanted to be there but there was still something charming about the sour expression he wore.

“Pfft, found that old thing, did you?” Tetsurou said from behind him. Kei jumped slightly at the sudden sound but quickly relaxed when Tetsurou rested his chin on his shoulder. He reached around Kei to take the photo in his hands and held it closer to both of them.

“It wasn’t exactly hidden,” Kei deadpanned before catching a glimpse of the fond look Tetsurou had on his face. Kei looked back at the photo. “That kid looks mad at you,” he commented.

“Kenma always looks like that at me,” Tetsurou laughed, he almost sounded proud of that fact, and Kei could feel a warmth bubbling deep inside his belly because he was learning so much more about Tetsurou from a simple photo than he had over the course of their trip. Tetsurou suddenly placed the photo back down on the shelf and stood up straight. “Want me to call him? He should be well enough to hang out tonight, actually! I promised to introduce you, after all…” Tetsurou declared happily, already trailing off to go find his phone before Kei could really comprehend what he just said.

“Well enough…?” Kei said out loud as soon as it struck him. Tetsurou looked up from his phone, a little surprised over the realization over what he had said. Kei supposed it was easy to let one’s guard down once they were in the comfort of their own home, and suddenly, everything Tetsurou had been dodging made sense. The man in question smiled sadly down at his phone.

“Yeah, Kenma’s… Well, you’ll see. He’s fine really, he just… You’ll see,” Tetsurou stumbled over his words and Kei simply arched his brows sympathetically as Tetsurou pressed the call button. Regardless of Kenma’s situation though, the happy smile that spread across Tetsurou’s face when he heard the voice on the other end made Kei’s heart pound. Honestly, Tetsurou looked exactly like he had in the photo, if he were to compare.

This friendship that Tetsurou shared with Kenma, without even knowing the whole story, Kei was convinced that it was special, and it was clear that Tetsurou had treasured it for a long time…

Kei had to take a deep breath, because the parallels between this and Kei’s friendship with Tadashi was too much for the blond to think about. If Kei hadn’t fucked things up so much, would he have been able to happily answer a call from Tadashi now, as well?

Caught in the trance of his thoughts, Kei didn’t even notice when Tetsurou had stepped off into the bathroom for a bit of privacy, leaving the blond to seek out his backpack and the phone inside of it. It had been charged on the ride into town and all he had to do was turn it on. He could do it… He really wanted to do it… He-

“All set! We can pop over in an hour to-” Tetsurou said happily as he plopped himself on the couch next to Kei. He stopped once he saw what was in Kei’s hand. “Sorry, were you about to-”

“No,” Kei interrupted as he shook his head. “Well… I was… Maybe I was going to call my brother, I-”

Kei was cut off by a quick kiss on his cheek. At some point in his frenzy, Kei had forgotten that he had become so familiar with Tetsurou that something like that was just acceptable between them. It was amazing how much his kiss instantly calmed him down…

“Want me to step outside for a bit? I need to get groceries anyway,” Tetsurou offered, his voice gentle and comforting and Kei was just blown away by this man over and over again, even in the smallest of gestures.

“You don’t have to leave, I mean, I could go and-”

“And have you wandering the streets of New York at night? Not today, handsome,” Tetsurou joked as he poked the blond on the nose. He stood up and stepped over to where his shoes sat in front of the door. “I’ll be back in an hour so just… hang in there, okay?” he said softly and then turned to offer Kei a smile. Kei smiled back, small and hesitant, but Tetsurou had pulled a good reaction out of him nonetheless.

Tetsurou turned to open the door but Kei just had one more thing to say.

“Tetsurou,” he called and the man turned back around.

“Yeah?” he asked.

Kei wanted to say it directly to him but he felt too shy last minute and simply looked down at the phone in his hands.

“Thank you,” Kei said, and the blond could hear the smile in Tetsurou’s voice when he responded with-

“No problem.”

 

+++

 

Kei waited a few minutes after Tetsurou had left before turning on the phone. As he had expected, there were a few messages from his parents at the bottom, a couple from Hitoka after the night they had met and a metric ton of texts from Akiteru. He decided to ignore the very old, unopened messages from Tadashi. There hadn’t been any new ones since then anyway. He thumbed through the ones from his parents first.

_ >>It’s good to get away sometimes, Kei, but you could have told us you were leaving! :( _ , from his mother.

_ >>Call us if you need to talk, son. We can work through this together, _ from his father.

That sounded about right, and Kei appreciated their sentiment though he wasn’t exactly sure how he felt about discussing what happened with Tadashi with them. He thumbed through the messages from Hitoka next.

_ >>Hey Kei! I called your parents today to give them an update. They were worried but I told them you’re in good hands ;) _

Kei scoffed away his embarrassment over what his friend was implying with that one. He opened up another.

_ >>I just spoke with your brother. He’s quite the worrywart, I think he had me on the phone for two hours! D: _

Kei smiled at that one but then realized what Hitoka’s next message was probably going to say. He swallowed and took a breath. He wasn’t ready for an update on Tadashi just yet. He supposed he’d take on the task of opening Akiteru’s messages then.

_ >>Kei, did you just take the car and leave? _

_ >>You better just be gone to get milk! _

_ >>Okay it’s been hours now, where are you? _

_ >>Kei? Please pick up. _

_ >>Okay, it’s morning now and I’m scared, where are you? _

_ >>Is this about Tadashi? Kei, you know you can talk to me about that right? _

_ >>I told mom and dad that you’ll be gone for a while but I just… I still don’t know where you are, Kei. Please call me. _

As the messages went on, Kei’s heart just rose into his throat higher and higher. He felt so damn guilty over leaving Akiteru in such a state. He should have called home so long ago but-

_ >>Your friend from college just called me. I can’t believe this Kei, just… Why didn’t you call once at least? I want to know from you if you’re okay or not. Please call. _

Kei didn’t even bother opening the rest, he immediately hit the call button and the phone didn’t have to ring twice before he heard Akiteru’s frantic voice.

“Kei? Kei!? Oh my God, is that you? Kei please-”

“Akiteru,” Kei interrupted, but it was a welcomed interruption as his brother’s sigh of relief resonated through Kei like nothing else.

“Thank God,” Akiteru whispered, and it took a while for him to stop sobbing before they could get a conversation in. Any anger that Akiteru may have held before had evaporated before Kei could even hear it in his voice. All the blond could hear was relief and gratefulness that his idiot little brother was okay after all this time.

They talked about a lot, about why Kei had left without a word in the first place, about why he couldn’t call home, about Tetsurou…

“And you let him ride with you even after he stole your wallet? Kei, what on earth were you thinki-”

“It’s fine, Akiteru. Really, he’s… Honestly, all things considered he’s been too good to me, so…”

“Hitoka mentioned something along those lines when she called me but it’s something else altogether to hear it from you. You’ve… You haven’t sounded this happy in months, Kei,” Akiteru said. Kei’s eyes went wide and he couldn’t help but ask.

“I… I sound happy?”

Akiteru laughed.

“Yeah! So much happier than before just… He sounds like a good friend. You should keep in touch with him after all this.”

Kei smiled and silently agreed.

“Yeah,” he said.

There was a comfortable pause and a few more deep breaths to finally grasp the reality of it all. Calling home really hadn’t been so bad and Kei felt even better than he had before.

“I’m sorry about all this,” Kei finally said and Akiteru scoffed.

“Just don’t be afraid to talk to me next time. I’m here for you, Kei, and I’ll still be here for you once you decide to come home.”

Kei was relieved to hear that. Of course he knew Akiteru would always be there for him, but it was reassuring to hear.

“I’ll come home soon,” Kei promised and that was enough for Akiteru.

“Stay safe out there, oh, and enjoy New York! Jeeze, I can’t believe you made it all the way out there,” Akiteru laughed, and Kei shared in the chuckle, agreeing that it was pretty crazy before thanking Akiteru once again and then finally ending the call. He sighed deeply that such a daunting task was finally over with and only a moment later, he heard the door opening.

“Hey,” Kei greeted. Tetsurou eyed him curiously for a second before a smile curved over his lips.

“Hey, you. How did it go?” Tetsurou asked as he carried his shopping bags over to the kitchen counter. Kei felt kind of silly about it, but when Tetsurou looked back around to hear the blond’s answer, Kei gave him the widest smile he probably had ever given anybody. Tetsurou looked hilariously surprised.

“Great,” Kei said, though his smile  _ did _ fade a bit when he noticed that Tetsurou’s expression wasn’t changing. “W-what?” Kei asked nervously.

“You… I can’t believe your…” Tetsurou stammered at first, but then as if in a trance he stepped over to Kei and crouched down to meet him at eye level. Kei couldn’t avert his gaze, not when Tetsurou was staring into his eyes so intently. He reached out and cupped Kei’s face in his hands, brushing his thumbs ever so softly over his cheeks. “I never thought I’d get to see you smile like that,” he whispered, and between those gentle words and the wave of relief he was still riding, Kei couldn’t even be embarrassed that time and he smiled once again.

“It’s been awhile since I’ve been this happy,” he confessed and Tetsurou looked just as happy as Kei felt.

“You don’t know how nice it is to hear that,” Tetsurou said. Kei raised his hand to cup Tetsurou’s as he leaned into the touch.

“Yeah,” was all he said, not that he needed to say more than that.

Tetsurou leaned in and rested his forehead against Kei’s, and the blond was more than happy to indulge in the moment for just a little longer. He was sure they had to get going soon, but just… Just one more minute there to bask in the relief was all Kei could ask for…

 

+++

 

The blond was thankful that he managed to get a moment of peace because he knew that he couldn’t stay selfish for long. Not after he had pulled Tetsurou through all of his shit, not after Tetsurou had been so patient with him and not when Tetsurou was so obviously nervous to step into the apartment building they had just stopped in front of.

“This is where Kenma lives?” Kei asked, looking over to try and capture Tetsurou’s gaze but the man was stuck staring at the building.

“Y-yeah. Fourth floor, we uh… Let’s head inside!” but despite what he had said, the man still wasn’t going anywhere. Kei simply looked at him, waiting for any indication of movement but it didn’t seem like it was coming. Searching for a way to help, Kei’s eyes caught on Tetsurou’s hand dangling at his side and figured that would be a good way to start.

Kei reached out and gently curled his fingers around Tetsurou’s. That got the man’s attention and Tetsurou finally turned to look at Kei.

“I don’t exactly know what’s up there that’s making you so nervous but the uh… The support goes both ways here,” Kei said shyly, though he still squeezed Tetsurou’s hand. Tetsurou squeezed back.

“I know,” he said, and there was a silent  _ ‘thank you’  _  in his smile before taking that first step into the building.

If Kei was being honest with his theories, he thought they were going to end up in front of a hospital or something, but it seemed strange that they merely walked into a normal apartment. It made it seem like they were just showing up regularly to hang out, but one step into Kenma’s home told him different.

Tetsurou had a key to the place and they were greeted by a woman’s voice the second they walked in, her accent thick with the vibe of NYC.

“Tetsurou! What are you doing here? I thought this was  _ my _ shift,” the lady yelled. Tetsurou laughed.

“I’m just here visiting today, Joan. You’re still on duty,” he assured, and Kei simply observed as the pieces all fell into place.

“Just back and can’t stay away for more than a day. Kenma’s gonna tear into you,” Joan joked.

“I know, I know. But you you know me.”

“Oh! And who’s this handsome fella?” Joan asked, and Kei jumped at the sudden attention. He felt like he was imposing entirely.

“My friend, Kei,” Tetsurou warmly introduced. “Kei, this is my co-worker, Joan.”

Joan clicked her tongue as she stepped forth to shake Kei’s hand.

“You’d think after two years of this, I’d be promoted to ‘friend’ by now,” she said to Kei with a wink. The blond chuckled politely at her joke. “It’s nice to meet you, Kei. Kenma could use some fresh faces around here.”

Kei nodded despite not knowing what that meant and after another jab at Tetsurou, Joan got back to doing whatever she was doing before in another room.

Kei thought briefly as they walked down the hall, what it meant when she said  _ ‘co-workers’ _ . Tetsurou had said he was a caretaker, but if they were arguing about shifts then…

Kei didn’t have to theorize anymore.

The spare hospital equipment sitting in the corner of the bedroom they entered was enough to tell Kei that Kenma wasn’t in the best of conditions. As if Joan hadn’t been enough of an indication, he supposed. Kei stood in the doorframe as Tetsurou made his way inside with open arms, though the boy with pudding hair sitting in bed didn’t seem like he was about to look up from his PSP anytime soon.

“Kenma!” Tetsurou greeted as he plopped himself down on the edge of the bed next to Kenma.

“You’re home already? What did I tell you?” Kenma said, much more harshly than Kei thought his small stature was capable of. It was clear these two went way back.

“Not to come back until I’m rested, but I’m rested! Look, isn’t this the face of someone who’s rested?” Kei couldn’t see Tetsurou’s face but it was clear from Kenma’s sour expression that he wasn’t convinced.

“You look like you haven’t slept in four days,” Kenma scolded and Kei felt like jumping in to say that was partly his fault but then that would have probably been inappropri-

“Hey, it’s partly his fault,” Tetsurou said and suddenly Kei was being pointed at. He wanted to retort but his words escaped him.

“Oh, hi,” Kenma said, looking far more friendly now that he wasn’t looking at Tetsurou. “Kei, is it?” he asked, and the blond nodded, finally stepping into the room and extending his hand to shake. Kenma took it though his grip was quite weak.

“Nice to meet you,” Kei muttered and he suddenly felt overcome with shyness because the guy in front of him was ridiculously close to Tetsurou and for some reason, the blond’s instincts told him that he should make a good impression.

Five minutes into talking with Kenma though led Kei to believe that Tetsurou had been fighting to leave a good impression for most of his life so Kei didn’t exactly have a problem.

“You shoved his wallet down your pants? Oh my God, Tetsurou, what  _ are _ you?” Kenma asked, as if this had been the billionth dumb Tetsurou story he had heard in his life. “Please tell me he didn’t get drunk in front of you,” Kenma pleaded but Kei could only snicker as Tetsurou shrank into a smaller ball at the foot of the bed. Kenma shoved him with his foot. It didn’t take long for Kei to catch onto their dynamic here, honestly it was kind of funny just how Tetsurou’s large personality calmed in the face of his best friend.

Seeing them like that, speaking as if they were having a million other conversations past the surface words made Kei so achingly nostalgic and longing for same thing.

Tetsurou managed enough power to uncurl from his ball shape and recount to Kenma the rest of their adventures, leaving out the sexier and angstier bits of course. Kenma didn’t exactly seem like the type to want to talk about those sorts of things, but maybe Tetsurou was only holding back because Kei was there. It suddenly dawned on him that perhaps they needed some privacy too and as Kenma finished scrunching his nose at the thought of Tetsurou in leather pants, Kei stood up.

“Um, I’m just going to head to the bathroom for a bit. Is that okay?” he asked.

“Hm? Sure. Just down the hall. You can ask Joan if you can’t find it on your own,” Kenma replied and Kei nodded his head before taking his leave. He gently closed the door tightly behind him.

Tetsurou followed the blond’s path out of the room but was suddenly interrupted by a light clearing of the throat behind him. He turned to spot a knowing smirk on Kenma’s face.

“What?” Tetsurou asked.

“I’m happy to see that you stopped texting me long enough to spend time with him,” Kenma replied and Tetsurou groaned.

“I was worried about you, okay?”

“And how many times do I have to tell you that I’m recovering. These are all just safety measures now, you don’t have to keep protecting me like you did when we were kids,”

“But-”

“Tetsurou, do you have any idea how happy you actually look when you look at him? You look like an idiot and honestly, it’s your best face.”

Tetsurou looked surprised though not exactly hurt because what Kenma said made sense in some strange way only he knew.

Tetsurou continued laying at the foot of the bed in silence as he played with a wrinkle in the sheet. He followed the curve to a juice stain on the blanket that had been left years ago to the hospital equipment in the corner they no longer needed to the dent in the far wall where Kenma had taken a fall and it had led to one of the scariest nights of Tetsurou’s life. There was no cure for what Kenma had, that’s just how chronic things were. As Kenma recovered, Tetsurou knew it would only be a matter of time before it all came back again.

It was the reason he had chosen his profession in the first place. When Kenma’s parents had passed and all they had was each other to get through this.

It was never a burden to Tetsurou, he’d take care of Kenma for the rest of his life if he could. Kenma had been there for him through everything and if Tetsurou could do anything to pay him back for it all, it would be to help him through his illness but Kenma didn’t see it that way, and he only got more stubborn about that through the years.

_ "You’re stressing yourself out and it’s all because of me!” he had yelled that day. “You’re not missing this reunion, I don’t care how long you’re gone but you need to get out of here. Away from this. Just, will you do that for me, Tetsurou? Please!” _

No matter how much Tetsurou insisted that he was fine, the moment he left town was when he realized just how much life he had been missing. Even just walking by himself to clear his head was enough to show him that.. Kenma really had always known him better than he knew himself it seemed. However, once he realized how much lighter he felt, that was when the guilt sunk in…

...And it still remained, heavy over the moment.

“I’m…” Tetsurou began, but he quickly felt a hot pooling in his eyes and he noticed a few drops of water on the sheet below him, and dammit, after all of these years he wanted to not feel like he was abandoning his best friend for anything, no matter how much Kenma insisted that he wasn’t. The room was too much, the memories too much and what were simply a few tears turned into sobs that Tetsurou couldn’t control. “I’m so sorry, Kenma.”

Kenma clicked his tongue and reached forward to pull at Tetsurou’s shirt, allowing the man to take shelter in his embrace.

“Shhh, you’re more sensitive about this than I am, jeeze,” he said, and Kei stood just outside the door, hearing most of that last part.

Kei wasn’t sure what had set Tetsurou off, but it was clear he had been hiding it since the moment they had met and he couldn’t believe that such a powerful wave of emotions had surged through a man who seemed so strong all the time. He supposed that’s what it meant to learn more about Tetsurou, though. That was what he wanted, and he wasn’t sure if Tetsurou would be ready to open up to him in that way so soon, but Kei was willing to be there when he was.

He stepped away from the door. Regardless of what he wanted, this definitely wasn’t the time or the place for him to barge in so Kei went back into the main area of the apartment. Joan seemed to be taking care of paperwork in the spare room so Kei decided to tiptoe past her and head for the sofa that sat in front of the large window.

The city was beautiful like this, having just met with darkness and greeting it with its lights. Kei wondered how long it was going to take him to work up the courage to head back home and get this all over with. Tetsurou was facing his life head on, and seeing that only filled Kei with inspiration, but bravery was far from that. He sighed.

Kei wasn’t sure how long he had been staring through the window until a soft voice eased through the silence.

“Not a bad view huh?” the voice said behind him, and Kei whipped his head around to see Kenma standing there.

“Kenma, what are-”

“Tetsurou fell asleep. Don’t worry, he’ll wake up soon enough, I just think he needs a few minutes before heading home,” he explained as he sat next to Kei and looked through the window himself.

“I guess so. He was um… He was really worried about coming up here.”

“He was scared that I was going to be mad at him about coming back so fast. I’m not, just so you know,” Kenma assured, turning to Kei was a smile.

Upon further observation, Kei realized that Kenma really did look quite good. Despite the feeble grip and his state when they arrived, it was clear that he was able to move around just fine on his own two feet, and when he peered out the window he had a certain sparkle in his eye that told the blond that Kenma really was being honest with his recovery. Kei hadn’t asked what kind of illness he had, he thought it was irrelevant when it had clearly caused such an upset for both he and Tetsurou. That was all he needed to know.

“Is that something he gets over or does he always get like that?” Kei asked, used to posing the cutting questions after spending all that time with Tetsurou but he flinched slightly when Kenma eyed him curiously. Perhaps that had been too much?

Kenma smiled.

“You saw that huh?” he asked softly as he looked back out the window. Kei decided to follow his line of sight.

“Yeah…”

“Tetsurou’s a sensitive guy,” Kenma began, and Kei briefly remembered Keiji saying the same thing. “He’s been taking care of me since I got sick, since I was a kid, really. I attended college with him for a while before I couldn’t handle it anymore and I had to come back home. Honestly, he wanted to drop out and follow me then but I told him no, and would you believe it, the day he graduated was the day he was back right here. Stupid…” Kenma explained warmly, perhaps for Kei’s benefit, perhaps not. Maybe it was just good for Kenma to reflect out loud on what he had been through to somebody who wasn’t Tetsurou for a change.

Regardless, so many things suddenly made sense. The way Tetsurou always clammed up about Kenma, the way he hesitated and looked sad whenever he thought about going home, even though he understood now that Tetsurou wanted to run back the moment he had left. Kei felt guilt twist in his chest at that thought. To think he wasn’t ready for this trip to end. He had no idea that Tetsurou had-

“I was so glad when he started texting me things about you. He hadn’t asked how I was feeling for a few days, and I was just… I was so happy to see him like his old self again. You really helped him, you know that?”

Kei’s eyes went wide at the words before averting his gaze back out the window.

“I don’t know, I think he’s done way more for me than I could ever possibly do for him,” Kei said honestly.

“After you’ve known Tetsurou for as long as I have, you’ll know. He feels guilty for leaving me behind, but I don’t think he understands how much that gets to me. He doesn’t think I’m a burden, I absolutely know that, but Tetsurou is just blind to the fact that I am. No matter how much I try to support him, I’m still this huge burden and I don’t want to push him away but he just… He needs to live again. I’m not saying you’re here to fix him, I’m just saying that you’ve really helped open his eyes to what he can do, and that if he leaves and comes back again, I’ll still be here.”

Kei was in awe over every word that Kenma had to say. It was clear that he and Tetsurou had been dancing this dance for a very long time and that their care and respect ran so deeply. It was a bit overwhelming to have so much  out in the open now, but it added to Kei’s relief. Not only did he feel welcome to go back home, he knew that he could understand and talk to Tetsurou so much more openly now. He hadn’t exactly told all this to Kei himself, but the blond knew that this would make it easier to eventually. Tetsurou had helped him so much, he really wanted to give back.

“Sorry, you didn’t even ask to hear this. I’m just… I’m happy to meet somebody who Tetsurou considers a friend,” Kenma added, and Kei had to admit, he felt warm hearing that, as if he were being welcomed into a family in some way. He supposed that’s what it felt like to gain the approval he wanted earlier. It was nice.

“It’s… I’m glad I get to call him that,” Kei said. Kenma chuckled ever so softly.

“I must say, you seem different than others Tetsurou has been interested in. Most people tend to get weirded over how much Tetsurou dotes on me.”

Kei felt a bit embarrassed over the implication, because he honestly didn’t know how much Tetsurou had told Kenma about what they had been doing on the road. Regardless of anything past or future though, Kei was just happy to have what he did in that moment. Tetsurou’s company had come to bring him so much relief and he’d take that over anything else.

“It’s not like I’m in a position to be jealous. Besides, I used to have what he has and I… I get it. I miss it.”

...And the silence that followed was pure understanding. They stayed like that until they heard Tetsurou’s sleepy groans coming from the other room. All too quick, he came running out but there was nothing to be alarmed about. Both Kei and Kenma smiled at him when he ran in and they were both pleased to see Tetsurou smiling back at them…

 

+++

 

“How are you feeling?” Kei asked as they walked back to Tetsurou’s apartment.

“The tables have turned,” Tetsurou joked but Kei scoffed and gave him the stink eye. Tetsurou chuckled. “I’m fine, really. Well, now at least. You uh… You saw that back there, didn’t you?”

“The… Crying? Um, yeah…” Kei said, not exactly knowing how to address it and caught slightly off guard because he wasn’t sure if Tetsurou was going to. It seemed as though he didn’t want to avoid though. The man gave him a small smile.

“I thought so, and I take it Kenma told you everything. I overheard some of that last part when I walked in.”

“Well, not everything I guess but it all makes a lot more sense now,” Kei corrected. “You don’t have to be shy about it if you want to talk.”

“I know, but when I talk about it I get like that and you… You shouldn’t have to see me like that,” Tetsurou said sheepishly.

“And you shouldn’t have to hold it in either. Especially since you’ve seen me in all sorts of states. I’m not going to tell you how to live your life, Tetsurou but Kenma’s probably more worried about you than you are of him. Just… It’s okay to relax.”

Next to him, Tetsurou took in a deep breath and Kei glanced over in time to see his nod. The blond could tell that Tetsurou was trying really hard not to get all worked up again, so he decided to drop that subject in favor of something that made Tetsurou happy.

“You guys are certainly a pair though. You turn into this docile kitten around him, it’s kind of cute,” Kei teased and that seemed to immediately lift the tension from Tetsurou’s shoulders. He nudged at Kei’s with his hand.

“Hey!” he exclaimed through a laugh and Kei couldn’t help but join in on the chuckles. Tetsurou couldn’t say more about it though because there was really nothing to refute in that statement. As they bumped shoulders Kei took hold of Tetsurou’s hand and they continued their walk down the quiet street. Tetsurou accepted it with a full heart.

“You should tell me more about him, about the both of you. Though, honestly I just want to hear more dumb stories about you, maybe I should go back and hang out with Kenma instead,” Kei was relentless, but it also sent Tetsurou into a flurry of silly giggling and shy smiles. Now _ that _ was much better…

 

+++

 

Upon entering the apartment, Kei noticed his blinking phone immediately. He had left it behind so as not to get overwhelmed by too many messages at once. He knew Akiteru would be texting him like crazy so he just let him know that he’d be out for a bit and respond once he got back. Although, he couldn’t help but wonder if that flashing light indicated any other kind of message.

“Hungry, Kei?” Tetsurou asked casually as he stepped past the doormat and towards the kitchen nook. It took Kei a second to realize he was being spoken to.

“U-um, yeah. I could eat,” Kei responded distantly as he stepped over to where his phone lay. He picked it up and zoned in on the object in his hands. He really hoped that he would be able to check messages in the future without having to work up so much courage, but honestly, he was proud that he had made it  _ this _ far.

Tetsurou eased in behind him and rested his head on his shoulder like he had earlier.

“Popular now that you’re connected again?” Tetsurou joked. Kei scoffed.

“Hardly, look,” he said, and turned on the phone’s screen to show Tetsurou what he knew was there without even looking. Sure enough, it was long list of messages from Akiteru probably updating Kei on every mundane detail of his life, but Tetsurou seemed charmed at the absurd amount. That was until his laughter stopped and Kei turned back to the screen to see that there was one very familiar name buried underneath the mountain of Akiterus.

Kei went completely stiff.

_ Tadashi _

As if in a trance, Kei opened it. He wasn’t even thinking, his hand just moved on its own.

_ >>I’m in town. Could we talk? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaa, that was a ride! As a sidenote, I never picked what kind of disease Kenma has, just that he's been sick for a long time and Tetsurou has been taking care of him through all of it. I figured that was more important than focusing on a specific illness that I don't have the time to research. 
> 
> Anyway, I really hope you guys enjoyed this one! Sorry it took so long but I'm back now until the end which means the last two chapters won't be far away. And as always, please let me know what you thought! *u* The comments from last time really helped push me through my little dry spell <3
> 
> Also, you can yell at me on Tumblr [HERE](http://sheenaxzelos.tumblr.com/)


	11. In Your Touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You can sit down if… If you want,” he said, and Kei was strangely brought back to the time when the two had first met, back before middle school when Tadashi had been crying about bullies. Kei almost felt like a bully himself with the way he was staring down at him, honestly. He sighed and tried to put that feeling away, placing his cup on the table as he pulled out his chair to sit.
> 
> This… 
> 
> “This is weird…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY! Look who's finally back! :D It's been far too long, so why even bore you with author's notes at this point? Dive in, friends!
> 
> As always, thank you to [midnightmooncatcher](http://midnightmooncatcher.tumblr.com/) for giving this a read over before posting! *u*

_ So don't go taking me back,  _

_ To a place I'd rather forget,  _

_ When I was yours and you were mine,  _

_ I know, baby, that your heart's not gonna do the right thing _

 

_ >>I’m in town. Could we talk? _

The text blurred and unblurred in Kei’s vision. He was speechless. Why…? After all the time he had spent carefully preparing for his inevitable conversation with Tadashi, why now? Why was he here of all places, of all times? Kei had been trying to get ready for it on his own terms, and he thought he was even beginning to feel ready, but Tadashi’s message had come completely out of the blue. Kei felt dizzy.

“Whoa, Kei!” Tetsurou exclaimed when the blond began to sway backwards. He held Kei steady by his shoulders.

Kei had dropped his phone to the carpet below in an attempt to cup his forehead with his palm, trying hard to get ahold of himself after such a slap to the face. He could deal with this though. It was just a text, he didn’t even have to respond if he didn’t want to.

But Tadashi wasn’t as far away now as he had thought…

“Kei, maybe you should sit down,” Tetsurou gently suggested, and before Kei could even register movement, he had been guided to the couch.  _ Tetsurou’s _ couch, and suddenly a million thoughts ran through Kei’s mind. How much did Tadashi know? Would he care if he knew he had been sleeping with somebody else? Of course he wouldn’t care, Kei could already see that pleased smile etched into Tadashi’s face. The one he wished he could have seen before but suddenly the mere concept of it felt too condescending to even stomach.

In an attempt to keep his gut from lurching, Kei took a deep breath. He brought his hand up to pinch at the bridge of his nose, the motion skewing his glasses a bit but he hardly had the sense of mind to notice. He just needed to focus. He needed to focus on how far he had come, all that he experienced since getting away and all the relief he had felt over the past few days. He needed to focus on the fact that he could deal with this and unlike a few weeks ago, he didn’t have to deal with this alone.

Kei slowly raised his gaze to Tetsurou who was sat beside him and waiting patiently. This was the man who not only gifted him with peace, but because of him, Kei’s heart was able to open up and allow himself the strength to take risks once again. Opening up to Tetsurou in the first place had been a risk, and if he could do that with somebody he had just met, couldn’t he find the courage to tell Tadashi everything?

At some point, Tadashi had been the one who was always there for him, but that thought scared Kei, because if he met with Tadashi again, who was to say he wouldn’t fall head over heels in love again? One ounce of kindness from his childhood friend was like a venom, and it was such an easy trap to fall into...

“I…” Kei started, voice hoarse and breath trembling as he laid his helpless eyes on Tetsurou. “Tetsurou, I can’t… I can’t see him yet…” he choked out, but Tetsurou was there with a warm embrace to calm him and Kei allowed himself to take shelter in it almost immediately.

“Shh, I know,” Tetsurou said, stroking Kei’s hair. “You don’t have to see him right away, I’m sure he knows that. If you’re not ready, Kei then please… Don’t force yourself, okay?”

Kei took Tetsurou’s words to heart, the sound and meaning easing the nervous tremble in his body. Hearing Tetsurou’s voice also reminded Kei what  _ he _ had been through today and he couldn’t believe he was dragging Tetsurou through his shit all over again. They had been through this and Kei was sick of falling victim to the whims of his life. Tetsurou deserved far more than the crumbling man he felt he was in that moment.

Taking another deep breath, Kei pulled back from the embrace just enough to look Tetsurou in the eye.

“I won’t. I’ll think about it some more, maybe call Hitoka tomorrow to see what she thinks too,” Kei explained, his gaze drifting off as he spoke but Tetsurou nabbed his attention again with a gentle touch on his cheek. The man gave him the warmest of smiles.

“Then you know what that means?” he asked. Kei blinked, curious now more than anything.

“What?”

“It means…”

Tetsurou suddenly got up on his feet and stepped to the side of the couch, quickly flipping a switch so that Kei was abruptly taken back with the unfolding bed.

“AAH!” Kei yelled.

“...That we’re going to huddle under a mountain of blankets, and eat the ice cream I bought while we watch television. I can think of no better way than to spend the evening, can you?”

Kei was still laying back and in shock over his world being flipped but as Tetsurou looked at him with that dopey smile, all Kei could do was give him a small nod and a smile to match.

It was true, he could think of no better way to spend the evening than relaxing with Tetsurou. They both needed a night to breathe and Kei…

...Kei, really needed more time.

 

+++

 

The television had been muted hours ago, the light flickering over the two of them laying haphazardly over the unfolded sofa bed. Neither of them had been paying attention to the poorly produced infomercial about knives, they had simply found themselves centered in their own little world yet again. Tetsurou was happily recounting a tale from college while Kei occupied himself with ghosting his fingertips over the man’s open palm.

“And then Kenma looks at me with like, the most serious expression I think I’ve ever seen and said  _ ‘Tetsurou, Koutarou got locked inside the broom closet again, do you have the key?’ _ , and I just lost it,” he laughed and Kei couldn’t help but smirk at the sound.

“Don’t tell me that Keiji…” Kei was about to ask but Tetsurou interrupted him with a snort as he nodded vigorously.

“Bokuto just has this way of saying really dumb things at the worst times and I think Keiji is more frustrated that he thinks it’s so charming rather than actually being seriously angry? Either way, he locked Bokuto in the broom closet to teach him a lesson,” Tetsurou finished and broke out into laughter one more time.

Kei had to admit, putting all the earlier hardships aside, he was really happy to see Tetsurou in such a good mood, and finally talking about Kenma no less. Tetsurou deserved this way more than dealing with Kei’s shit again, and honestly the blond wasn’t really in the mood for his own shit either so it was fun to get caught up in Tetsurou’s stories.

“Anyway, that’s like the twentieth story I’ve told in the past two hours,” Tetsurou added once he caught his breath. He relaxed against the pillow and where Kei was still playing with the man’s fingers, he took hold of Kei’s hand. “Why don’t you tell me one. Anything dumb happen in college? Though you don’t seem to be the type to keep people like Bokuto around,” Tetsurou snickered.

Kei thought about it for a moment. He mostly just hung out with Tadashi and Hitoka and they were both always really quiet. Though there was…

“There was this loud kid with orange hair in my year…” Kei began, and his mind was suddenly filled with a million memories of the shorty he always made fun of but who always stuck around anyway. Kei wouldn’t exactly call the guy a friend, but he was nice enough and always so hyperactive that he always created a story for later.

“So I guess you  _ did _ have a Bokuto. Mini-Bokuto,” Tetsurou laughed after Kei’s recollection and the blond nodded because that’s certainly how it felt.

“I guess so,” Kei agreed, though his voice drifted off at his memories. It was crazy how far away it all seemed. After the breakup, Kei just distanced himself from everything. His grip on Tetsurou’s hand tightened. “Things… Things will be weird when I go back home,” he commented.

It was probably a strange place for his mind to jump to, but all he could think about was how much he thought his life was going to be back then and how different it was now. It only made him see just how much a lifetime really had to offer and what would happen next. He could have never predicted  _ this _ that was for sure. States away from home in somebody’s apartment that he had only met a few weeks ago. Just when Kei thought his life had been set, this whole new entity just shook it up and showed him just how many branches there could be. It was kind of comforting in its own way…

“How so?” Tetsurou asked, his thumb rubbing gentle circles over Kei’s palm. Kei kept his gaze glued to their connected hands. He shook his head a bit.

“I don’t know. I just thought about talking with Akiteru in person again, actually making an effort to get out of the house and finding a new job. Attempting to be friends with Tadashi…” he listed, not exactly sure what his point was but he had gotten used to just working things out with Tetsurou.

“You think you’re ready for that?” Tetsurou asked softly, and Kei caught his concerned expression when he glanced up.

“I want to see if I am. Seeing you with Kenma kind of… stirred up that feeling. You get it, right? Just that comfort in somebody knowing everything about you, them knowing just what to say to cheer you up…” Kei explained.

Tetsurou took a moment to think about it.

“I definitely get that,” he said, and Kei finally made solid eye contact with him. Tetsurou was smiling. “...But you know, given enough time and communication, I think anybody can become that person.”

Kei’s heart slammed against his chest at the pure honesty in that statement. He wasn’t sure if Tetsurou was talking about  _ them _ in particular or if he was just stating something he generally believed, but either way, Kei had to swallow back the weight, the implication.

...Because it was true, and Kei felt his nostalgia slip away for the moment.

Kei leaned in and pressed his lips gently against Tetsurou’s, gliding against the warmth, the man’s skin softer than he had remembered. Of course they had done stuff earlier that day, but so much had happened in between that Kei had forgotten they had the privilege of sharing this. He eased himself out of the kiss.

“Kei…” Tetsurou’s voice was low and quiet and sent a pleasant shiver through Kei’s body. The blond didn’t let them stay apart very long before he dipped back in for another taste.

He hoped Tetsurou didn’t think he was weird for doing this, for speaking with a kiss and letting his hand roam under the other’s shirt, but it was all he could do to truly express how he felt. How much he had come to appreciate Tetsurou, and how much he honestly liked him. Kei knew that he wasn’t ready for a relationship, and was pretty sure that Tetsurou wasn’t ready for one either, but at the very least they had their prelude.

If Kei was meant to believe Tetsurou’s words then he knew he could count on this…

The temperature in the room began to rise and Kei could feel the heat flush over his face, down his neck. He felt far more susceptible to Tetsurou’s touch and simply gave into it all, the swipe of Tetsurou’s tongue against his own, the hand that roamed up his shirt in an attempt to get it off. Kei broke their kiss just long enough to sit up and fling it away, but Tetsurou had sat up to meet him and was there with another kiss as soon as Kei tossed the shirt to the floor. Kei pulled up on Tetsurou’s and got rid of that pesky thing as well.

It was simply a blur after that, giving into the desire that fueled them both. There was something a bit more desperate in their motions, trying to cling to the moment as much as they clung to each other, the late hour be damned. Kei pressed his hips against Tetsurou’s, wrapped a leg around him to pull him close as they layed back down. Kei ran his nails down Tetsurou’s strong back, earning him a breathy groan, the sound coaxing Kei’s hips forward again and again.

Impatient fingers found their way to Kei’s waistband, the tips slipping just underneath before Tetsurou broke their kiss to ask permission.

“Can I touch you, Kei?”

“Please. I want to touch you too,” Kei whispered, his own hands plucking the button of Tetsurou’s pants open all too quickly as the blur continued. Pants were effortlessly discarded...

Kei wasn’t even sure why he felt so desperate, why he had such an urge to touch every inch of Tetsurou in every way he could. Hands, lips, tongue, it didn’t matter how. He just wanted to drown in Tetsurou’s presence while he still could, indulge in his body and melt at the sound of his voice. Kei found himself kissing Tetsurou’s stomach and the man was all soft sounds and heavy breaths. Kei didn’t even have to think about dipping lower, trailing his lips past Tetsurou’s navel and stopping once he reached the base of his cock. Though, it was more so Tetsurou’s slight gasp that stopped him. Kei looked up, meeting Tetsurou’s gaze from where he was. He was going to ask, but it was clear what Tetsurou’s answer would have been anyway. Kei licked a stripe from base to tip and simply sunk his mouth over the length, earning him the most satisfied of groans to leave Tetsurou’s throat.

“Fuck, Kei,” Tetsurou moaned, and it only urged the blond on.

Kei had never really done this often, so it felt so good to hear such a response coming from Tetsurou. He really liked this, didn’t he? It only made Kei want to continue, he wanted to make sure Tetsurou felt as good as he possibly could because this man deserved so much that the blond wasn’t quite sure how to give. At the very least, he’d do his best here.

Kei felt Tetsurou’s fingers thread through his hair, the grip only tightening as Kei continued to slide his mouth over the shaft and roll his tongue across the tip. That move earned him the deepest moan yet, Kei almost wanted to smirk.

As much as he would have loved to finish Tetsurou just like that though, there was still something that Kei wanted to give to him. Not as payment for the amazing experience Tetsurou had given him at the hotel, but because he just really wanted to. He needed to…

Kei pulled himself off and knelt back to admire the view that he was partly responsible for. Tetsurou really was so gorgeous, broad chest heaving with each breath, cock wet and twitching and of course, those amazing lips that Kei couldn’t hold back from kissing.

“I’m already a mess,” Tetsurou confessed, breathless and amused as Kei eased out of the kiss. The blond was all too proud to hear that. He took one of Tetsurou’s hands into his and guided it back, sliding the man’s palm over his ass. Tetsurou simply smirked and gently squeezed the generous gift.

“I can mess you up even more,” Kei said, lifting a brow and hoping Tetsurou would pick up on the implication. The bob in his throat was enough to show Kei that he did.

“You… You want me to… Kei are you sure? I know how much this means-”

Kei dismissed him with the shake of his head.

“I want you to,” Kei said firmly. He slowly arched back to tease the tip of Tetsurou’s cock with his entrance, the sensation sparking his own fire as he looked down to watch Tetsurou’s expression twist into desire. “I don’t want to forget about everything, I just want to remember how this feels here with you without anything else to mess it up.”

Kei wanted to make it clear what he was doing. Whatever came next was up in the air, how he would feel when he met with Tadashi again, he didn’t know. However, he wanted to remember his time here with Tetsurou as purely as he could, the fun, the warmth, the support… the way Tetsurou slowly worked him open with slicked fingers once they tracked down the lube. He wanted to remember the look on Tetsurou’s face when Kei slipped down over his length and just how many sweet words came out of his mouth while they had sex.

_ You feel so good. _

_ Oh God, Kei, you’re amazing. _

_ You look so beautiful like this. _

He wanted to remember it all. No matter what would happen, they’d always have this moment, this entire trip.

They’d always have the memory of sleepy kisses at four in the morning as their sated bodies relaxed against each other. Nothing would tarnish it…

 

+++

 

“So you told him everything…” Kei muttered over the phone. He had called Hitoka to check in on the situation as he sipped the coffee Tetsurou had got him that morning.

“As much as I knew, yeah,” Hitoka said, her voice calm and patient. “I know this whole thing is really sensitive but he called me again and I just couldn’t avoid it.”

“No, I understand that I just wanted to know what to expect if I saw him today,” Kei explained.

“You… You made plans to see him?”

“Not exactly. He texted me that he’d be waiting at this coffee shop but I didn’t say if I’d go or not. What… What did you tell him?” Kei asked. Hitoka paused, possibly just to give Kei some time to keep processing as opposed to actually thinking about what to say.

“I told him where you were headed, because he was really worried about you. I told him he didn’t have to since you met some good company on the road but I guess he couldn’t wait for you to get back to talk. I’m so sorry Kei, I shouldn’t have said where you were going. You probably don’t need this right now,” Hitoka rambled, her voice pitching up into the range where Kei was certain she was about to cry.

“Don’t be sorry,” Kei said, trying his best to sound as gentle as he could. “It’s sooner than I expected but this is probably what I’ve needed the whole time so… I’ll be okay.”

Hitoka hummed a small affirmative sound. Kei could tell that she was relieved to hear that and it was honestly a little infectious. Kei felt a bit lighter.

“Thanks Hitoka,” Kei simply said and she wished him luck. The call ended quickly after that and Kei took a deep breath as he rested the phone on the coffee table.

“Everything settled?” Tetsurou asked from the kitchen nook. He was frying some eggs.

“As settled as they can be for now. At least I know what to expect.”

“That’s good then. Do you know when you’re heading out?”

“When I feel steady on my feet,” Kei said with a wry smile. Tetsurou’s expression was soft and sympathetic as he stepped over with a plate of breakfast in hand. He handed it to Kei and the blond took it with a quiet nod of thanks.

He could do this, he just needed to stand...

 

+++

 

Kei made it to the coffee shop. It was a pretty barren area, decent enough for a private conversation and yet public enough so that Kei wouldn’t feel too lost within he and Tadashi’s world. He took the deepest breath he could muster and took a step further, and then another and just before he was about to cross the street, he saw the faded image of Tadashi through the window.

“Shit…” Kei muttered out loud to himself. His stomach flopped and he missed the cross signal completely. It was one thing to  _ say _ he was going to see Tadashi but it was another to actually  _ see _ him right there, sipping a coffee, and honestly… looking better than ever. Kei sighed and tried to get his heart under control because seeing that face, the one that had grown with him and had smiled at him even in Kei’s darkest of hours, was far more overwhelming than he had imagined…

...And the anger he thought he was going to feel was non-existent, overcome by the memories of that face so close to his, late at night when Kei could see that beautiful smile through the darkness. In moments like those Kei would forget about the awkwardness and just feel like he had Tadashi completely in body, mind and soul. Had his best friend with him, would always have him.

Kei never thought that he’d be hesitantly walking into a coffee shop in New York and meeting Tadashi’s unreadable gaze. He stood in the doorway at first, his eyes scanning over Tadashi’s face as Tadashi did the same with Kei’s. He didn’t smile, in fact Tadashi looked absolutely terrified and Kei felt exactly the way he looked. Kei knew he couldn’t stand in the door any longer though and he stepped further inside, deciding to head towards the counter first instead of heading straight for Tadashi. Anything to distract him would be appreciated and some kind of drink would be perfect for that…

There wasn’t a line though, and Kei’s last moments to build up his courage came to an end once he had a coffee in hand and he turned to look at Tadashi once again. He was still sitting at the same table, still looking at Kei. The blond felt every intention to run jitter through his limbs and his heart pounded from sheer nervousness but he swallowed and stepped forward regardless. He had had enough time to work this out for himself, but if he was ever going to put this behind him, he knew he had to work this out with Tadashi as well.

“Ts-Tsukki…” Tadashi said once Kei had finally arrived. Kei looked down blankly, taking in the small smile that went along with Tadashi’s tiny voice.

“Hi…” Kei said, not really sure of what other kind of word to form other than the single syllable. There was another pause, Tadashi fiddling with his mouth as he averted his gaze to look at the chair in front of him.

“You can sit down if… If you want,” he said, and Kei was strangely brought back to the time when the two had first met, back before middle school when Tadashi had been crying about bullies. Kei almost felt like a bully himself with the way he was staring down at him, honestly. He sighed and tried to put that feeling away, placing his cup on the table as he pulled out his chair to sit.

This…

“This is weird…” Kei said, and true to those words, it felt even stranger that they would be the first thing Kei uttered after months of not talking to the man in front of him. What  _ had _ been the last thing he had said to him anyway…? Kei couldn’t even remember at that point, everything had been such a blur.

Kei stared holes into his coffee cup before he heard Tadashi shift in his seat. He glanced up only to see Tadashi fidget awkwardly. It was too bad that had been enough on its own to make Kei’s belly flop. He almost felt like laughing. He should have known nothing had changed. He still felt those butterflies and it made him sick.

“Um…” Tasashi squeaked and Kei cocked an eyebrow at him. Questioning and waiting and he knew he was being intimidating but it was either go big or go home and if Kei didn’t put up the mask, he wasn’t sure what he’d do.

“Did you really follow me all the way out to New York to say  _ ‘um’ _ ?” Kei asked and Tadashi blinked stupidly at him, the sound slipping back out like it had no other choice.

“Um…” Tadashi sputtered again, and despite everything, all the pain, confusion and torture Kei had put his heart through for this guy, he still couldn’t help but laugh the slightest bit. It sounded strangled and confused but it was a laugh nonetheless and Tadashi looked even more stupefied.

“You haven’t changed a bit,” Kei said, maybe a bit too fond, but at the very least he laid his softer eyes on his coffee cup. He knew better than to look anywhere else.

“Tsukki, I’m…”

“Still living at our old place?” Kei asked instead and he could almost feel Tadashi’s disbelief. He knew the man had been terrified since they parted ways, knew that he had instilled the fear into both of them with how much he had raised his voice that day. It had been a shock but Kei had had more than enough time to think it over. There was nothing left to argue about and only a space where they had to catch up, and once they managed to do that, then they could talk.

“N-no…” Tadashi said cautiously. Kei sipped his coffee.

“That’s a shame, it was a good place,” he said fairly casually.

“It didn’t feel right staying there after you left,” Tadashi said, his voice a bit more stable now, the most words Kei had heard from him in months. He had forgotten how sweet his voice sounded. Kei gripped his cup harder.

“Guess it wouldn’t have,” Kei agreed, “that was a newlywed condo anyway,” he shrugged, but he noticed Tadashi’s visible flinch.

“Tsukki…” Tadashi squeaked, forced and hoarse and Kei knew exactly what was coming next. He saw the drips hit the table. “Tsukki, I’m so sorry!” he exclaimed, his voice bursting out in a sob. Kei noticed some people looking at them but he didn’t care. He just wanted Tadashi to stop crying.

“Pathetic…” Kei muttered, and it was enough of a sound to break Tadashi from his despair for a second.

“Me?” Tadashi asked, sounding like he fully believed that his question was the answer. Kei shook his head.

“No,  _ me _ . Because even after all this, I still want to reach over and wipe your tears,” Kei said, his voice calm but doing nothing to ease the hiccup of sobs erupting from Tadashi’s chest. Honestly, now that he had a chance to see him again, Kei wondered why he had stayed away so long… Same old Tadashi…

“Ts-Tsukki, I’m sorry, I’m… I shouldn’t even be…” Tadashi stammered as he wiped at his tears. Had it been all those months ago, Kei would have believed that. He would have been convinced that Tadashi had no right to cry over it, because he had been the one to put them through this, been the one to have allowed it to happen.

...But a relationship of any kind took two people - to start it, to end it and to mend it.

Kei took a good look at Tadashi then, wondered if he would ever stop loving him like he had since the moment he had realized he did. Wondered if even just being friends was asking for trouble…

...But when he really thought about it, he knew that things weren’t as cut and dry as that. Feelings were all kinds of things and love was a grander concept than just romance. He was sure with time the butterflies would fade but if he tried right here and now he’d be left with a whole lot more than the nothing he would have had otherwise. He’d be left with his best friend and that was worth everything.

“I wish you would have told me that you didn’t like it… All the, uh… More intimate stuff…” Kei finally said. A lot of stuff could be worked out with time but that was one of the things that still ate away at the blond. He never wanted to make Tadashi feel uncomfortable.

“I… I honestly thought I could…” Tadashi said weakly. Kei swallowed. Of course he thought he could and Kei believed it from the bottom of his heart.

“I know…” Kei said quietly, a smile quirked at the corner of his lips. He didn’t think he’d be smiling today, and maybe he wouldn’t have been if he hadn’t given himself the time, though a certain person’s aide came to mind as well. Tetsurou had helped him alot and he was more thankful for that now than ever before.

“When you left without telling anybody, I don’t think I slept for five days. I wanted to call you, but… I had no idea if that would do any good. I had no idea if you… Well, I mean, I hoped you hadn’t done  _ that. _ I was so scared, and the last time I saw you was when we argued and… Ugh, I’m not making any sense…” Tadashi rambled. He was spouting off all kinds of things at once but Kei was following him. His mind had been an even bigger mess when he left so he was sure he hadn’t made sense then either.

“I just had to get away. I wasn’t getting any better surrounded by the constant reminder that I was an idiot so I just left.”

“But Tsukki, you weren’t an-”

“Don’t do that. No pedestals, please,” he demanded, his voice quivering a bit. “That’s part of the reason we messed up so much. Just…” Kei sighed and ran a hand through his hair, “...We both made a lot of mistakes.”

“I made most of them,” Tadashi muttered but Kei dismissed it with a hand wave.

“No. We were clueless and hopeful but we never actually sat down to talk about why it was so awkward to go to bed at night. So can we just, I don’t know…” Kei actually  _ did _ know what he wanted to say but he wondered if he was jumping in too fast, like he had with their relationship before. They had both been a little deceitful but they didn’t have that front to keep anymore. “...Talk. About anything… Your day, your trip, any new jobs… I can forgive you, Tadashi, but only if you can forgive me.”

Kei looked Tadashi directly in the eye, brave and unwavering. He had done so much running, and he felt a million times stronger after it all. He remembered seeing Tetsurou with Kenma. Seeing the ease with which they spoke and the depth with which they looked at each other, as if they had survived a hundred battles. Kei wanted that back, and believed that he could have it as long as Tadashi wanted it too.

If he didn’t, Kei knew he could also be fine with that.

He watched as Tadashi’s face twisted from shock to tears and all too quickly the man sprung up out of his seat to catch Kei in a tight hug.

“I was never mad!” Tadashi sobbed into his shoulder. “So there’s nothing to forgive.”

“Ugh, get off of me,” Kei grumbled with all the maturity of his ten year old self, back when Tadashi used to do the same thing. The man in question pulled back, eyes wide and glistening but his amusement was clear on his lips. Kei almost felt like laughing too. “Jesus…” he cursed under his breath, exasperated by the ridiculousness of it all but pulling Tadashi in for a hug all the same.

It felt familiar, the shape of Tadashi’s back against his palm and that calming scent he gave off even now, and although he still felt like giving into his old feelings, he knew in time that all of these memories would be replaced with their friendship once more.

“So… Where does that leave us?” Tadashi asked as he slowly pulled away and stepped back to take a seat.

“We both want to make this work so… As long as we can move past what happened, I see no problem in picking up where we left off, uh… Four years ago?”

“I don’t want to ignore it you know. It didn’t w-work out but it was still… It still meant a lot to me. You know that right?”

“Did it?” Kei was actually kind of muddy on how Tadashi felt about it all. He had been so focused on the fallout that he hadn’t even considered…

“Of course it did! How many people can say they fell in love with their childhood friend? I did… And, I still do love you, Tsukki, so much but…”

“It’s not your fault. I know you meant well through all of it and I know that nothing you ever said was insincere…” Kei sighed. The weight of it all was getting to him but he was finally feeling complete again. “We just both need different things in a partner. We don’t need to know more than that.”

Tadashi nodded and averted his gaze to his empty cup.

“I love you too,” Kei said through the silence and Tadashi nodded again, his eyes clenching to hold back the tears but Kei knew that wouldn’t work. Tadashi would cry until they worked through this whole thing but they were on their way. Kei definitely wasn’t running…

 

+++

 

“So when are you heading back home?” Tadashi asked, eyes finally dry as they walked through the night down the crowded sidewalk, hand in hand. Kei didn’t want his friend to get lost and Tadashi had always been clingy after a confrontation, even if  _ had _ been between the both of them. Kei didn’t mind. It was good to recapture a familiar moment with his new perspective.

“I don’t know. Soon, I guess. I need to find a new contract, money’s getting low,” Kei explained. “What about you? I take it you flew out here.”

“Yeah. I actually need to get back to work on Monday so I need to find a way back soon. I guess you have to drive back?”

“Yep. It won’t be so bad without the distractions though, won’t take as long.”

“Dis-... Oh yeah, Hitoka told me you met somebody on the road!” Tadashi exclaimed but quickly giving Kei sly eyes. “What  _ kind _ of distractions, Tsukki?” he asked. Kei felt his face heat up immediately and he glared at his friend.

“Shut up, Tadashi.”

“Sorry, Tsukki!”

It felt almost normal again, a kind of normal that warmed Kei’s heart in the best of ways. Maybe he could actually talk about Tetsurou and what they had done. Maybe it could be just that easy…

However, they had arrived at Tadashi’s hotel with no more time.

“Here it is,” Tadashi pointed out and his hand slipped out from Kei’s to stand in front of him. Kei effortlessly let it go. “Guess I’ll see you at home,” he said.

“Guess so,” Kei replied and it felt like they were trying to awkwardly end a phone conversation, neither of them really knowing how to leave like this.

Tadashi was waving and trying to make the turn to leave when Kei stopped him.

“If-” he started. Tadashi gave him his full attention. “If we leave in the morning we’d make it back home by Sunday,” he said and Tadashi’s eyes tentatively lit up.

“Are you saying…”

“Want a ride?”

Tadashi smiled from ear to ear.

“I’d love one,” he said, and after establishing when and where they’d meet, it was easy to say goodnight.

 

+++

 

“You look… So amazing…” was the first thing Tetsurou said when Kei walked into the apartment. He blinked, genuinely confused.

“What?” he asked, feeling a smile pull at his lips despite it all.

“You’re practically glowing,” Tetsurou said and that was enough to make him put his book down and sit up. “It went well, I take it?”

“A lot better than I expected,” Kei said, smirking as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“Makeup sex?” Tetsurou asked with an exaggerated brow. Kei clicked his tongue.

“What the- no!”

“I’m only teasing,” Tetsurou chuckled, and Kei couldn’t stay grumpy for long. Today really  _ had _ been amazing.

“We did… Makeup though. We have a lot to work through but I think it’s going to be okay,” Kei explained and Tetsurou looked absolutely fond.

“I’m really happy to hear that, Kei,” he said and Kei nodded because he was honestly happy to hear that too. “So what do you think? Celebration meal?”

“That sounds good,” Kei smiled.

 

+++

 

“Heading out tomorrow then, huh?” Tetsurou asked to confirm as he shoved a fry in his mouth. They had grabbed some burger combos and brought them back to eat in the comfort of Tetsurou’s sofa.

“Yeah, I know it’s sudden but-”

“Don’t worry about it. Honestly I kind of expected it,” he said with a smile. Kei scoffed.

“Oh  _ did _ you now?” he asked, feeling so much like his old self again that he just couldn’t help the added layer of snark.

“Of course! I had faith in you all along!” Tetsurou declared heroically, not missing a beat and facing Kei’s sarcasm head on. Kei scoffed but he appreciated it deep down. If it hadn’t been for Tetsurou, Kei wasn’t sure if he would have been able to recover so fast anyway.

“Hey, is there uh… Is there anything I can do to repay you before I go? You’ve done a lot and-”

Tetsurou lifted his hand to interrupt, not wanting to hear it.

“We’re friends, Kei. That’s what they do. Just text me sometime, that should be payment enough,” he said, his smile relaxed as he shrugged his shoulders.

Kei had thought that going home would be weird but now that everything had been settled, he realized that  _ leaving _ would be the weird part. He hadn’t even thought about how quickly he’d be parting from Tetsurou. It was almost second nature at this point to expect the loser to be in his car regardless of where he was. He was looking forward to a small road trip with Tadashi, but when Kei thought about not being on the road with Tetsurou, there was a strange hole in his heart that he knew he was going to have to ignore if he wanted to get anywhere.

“Sure you don’t want to come with us tomorrow?” Kei said, only half joking. Tetsurou laughed.

“I think you’ll be fine on your own. Besides, with me there it would take you guys twice as long to get home.” It was Kei’s turn to laugh, and he tried his best to use it as a shield because he honestly felt like there was no pleasing himself. He was going to miss Tetsurou a lot.

“That’s true. Though I’m sure Kenma would want you to get out again.”

“When he’s feeling better, I will.”

“Don’t let  _ him _ hear you say that,” Kei said while shoveling his last bit of burger in his mouth. Tetsurou made a small laughing sound but it didn’t sound the happiest. It grabbed Kei’s attention right away. “Are you okay?” he asked gently.

“Yeah, don’t worry about me,” Tetsurou said. Kei’s eyes widened in disbelief.

“You’re gonna have to be more convincing than that,” he said, and that put a more genuine smile on Tetsurou’s face.

“Would it be weird if I said I wanted to kiss you right now?” he asked. Kei’s heart skipped and he swallowed.

“Why would that be weird?”

“You’ve been through a lot today, so I just didn’t want to bombard you with anything.”

“It’d be weird if you didn’t,” Kei said with a smirk and he inched closer to Tetsurou.

Tetsurou’s eyes softened the closer Kei got, and he moved closer in turn. He scanned his eyes over Kei’s face and the blond got a sense that he was really studying him. Then again, Kei was doing the same, memorizing every little detail Tetsurou’s face had to offer. This man who had met him at his worst and would see him leave at his best. This man who didn’t quit and made him believe in all sorts of new things. The man he honestly didn’t want to leave…

Kei pressed his lips against Tetsurou’s, feeling the warmth and savouring the taste, pulling at his bottom lip as he moved back.

“I’m going to miss you, Kei,” Tetsurou whispered, and Kei felt a jolt run straight through his body, heart pounding and mind buzzing and his breath shook out of him.

“I’m going to miss you so much, Tetsurou.”

 

+++

 

“So  _ here’s _ the heartbreaker!” Tetsurou exclaimed as he waved to Tadashi from the car window. Tadashi looked like somebody had just struck him with an arrow and Kei immediately slapped Tetsurou on the shoulder.

“Get out of my car, asshole,” Kei said as he pushed the man out of the passenger’s seat. Kei had driven down to the hotel to pick up Tadashi and Tetsurou figured he’d tag along since Kenma’s apartment wasn’t too far off. That and Kei also wanted to spend as much time as he could with Tetsurou before he had to take off. It was finally coming to an end…

Kei gestured to Tadashi to put his stuff in the trunk and as he did that, Tetsurou got out of the car to lend him a hand. He tried not to notice the janked up box costumes still sitting in the trunk when he came around.

“I was joking, I hope you know,” Tetsurou said once he met Tadashi behind the car.

“I-I-I know!” Tadashi squeaked and Tetsurou couldn’t help but snort at the guy’s reaction. He wasn’t at all what he imagined Kei’s type to be, but he could see the appeal. This Tadashi guy was sincere as hell.

“Well, he’s in your hands now though. Take care of him, okay?” Tetsurou said and Tadashi went stiff.

“Um!” he exclaimed, trying to nab Tetsurou’s attention before he walked away.

“Yeah?”

“I just… I wanted to thank you for what you did. Kei and Hitoka told me a lot about you so, I just wanted you to know that you’ve done a lot for all of us, so... Thank you, sir!” Tadashi declared with a bow and everything. Tetsurou could only laugh.

“Hey, I just needed a ride,” he said, trying his best to be casual but this was almost too much. Luckily, Tadashi didn’t push it anymore and he scampered to the seat that Tetsurou had occupied for so many days. He couldn’t help it, he had to see Kei just one more time. He stepped over to the blond’s window and tapped on it. Kei rolled it down and popped his head out. “Now, no more hitchhikers, you hear?” he said. Kei snorted.

“Like I’d want to have my wallet stolen again,” he said, and Tetsurou  _ would _ have looked harassed if it hadn’t been for one last little prank.

“Like this one?” he asked, pulling out a suspiciously familiar wallet from his pocket.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Kei demanded and he immediately whipped his arm out to make a grab for the wallet. He managed to nab it and it was indeed his. “So I take it you’re awful at first impressions  _ and _ last impressions,” Kei said but was immediately interrupted by the press of Tetsurou’s lips against his own, light and brief.

“Nope, only first impressions,” Tetsurou said and between Tetsurou’s stupidly handsome face and Tadashi giggling at them in the background, Kei was pissed.

“I’m not talking to either of you ever again,” he deadpanned and then he rolled up his window. There was a pause, a beat of silence where Kei and Tadashi shared a glance and Tadashi only gestured at him to go for it, their friendly psychic connection back at full force it seemed. Kei rolled down the window. “Tetsurou,” he called and when Tetsurou bent down to talk, Kei simply grabbed his collar and pulled him in for a much more proper kiss - firm, full and Kei simply breathed him in like it would be the last time he’d ever get to.

“Take care of yourself,” Kei said and when he rolled up the window again, he felt satisfied over the dazed smile Tetsurou wore. He stepped back onto the curb and Kei stepped on the gas pedal, heart far more full at this departure than the last.

“You too,” Tetsurou said to the moving car, watching as it rolled off into the distance, down the road… Out of the city…

Tetsurou watched the spot where the car had disappeared far longer than he should have. Some random pedestrians scoffed at his inability to move and once he got shoved, Tetsurou knew it was time to start walking again...

 

+++

 

“Hey, what’s up?” Kenma asked, voice as distant as usual as he tapped away on his DS. He knew Tetsurou was there without him even saying anything though and he only lifted his head when he felt the mattress dip beside him without a word. “Tetsurou?” 

“Can I just… Sit here for a while?” Tetsurou asked, trying hard to stop the tremble in his voice even though he couldn’t find a way to stop the tears.

“As long as you need…”

 

_ 'Cause every time I hold you, I'll be waiting for you  _

_ Try to pull away from what I truly thought was love  _

_ Maybe it's a sickness preying on my weakness  _

_ All I really need is just another minute in your touch  _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song in this chapter was "In Your Touch" by Fefe Dobson. Originally this song heavily inspired this whole confrontation but in the end it wasn't so intense. Still, I think some of the lyrics go well with a lot of things here :D Give it a listen if you can, it's a gorgeous song! Also, I think I'll be making a playlist or something once I'm finished with this fic *u* And speaking of that...
> 
> NEXT CHAPTER IS THE LAST ONE, and IT'S ACTUALLY WRITTEN! That's right :D No month long waits this time. I'll be posting the last one in about a day or so, SO! I'll see you guys then :D Thank you all for being so patient and supportive, but I'll save my mushy stuff for chapter 12 ;u;


	12. We Went for a Ride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> >>Tadashi just plugged in his mp3 player and has nothing but Lady Gaga. Why am I plagued to fall for fans like you?

“How’re you holding up?” Kenma asked. He had just walked back into the bedroom holding two cups of tea. Tetsurou wondered when he even left, or rather, when did he get well enough to start doing these kinds of things on his own again?

“I’m fine,” Tetsurou said, though his hoarse voice gave him away. He had fallen asleep at some point. Apparently that was just the trend for him now that he was home. A steaming cup of tea appeared under his nose that almost instantly helped his throat, but even when he took it to take a sip, it did nothing to help with that sinking feeling in his stomach.

“He’s only been gone for an hour,” Kenma said. “Honestly, you should be happy you’re out of each other’s hair, you’ll drive each other less crazy.”

Tetsurou let out a huff of laughter. Of course Kenma would say that.

“I guess so. It just hit me, that’s all. I knew I liked him but jeeze… I didn’t think it was _this_ bad,” Tetsurou sighed, appreciating the support the headboard gave him when he laid back.

“Well, he said he’d text you, and for your sake I hope he does,” Kenma said, not holding back in the slightest.

“What’s _that_ supposed to mean?” Tetsurou asked, a bit surprised when he shouldn’t have been at all.

“Because he’s good for you,” Kenma bluntly stated, an outsider’s perspective that left Tetsurou speechless. “Once you two work out your crap I think you’ll be able to really have something.”

“I guess but-... Hey, what do you mean? What kind of crap do _I_ have to work out?”

“I don’t think you’ve noticed that I’ve been getting ready to go out this whole time.”

Tetsurou looked over at a fully dressed Kenma, sipping his tea and packing a bag all at once.

“What are-”

“A job interview. The doctor said I could start working again, and there’s a place nearby that’d be mindful of my condition, so…”

Kenma was speaking at his normal volume, but Tetsurou could sense just how excited his friend was and damn it, Tetsurou was really bad at picking up on everything else.

“I had no idea…” Tetsurou breathed.

“I’m not your sick friend, Kenma, anymore, okay? I really want you to remember that.”

Just at that moment, Tetsurou’s phone went off and Kenma gestured for him to check his messages. Tetsurou did just that.

_ >>Tadashi just plugged in his mp3 player and has nothing but Lady Gaga. Why am I plagued to fall for fans like you? _

Tetsurou laughed, honest and pure from his gut. A guy didn’t even have time to _angst_ around here!

He was thankful though, _so_ thankful for the support he had and he really hoped this high would ride out for a while. Everyone in his life deserved it, and Tetsurou was even starting to believe that he did too.

 

+++

 

“You should have seen Kei’s face though. He looked like he was about to murder him,” Hitoka laughed, her giggles bubbling all the more after drink number four.

“And he seriously borrowed pants from a stripper?” Tadashi asked in disbelief, his eyes going wide in Kei’s direction. Kei had been tapping on his phone and looked up.

“Huh? Well yeah, but they were friends so I don’t think it was a big deal,” he said, only to glance down and smile at the text on his screen.

“You’re talking to him now, aren’t you?” Tadashi teased, but Kei was having none of that.

“I’m telling him you two are making fun of him. He’s hurt.”

“Kei!”

“Tsukki!”

Kei simply flashed his friends a smug smile, though after finally getting home and going through the ordeal of getting his life back together, he was happy he could talk like this with his best friends.

Something on his phone made his heart race though, and he almost didn’t believe what he was reading. Was that true? Was Tetsurou…

“What’s that on your phone, Kei?” Hitoka asked knowingly, having finished a text herself and that was enough for Kei to put two and two together.

“You… Why don’t you two figure out what you’re doing with _each other_ before you meddle in other people’s love lives,” he said without a hint of anger at all. He noticed Tadashi’s rosy cheeks as he got up. Blondes still had that effect over him, it seemed. Kei just smirked and left the room, quickly putting on his shoes at the door as his phone buzzed again.

_ >>Hey, don’t keep a guy waiting. _

_ >>I will make you wait as long as I want, you impatient nerd. _

...But Kei didn’t want to wait any longer either. It had been three months since he last saw Tetsurou, and it became clear the moment he sent his first text that it wouldn’t be enough. He knew he wouldn’t be staying away from Tetsurou for long. He stepped outside of his house and was simply blown away by the sight.

“It’s a rental, but it’s pretty sweet, huh?” Tetsurou said, his arms outstretched to present the car but Kei didn’t want to let his pose go to waste. He closed the distance fast and wrapped his arms around Tetsurou’s waist, shamelessly embracing him without a care. He had waited _far_ too long to have this chance again.

“Let’s go,” Kei whispered as he finally felt Tetsurou’s arms wrap around him in turn, holding him close.

“Where?” he whispered back.

“Anywhere.”

 

+++

 

Looking up at the stars fading in above, it seemed to Kei like his future had never felt so broad, and feeling Tetsurou’s hand in his as they laid on the hood of the car, made his _'right now'_ feel even better.

“Jeeze, you have no idea how lonely that drive is all by yourself,” Tetsurou muttered next to him.

“Guess it’s different when you actually have a destination.”

“God, I couldn’t _wait_ to see you,” Tetsurou breathed and Kei felt the words in his own lungs. He gripped Tetsurou’s hand tighter.

“How’s Kenma?”

“Already getting promoted, that guy…”

Kei hummed appreciatively. He knew Kenma had it in him.

“What about you?” Kei asked.

“I’m out one patient,” Tetsurou happily replied and Kei was equally happy to hear that.

“Good, you need to meet new people,” Kei jabbed.

“Are you _Kenma_?” Tetsurou asked, his tone exaggerated. Kei only scoffed out a laugh.

“I’m happy you got some time off though. I’m between contracts again.”

“Is that so? Where were you gonna look for work next?”

“Oh, I don’t know. New York seemed pretty nice. That could be a place to try,” Kei said, another conversation altogether happening just under the surface. They both knew what this was about. Kei glanced over to see Tetsurou smiling stupidly from ear to ear.

“New York _is_ pretty good,” he said, mostly unable to contain his glee. Kei would be lying if he said he didn’t feel excited as well.

They continued to lay there in peaceful quiet, the sky still clear as the breeze gently passed through the trees. Kei took a deep breath before he heard Tetsurou shift next to him.

“Hey, Kei?” he asked.

“Hm?”

“Do you, uh… Do you want to go out sometime?”

What started with a tempest of messy feelings and infinite confusion felt so far away now, and Kei was convinced that this was the easiest question he would ever have to answer.

“Yeah.”

Kei smiled at the twilight above.

 

_We went for a ride_

_Undercover of the twilight, and the traffic on the road_

_And there's only you and I, I hope we never get back home_

_'Cause I'm feeling serenaded, by the coming of the night_

_And I wish we'd go forever, and I wish we could just_

_Drive away…_  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND THAT'S THE END! JFC THAT TOOK FOREVER BUT DAMN IT, DO I FEEL ACCOMPLISHED.
> 
> So yeah, just, everyone? Thank you so, so so so so much for all of your amazing support and comments and patience over all of these long months. I don't even remember when I started this project anymore, but now that it's finally finished it feels really good ;u; and I'm honestly overwhelmed at the feedback I've gotten. 
> 
> This all started because [midnightmooncatcher](http://midnightmooncatcher.tumblr.com/) and I yelled too much about KuroTsuki and it all snowballed from there. Thank you for introducing me to the pairing, friend! And for all your help along the way! :D
> 
> I'd also like to direct everybody's attention to this lovely piece of fanart I received a few months back as well [HERE](http://themedicineseller.tumblr.com/post/136879978312/my-lousy-kurotsuki-fanart-inspired-by-under-the) ! I'm still a mess of emotions over how beautiful it is!
> 
> Last link for you guys, in case you wanted to hear this fic's little soundtrack in order - [A Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL9FKcxoL_rYVms6ImH3nyhxhO7YCTEcL4) !
> 
> And that's it! ;u; I'm going to miss these boys but I think they'll live a good life, haha. And now that it's over, I simply have to ask you wonderful readers: what was your favourite part? :D
> 
> UNTIL NEXT TIME!


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